:

Dumb news from Indiana:          A  51-year-old bicyclist  from          Noblesville rode 3,065 laps a-          round a roundabout in Carmel          in 24 hours.             [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

destinyc.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Alexander Orr, WM, 25, 190 lbs, featured fugitive of the week, persistent felony offender; Destiny Campbell, BF, 21, 5'6", 185 lbs, insistent pandhandler; Abdel Hejazi, W[sic] M, 30, 6'1", 180 lbs, persistent immigrant; Brittany Lambert, WF, 33, 5'6", 15 lbs, insistent B-girl; UNIDENTIFIED PERPS: You tell us who they are and what they did! (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

Two co-eds sued the University of Kentucky for not offering la-
crosse, field hocked and other sports teams for women. . . .

 School  administrators  in Bowling Green  said they were over-
whelmed by refugee and immigrant students. . . .

hempster.jpgThree arrested for hemp theft, Laurel County, Johnny Bowling,Edna Wigner, John Schnell, LEX18

A woman TV reporter in Louisville received  an  unwanted  kiss
from a stranger in the crowd. . . .

The state Chief Justice removed the circuit judge who had "liked"
a Clutterbook Facebook post on the Attorney General's campaign
for Governor site  from a case between the Attorney General  and
the Governor,  who is running for re-election.
                                                                             [courtesy LEX18]

Classic quotations of the Wheat (Simon said September 16, 2018):       "They asked.me why I dated this Yorkshire hog I went out with,         and I said that it seemed she had a lot to offer."                                                                                     – Leonard Simon

fertschga.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Ricky Fertsch, 34, threat; Ashley Gaitan, 28; Margaraita Rodriquez, 42, tresp, P.I.; Lisa Puente, 26, Tresa Vestal, 57; Lisa Clemons, 37, assault w/deadly weapon; Angelita Contreras, 44, Cathie Perez, 51;Caitlyn Garcia, 20, marijuana

Deaths:               Jacques Chirac, 86               Robert Hunter, 78               Virginia Elble, 95   arjeanfl.jpg Louis and Arjean Arjean Fleming 6/7/33 - 4/21/14 Fleming                                                                                               [Louisville Courier-Journal] chandral.jpg Chandra D. "Chan" LaPradd,54

s

 Miley Cyrus and Kaitlynn Carter called it quits. . . . Parole again was
 denied to Leslie Van Houten, this time by the California Court of Ap-
 peals. . . .  A 600-pound camel sat on a woman at a truck stop petting
 zoo in Louisiana,  and she bit the animal in the balls to escape. . . .  A
 weekend  blizzard  was predicted for the Montana and Idaho.Rockies.
 .  .  .  A cop working as a school resource officer in Orlando,  Florida,
 arrested a 6-year-old girl for kicking  and an 8-year-old girl for acting
 out, placing both in handcuffs and taking them to a juvenile detention

center. . . . An 11-year-old boy drove 200 miles across South Carolina to see a man he had met on SlapCrap SnapChat. .  .  .  A Tesla police car ran out of electricity in a pursuit in San Francisco. . . . The cross-bree- der of the "Labradoodle" said he's sorry.  .  .  .  The  Anti-Defamation League added 36 new hate symbols to its data base, including the "OK" hand sign and the Dylan Roof bowl haircut.

Labradoodle               [courtesy LEX18, AP]

The sports:
                        
                        "Look, Ma!  I grew whiskers!"  – Terry
                          Bradshaw,  former Pittsburgh Steelers
                          quarterback, now an NFL TV "expert"

Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "customer.support@global.avg.com"
        titled "Are you still with us?" and three more messages from "Clutterbook" "Facebook"
        titled "See Stephen Yates's message and other notifications you've missed."

evanjack.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita Kansas; Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers): Evan Jack Scholl, WM, 25, 6'3" 225 lbs, contempt of court; Betty T. Miller, WF, 31, 5'5", 140 lbs, probation viol. (contr. subs.); Juan Aquilera, HM, 25, 5'6", 186 lbs, burglary; Keisha Williams, BF, 33, 5'2", 105 lbs, child abandonment; Alfonzo L. Miller, BM, 40, 6'3", 210 lbs, cont. subst. (Texoma's most wanted  fugitives of the week)

    

arturoot.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Arturo L. Otano, HM, 28, 5'4", 130 lbs, distributing marijuana; Janel A. Becoat, BF, 37, 5'7", 160 lbs, probation violation (aggravated battery); Maurice A. Markham, BM, 54, 5'4", 172 lbs, prob. viol. (a.b.) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

DISCUSSION GROUP:    Don't  forget!  Readers  interested  in  intellec- tual dissection of important  current  events  are invited to attend the Weekly World News Round Table  at  the  offices   of   Borf   Books   outside Brownsville,  Kentucky,  just after church  every Sunday.   Guest  speakers  lined up for meetings in the near future include Richard Carpenter and the ghost of Karen Carpenter.

lifekoal.jpg Koalition, opossition Life Saver Dude: It's clear as a cucumber

Fred Dean wrote Sun 9/15/19 @10:43 PDT re "electability":

"Booker and Klobuchar:  Too pretty, too plainspoken
– not credible as politicians."  Sad, but probably true!
I liked your entire analysis.  I have given token dona-
tions  to Sanders and Warren,  but  you  are  probably
right about them as well.

A motorist was charged in a police dog's death in a crash with
a trooper in Whitley County.
                                                   [courtesy Columbus Republic]

Doctors in Indianapolis rendered a new Trump voter four elec-
tions hence  by removing half the brain of a 21-month old girl
to stop seizures.
                                                      [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

durbinth.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Thomas Durbin, WM, 5'9", 140 lbs, habitual traffic offender; Toro Franklin Jr., BM, 5'10", 155 lbs, domestic battery; Randall Madison, BM, aggravated battery, attempted murder; Larry Williams, BM, 6'2", 275 lbs, criminal recklessness, battery; Vonte Roberson, BM, 6'0", 150 lbs, auto theft, resisting arrest; Timothy Williams, BM, 5'8", 180 lbs, robbery; Eric Shannon, WM, 6'1", 160 lbs, theft; Kathrina Lindsey, BF, 5'10", 140 lbs, failure to return to jail; Austin Sanchez, HM, 5'10", 165 lbs, meth; Codi Johnson, WF, 5'3", 185 lbs, unlawful possession of syringe; Taylor Roberts, WM, 6'0", 185 lbs, robbery, Cynthia Cope, WF, 5'5", 160 lbs, coke (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

The Louisville Zoo was seeking a name for a male elephant calf
born six weeks ago.
                                                                          [courtesy LEX18]

helswick.jpg Hurshell Elswick, WM, 48, 5'8", 40 lbs, howled for Donna; Donna Evans,WF, 31, 5'7", 125 lbs, Cried wolf; Tina Frederick, WF, 53, 5'3", 135 lbs, illegal puppy mill; Sharon Ruggles, WF, 37, 5'4"m 130 lbs, smuggled snuggles; Sheryl Ingram, BF, 38, 4'8", 160 lbs, bitch-slapped Robert Patton; Robert Patton, 39, 6'2", 200 lbs, featured fugitive of the week, assault 4°, unawlful imprisonment 1° (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

jovannam.jpg Perps of Paducah (courtesy McCracken County Sheriff): Victoria A. Turner, 28, unmonitored; Jovanna Maria Wetherington, 40, FTA

Quotations of the Wheat:      "My big top adventure." – Leonard Simon

schyrell.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Joseph Lee Woody, WM,50, 5'9", 160 lbs, probation violaton (forgery); Dawne Schyrelle Smith, WF, 37, 5'4", 145 lbs., cont. subs.; Ivan Rodriguez, HM, 21, 6'2", 120 lbs, surety off bond (contr. substs.); Karl Vincen Tartt II, BM, 30, 5'6"; 186 lbs, probation viol. (prohibited subsance in correctional facility) (Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week, Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers)

Miley Cyrus appeared to be engaged to her girl friend, Kaitlyn Carter. . .

An 18-year-old woman in Pitts- burg County, Oklahoma, Alex- is Wilson.  bought  an  AK-47 and showed it and  photos  of her holding it  to  co-workers, saying she wanted to shoot at least 400 people "for fun," in- cluding  people she had gone to school with. . . . An Illinois

state representative discussing a pigeon defecation problem with a repor-
ter outside a Chicago subway stop known as  Pigeon  Poop  Station  was
pooped on, on the head, by a pigeon. . . . A 2-year-old girl was killed by
a car's power window that closed on her head in Detroit, Michigan. .  .  .
A couple arrested for drunken bicycling  in  Fernandina Beach,  Florida,
had sex in the back of the patrol car before one of them fled naked. .  .  .
The New York Times reported  that the President frequently called John
Bolton, his recently departed national security adviser, Mike Bolton. . . .
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu called  Boris Johnson,  Brit-
ain's prime minister,  Boris Yeltsin. . . .  A "support clown" blew up bal-
loons and folded them into animals at a firing hearing for a man in New
Zealand. . . . A solid gold toilet named "America" was stolen from Blen-
heim Palace, the birthplace of Winston Churchill,  in Oxfordshire,  Eng-
land. . . . A study comparing temperatures of French postmen's left tes-
ticles to temperatures of right testicles won an Ignoble Prize.  .  .  .  An-
drew Wang Yang  raised more than $1 million in campaign funds  after
the most recent Democratic presidential candidates' debate, in which he
promised to give ten people $1,000 a month for a year,  a proposal chal-
lenged for its questionable legality. . . . Two cybersecurity company em-
ployees arrested for breaking in to the Dallas County Courthouse  in A-
del, Iowa, pleaded that they had been hired to test the courthouse alarm
system. . . . Two frogs married in July  to  bring  rain  to Bhopal,  India,
were  divorced  after flood conditions ensued. . . . Greta  Thunberg met
with Congress and ex-President Obama (but not with the President). . . .
A chapel at Liberty University in Lynchburg,Virginia, revealed a stained
glass painting of the President.
                                                                 [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

Vice President Mikey said he was bitten by American Pharoah. . . .

Volleyball hotties

                
                    The Bowling Green Greenwood High School Gators ("Gatorettes"?)
                    celebrate a 3-2 victory over crosstown rivals South Warren (all pho-
                    tos by Bac Totrong for the Park City Daily News).
 
  Annee Lasley hits against Maddie Rock-               Hannah Hardison returns a serve.
  rohr (left) and Megan Simmons (right).

                                             
                                              Molli Appling.                          Meg Gore passes.

meisingr.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Richard Dale Meisinger, WM, 63, 5'7", 130 lbs, poss. of firearm by a felon; Jimmy Bernard Holmes, BM, 53, 6'0", tattoos, chest & arms, rape & sodomy; Jalanna Marie Bell, BF, 20, 5'4", 180 lbs, aggravated battery; Matthew Douglas Shumard, WM, 27, 5'11", 185 lbs, kidnapping, battering a cop; david Allen Wade, WM, 55, 6'6", 234 lbs, family assault, aggr. battery (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

:

Ted Fiskevold wrote Sun 9/8/2019 @06:40 CDT:

You are up too early thumping papers against
my front door.  Go back to bed.

Joe Biden                 NOT
Elizabeth Warren     NOT
Bernie Sanders        NOT
Julián Castro            NOT
Andrew Yang           NOT
Cory Booker            NOT
Amy Klobuchar       NOT

Kamala Harris         ELECTABLE
Pete Buttigieg          ELECTABLE
Beto O’Rourke        ELECTABLE

• Biden is not credible  (Donald Trump was not regarded as totally incredible
  until after he was elected).
• Warren:   The country is not ready for a shrill bitch  –  even one who has re-
  nounced pretensions of Pocahontas.  Cf. Hillary Clinton.
• Sanders:  The United Status of Trump is not ready for "socialism" by that name.
  
• Castro:  The country is not yet ready for a spic.
• Wang:  Even less for a chink.
• Booker and Klobuchar:  Too pretty, too plainspoken – not credible as politicians.
  
  
• Harris:  She may be "of color,"  but she is not "Afro."  After Obama, the country
  can handle her.
• Buttigieg:  He may be queer,  but he was  elected, mayor of South Bend, as was
  Harvey Milk, to the Board of Supervisors in San Francisco.
• O'Rourke:  He was damn near elected, in Texas.
  

Television's History Channel dropped a planned documentary
on John Dillinger (the effect on a lawsuit to exhume the gangs-
ster's body was not immediately known). . . .

A Southern Indiana judge pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor in
a fight  outside  a  White  Castle  restaurant  in Indianapolis in
which two judges, including the defendant, were shot. . . .

An Amish woman was raped at her home in Marshall County
("Hoosier Yoder!").
                                                  [courtesy Columbus Republic]

cooperss.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Aqua Rivera, HF, 5''3", 115 lbs, meth; Klara Haynes, BF, 5'1", 220 lbs (Yorkshire hog), cocaine and marijuana; Tina Cooper, WF, 5'3", 115 lbs, meth; Shaila Cooper, 5'3", 120 lb, narcotics, poss. of syringe, resisting law enforcement, battery against officer, theft (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

An Owensboro priest chased  the  snatcher  of a parishioner's
purse more than a  mile (and caught him). . . .

                 

methdefs.jpg Four charged in kidnapping case, Whitley County, Lex18News, Douglas Edmonson, Dallas Perkins, Bryanna Soper, Erik Peace

gaddiess.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Steven Gaddie, BM, 32, 6'2", 210 lbs, "featured fugitive of the week", perp of the week; Myrtle Taddie, WF, 27, 5'4", 150 lbs, perp; Buster Baddie, WM, 28, 6'4", 195 lbs, perp; Constance Caddie, WF, 5'4", 210 lbs, perp; Kanye Daddie, BM, 5'10", 161 lbs, perp; Darlene Saddie, WF, 32, 5'8", 147 lbs, perp: Wanda Waddie, WF, 45, 5'5", 150 lbs, perpetuity (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader) the newspaper gave us no information at all on anyone but Mr. Gaddie, and it did not say even what he is wanted for; we had to make that up on all the perps, and we had to make up not only that but also the names, ages and stats of all the others - Editor, Tabloid Headlines

shilekah.jpg Lexington's most wanted according to the Bluegrass Crime Stoppers (no edits here): William Stinson, BM, 19, 5'8", 175 lbs, poss. of stolen prop. over $10,000; Jessica English, BF, 31, 5'6", 125 lbs, robbery; Timothy Davis WM, 26, 6'0", 170 lbs, poss. gun by felon; Nathan McDowell, WM, 30, 5'9" 160 lbs, assault on police officer; Shileka Hill, BF, 37, 5'5", 265 lbs, Yorkshire hog, probation violation (felony shoplifting)

Teresa Wells, 35, was arrested in Harlan County for stealing a
school bus and driving it while drunk.
                                                                       [courtesy LEX18]

Classic quotations of the Wheat (Simon said June 17, 2018):       "I was asked why is it 'Quotations of the Wheat,'  not         'Tweets of the Wheat';  and the answer is, the Wheat         does not 'Tweet'."  #NoTweetoftheWheat                                                                                       – Leonard Simon

dominiqe.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas - Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers): David Villa, HF, 50, 5'6", 140 lbs tampering with a witness; Dominique Humbert, BF, 35, 5'3", 215 lbs (Yorkshire hog), probation viol. (forgery); Stephanie Perry, WF, 38, 5'6", 180 lbs, probation viol. (evading arrest); Tyrone McLauren, BM, 26, 6'2", 2240 lbs, escape; Joshua Sanders, WM, 37,  5'9", 210 lbs, prob. viol. (child aband.)

sleepsal.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Zachary Ray Owen, WM, 17, 5'0", robbery; Mercedes Yvette Scott, BF, 27, 5'6", 160 lbs, assault w/deadly weapon; Rebecca Michelle Gardener, WF, 28, 5'5", 185 lbs, family viol., theft; Stephanie Don Martinez, HF, a/k/a Sleepy Eyed Sally, 31, 5'2", 120 lbs, injury to a child; Robert Craig Carson, WM, 41, 5'11", 185 lbs, fam. viol. (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

almanzan.jpg Wanted in Waco: Joe Galvan Jr., HM, 25, 5'11", 140 lbs, injury to a child, Ruben Almanza, HM, 24, 5'8", 140 lbs, unauthorized use of m.v.; La-Rinzo Leon  Davis, BM, 51, 5'8", 180 lbs, inj. to a child; Wanted in  Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Anwar Sadat Fisher, BM, 41, 6'1", 220 lbs, probation viol. (credit card misuse); Monique Lashea Gross, BF, 23, 5'2", 132 lbs, probation viol. (theft); Jose Antonio Rojas, WM, 32, 5'11", 245 lbs, probation violation (aggravated assault (City of Waco, Sedgwick County Sheriff)

A Southern California mountain lion was killed in his attempt to cross
freeway 405 a second time. . . . A  schoolboy's  lunch  was taken away
from him on his 9th birthday in Green, Ohio, because he still owed  $9
on  his school lunch account.  . . .  A Swedish economist proposed can-
nabalism as an antidote to greenhouse gas emissions. . . .  A truck crash
in Cheshire, England, spilled 7,039 gallons of gin. . . . A man claiming
to be Hitler's great-great-great-nephew was convicted of pedophilia for
kissing a 13-year-old girl in Goerlitz, Germany. . . . Scientists  specula-
ted that the Loch Ness Monster might be a giant eel. . . .  One America
News,  a television network,  sued Rachel Maddow for $10 million for
calling it "paid Russian propaganda." . . . Hasbro  unveiled  a  Ms.  Mo-
nopoly game, in which women get $240 for passing Go while men still
get only $200. . . . The U.S. Trademark Office denied "The" Ohio State
University's application to trademark "The" . . . .  A  couple  in  Taylor,
Michigan, found hair, pebbles and coins at the bottom of a  "Smoothie"
delivered to them by DoorDash. . . .  The  present  leader  of  Al-Qaida,
Ayman al-Zawahri, called on Muslims to attack U.S., European, Israeli
and Russian targets in a speech in Cairo, Egypt, on the 18th anniversary
of the 9/11 terror attacks in New York City. . . . No Democrat in the de-
bate said he would repeal Trump's tarriffs. . . . John  Bolton  got fired.

[courtesy Harp-     er's, LEX18, AP]

At the European soccer championship match between
France and Albania in Paris,  the  national anthem  of
Andorra was played for Albania; and then an apology
was made to Armenia. . . .  The filly of horse racing's
2015 Triple Crown  winner  American  Pharoah  (sp.)
sold  for $8.2 million at a Keeneland auction  in  Lex-
ington, Kentucky. . . .  The New York Times reported
that  2018 Triple Crown winner  Justify  failed a drug
test 2½ weeks before the Kentucky Derby.  . . .  A 17-
year-old girl  who  won a high school swimming race
in Anchorage, Alaska, was disqualified because a ref-
eree said her bathing suit  "was so far up I  could  see
butt cheek touching butt cheek"  (that's called a  "suit
wedgie," a coach said).

lewallen.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Jessica Rangel, 35, cont. subs.; Vanessa Perez, 36, parole viol.; Melissa Salas, 39, nonsupport; Margaret Lewallen, 44, bail jumping; Liliana Lozoya, 20, c.s.; Shawnay Delgren, 30, pos.; Kristen Fisher, 28, marijuana; Sandra Borrego, 49, c.s.; Kelly Lopez, 30, c. subs.

DISCUSSION GROUP:    Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of important current events are invited to attend the Weekly World News Round Table  at the offices of Borf Books out- side Brownsville,Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday. Guest  speakers  lined up for meetings in the near future in- clude Christy Teigen.

:

Fred Dean wrote Sun 9/1/19 @10:27 PDT:

The  Brownsburg,  Indiana,  family thought "somebody"
brought the little girl into the house?  You don't have to
be stupid to be a church member, but it apparently helps!

Purdue University issued yet another press release emphasizing
that it has no connection to Purdue Pharma. . . .

A school bus, a dump truck and nine other vehicles piled up at
an intersection in the Indianapolis  suburb  Avon,  leaving  two
dead and three injured (no children were on the bus;  the dump
truck driver was arrested for DUI,  reckless homicide and leav-
ing the scene).
                                               [Columbus Republic]

niezgods.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers): Dylan Niezgodski, WM, 6'0", 155 lbs, theft, possession of syringe; Jamey Basemann, WM, 5'8", 200 lbs, meth; James Bond, BM, 5'10", 210 lbs, domestic battery; Derek Holloway, WM, 5'9", 200 lbs, domestic strangulation

Steve Inskeep   (misspelling "Innskeep"),  b. June 16, 1968  (age  51),  Carmel,  Indiana, graduate   of  Morehead State University of Morehead,  Kentucky,  in 1990,  co-host  of National Public Radio's Morning Edition.. . . Bigfoot,  sighted in Martinsville,   Indiana, was hunted again in Mammoth Cave,  Na- tional Park,  in Kentucky.

A whopping crowd of about 200 showed  up  in Pikeville  to hear Donald Trump Jr. kick off  a  re- election rally for Governor Self- ie. . . . A 63-year-old woman was arres- ted for driving her car over head- stones in a Metcalfe County cem- etery. . . . A 58-year-old woman visiting her son in the Floyd County Jail got a cell of her own  (she was carrying meth, for him) . . . Franklin Circuit Court Judge Phil- lip Shepherd   refused  to  remove himself from a case brought by the state's attorney general  for having "liked"   a  Clutterbook  Facebook post on the  attorney's  gubernator- ial campaign site.                              [courtesy LEX18]

                                              

carmenst.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Carmen Stone, WF, 47, 5'6", 110 lbs, stoned; David M. Dunn, WM, 46, 5'10", 168 lbs, afraid of cops; Kimberly Bellfield, BF, 54, 5'10", 184 lbs, assault; Charles Murphy, BM, 37, 6'4", 230 lbs, "featured fugitive of the week", assault 4°; Katelyn McDavid, WF, 20, 5'6", 130 lbs, far too pretty to be honest (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader); crickett.jpg Perps of Paducah: Kathy Crick, 51 (shown at 43), failure to appear (shoplifting); Tynisha L. Moore, meth (McCracken County Sheriff)

Classic Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said May 20, 2018):                "Call me.  I'm an E.M.T.; I'm a diver; I'm a driver; I'm a                   Judo expert with a machine gun.  I can help."                                                                                                      – Leonard Simon

joshrose.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week): Joshua Andrew Davis, WM, 27, 6'0", 190 lbs, probation violation (marijuana); Rose Ann Johnson, WF, 28, 5'7", 150 lbs, bond forfeif. (felon firearm poss.); Mario Vasquez, HM, 54, 5'7", 155 lbs, prob. viol. (DUI); Deron Edwards, BM, 31, 5'7", 150 lbs, unlawful firearm poss.; Carol Villa, HF, 56, 5'6", 135 lbs, pro. viol. (tampering w/govt. records)

jenmassy.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Jennifer Ann Massey, WF, 42, 5'2", 135 lbs, tattoos: back, "Tribal," rt. leg, sun, ID theft; Crystal Kichelle Scott, WF, 34, 5'5", 300 lbs (Yorkshire hog), probation violation (burglary) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

marquise.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Marquise Demond Latson, BM, 22, 5'5", 140 lbs, solicitation of a minor; Damien Daitron Joiner, BM, 20, 6'1", 150 lbs, agg. assault; Michael Don Williams, WM, 22, 6'3", 190 lbs, theft of firearm; Jesse Blaek Welty, WM, 46, 6'0", 220 lbs, fam. assault; Casey Lane Matthews, WM, 22, 6'2", 260 lbs, family violence (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

Sirhan Sirhan was stabbed at a Southern California prison. . . . A New
Hampshire woman retained the right to keep her "PB4WEGO" license
plate. . . . All Harry Potter books were removed from the library  of  a
Catholic School in Nashville,  Tennessee,  because,  a pastor said,  the
curses and spells depicted in the books are real and could conjure evil
spirits in the readers. . . . Eight students were killed and two others in-
jured by an ex-con at an elementary school in Enshi,  in  Hubei  prov-
ince,  China,  on the first day of the school year. . . . Justin Bieber ad-
mitted using "pretty heavy drugs" but didn't say what they were.  . . .

Sheriff's deputies called to investigate a burgla- ry in Collier County, Florida, found and detain- ed a cat (burglar). . . . A pet rooster pecked his matron to death in Australia. . . . Bernie  Sand- ers  asked a squalling baby to  pipe  down. . . .

   
(daughter Tiffany, that is). . . . The President clung to his idea that Hur-
ricane Dorian posed a big threat to Alabama, and altered a U.S. weath-
er map with a sharpie to prove his point.  . . . The hurricane was wash-
ing up bricks of cocaine on Florida beaches. . . . Clutterbook Facebook
opened dating. . . . Nicki Minaj retired.
                                                                              [courtesy LEX18, AP]

McKayla Armbruster, pitching for Fair- bault, Minnesota,  High School,  struck out  33  batters  in  a 15-inning softball game against  John  Marshall  High  of Rochester,  winning  3-1.    Her  earned run  average  for  the season  was  1.31. Now she'll be pitching  for  Minnesota State at Mankato. . . . U.S. tennis player Mike Bryan was fined $10,000 for miming shooting a line judge with  his  racket  at  the U.S. Open  (after winning a dispute with the judge over his call).

ashlyper.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Ashley Perez,30, burglary; Brandy Mendoza, 34, theft; Christy Reyna, 36, possession; Courtney LO'Callaghan, 37, theft; Jenny Holland, 32, theft, tresp.; Emily Weatherby, 24, burg.; Sienna Duran, 24, fam. ass.; Valentina Martinez, 51, assaulg on public servant; Sky Munoz, 26, theft; Michelle Mues, 36, DUI; Britney Chandler,32, hinder.; Briana Acevedo, 22, paraphernalia; Demetria Rodriguez, 23, falsity

DISCUSSION GROUP:    Don't   forget!     Readers  interested  in intellectual  dissection  of  important  cur- rent events are invited to attend the Week- ly World News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books  outside Brownsville,  Ken- tucky,   just   after   church  every  Sunday. Guest  speakers  lined up for  meetings  in the near future include Mallory Noe-Payne.

lifebors.jpg Life Saver Dude: Birdbrains - leaders of the English-speaking world

:

Publius Leget wrote Sun 8/25/19 @10:10 CDT:

I didn't get last week's Dear Eleanor column(?).

Why would a woman put quotes around her beloved
husband's name?    – Eleanor

Dumb news from Kentucky:           Grant County High School teacher           Kendall Lynn Burk, 23, was arres-           ted for rape and sodomy of  a  15-           year-old male student. . . .            Three protesters were arrested at           the State Fair's annual  Farm Bu-           reau Country Ham Breakfast; the

                                                                          [courtesy LEX18]

backskul.jpg Back to school in Edmonson County (Edmonson News "The Gimlet"): Bradeyn Combs, 12th, Braedyn Durbin, 1st, Maddie Merryman, 1st, Madison Treece, 9th, Marlena Thomas, 11th, Marlee Treece, 3rd, Mackenzie Wolf, Kindergarten

leajavon.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Ali Anbdeljaber, BM,25, a/k/a Abdeljaber, 6'0", 195 lbs, 'featured fugitive of the week", rcvg. stolen firearm, traffric 1°; Lea Williams, BF, 18, 5'5", 149 lbs, misbehaving in the 3d degree; Javonte Thomas, BM, 23, 5'10", 160 lbs, in league with Lea; Apprehended: David Bryan, WM, 44, 5'11", 170 lbs, caught red-handed (pulled kicking & screaming from the Herald-Leader)

pelfreyr.jpg Bluegrass Crime Stoppers wanted person of the week: Rachel Pelfrey, 34, 5'4", 130 lbs, robbery 1°, possession of heroin, cocaine & meth, violating conditions of release 859-253-2020 bluegrasscrimestoppers.com

  
  

hollyayr.jpg Perps of Paducah: Russell Wayne Horton, 49, bond rev. (meth); Holly D. Ayers, 28, bond revocation; Kenny Ralph Cooper, 56, bond revocation (meth); Audrey K. Dunn, 30, prob. viol.; Jason Penney Jett, 45,fail. to appear (McCracken County Sheriff); hernandz.jpg David M. McGill, 50, auto theft; Johnny R. Hernandez, 60, f.t.a.; Clarissa D. Hernandez, 18, criminal mischief 1°; John Shehorn, 57, cold check; Jeffrey L. Blair, 47, fail. to appear (assault 4°)

"Peduncle" is a real word, defined in most dictionaries as "a stalk-
like structure, esp. a large bundle of nerve fibers within the brain."
But  in  our youth  it meant an automobile on the highway at night
with only one headlight burning:  If the girl of a couple saw it first,
she would yell "Popeye!" or "Peduncle!" and thereby earn the right
to slap the boy. If the boy saw it first, he could yell "Padiddle!" and
have the right to kiss the girl.  "Padiddle" is not in most dictionaries,
but  Wikipedia  has an entry on "padiddle"  referring to the boy-girl
game and also to "popeye," but not to "peduncle."  (The Urban Dic-
tionary, by the way, defines "peduncle" as "your uncle that molested
you as a child.") .

Classic quotations of the Wheat (Simon said April 8, 2018):       "She asked for it 'doggie style' – and when she came, she         barked!"                                                                        – Leonard Simon

sibilbor.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): David Bradshaw, 45, mj; Cristina Sibilboro, 22, Ev.; Kathy Woods, 25, resisting; Shanandoah Sanders, 49, burglary; Patricia Morgan, 20, trespass; Shannon Hood, 25, trespass; Arielle Padilla, 24, resisting; Kristen Cary, 37, fraud, trespass; Shanin Murphy, 30, misc

loughead.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week): Robert Hernandez Jr., HM, 44, 5'5", 165 lbs, probation viol. (cont. substs.); Margaret Loughead, WF, 25, 5'4", 165 lbs, probation violation (burglary); Dirhonda Alexander, BF, 43, 5'6", 170 lbs, prob. viol. (con. subs.); Ricky Westbrook, WM, 47, 5'6", 175 lbs, probation viol. (crim. misch.); Anthony Willis, BM, 50, 5'7", 209 lbs, cruelty to animals (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers)

Former White House press secretary Sean Spicer will be on TV's Dancing
with the Stars when it premieres its new season September 16 (we're hold-
ing our collective breaths for  Melissa McCarthy).  .  .  .  Sarah  Huckabee
Sanders  will join Fox News as a contributor September 6. . . . A 12-year-
old girl  was arrested in Brandon,  Florida,  for  threatening  on  SlapCrap
SnapChat to shoot up her middle school. . . .A federal appeals court ruled
that Idaho must provide "gender confirmational" surgery to a prisoner. . . .
A woman was arrested for animal abuse in Brevard County,  Florida,  for
putting her dog in the trunk of her car. .  .  .  "Transgender  women"  were
forcefully removed from a bar in Los Angeles, California, on the first day
of an LGBTQ festival (there's video). . . . A  Maryland  man  was held in
custody by Customs & Border Protection for nearly three months for pos-
session of honey mistaken for meth. . . . A Florida man battling flesh-eat-
ing bacteria has lost 25 per cent of his skin. . . . Oreos pre-licked by Scot-
tish singer Lewis Capaldi were being auctioned  (by  Oreo).  . . .  A  store
display  at a mall in Orland Park,  Illinois,  consisting of  two  steel  walls
8 feet high,  fell on a 2-year-old girl and killed her. . . .  Cheetahs  became
an endangered species.
                                                                                    [courtesy LEX18, AP]

susannac.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Christopher Lynn Roberts, WM, 18, 5'9", 185 lbs,child sex. assault; Joy Susanna Cloud, WF, 42, 5'3", 175 lbs, assault of public servant; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Darrien Montez Strong, BM, 23, 6'0", 190 lbs, probation violation; Wanted in Waco: Octavia Johnson, BF, 25, 5'0", 125 lbs, theft, credit card abuse; Crystal Gill, BF, 29, 5'5", 270 lbs (Yk.-shire hog), evading arrest (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff, City of Waco)

The U.S. Patent Office denied Tom Brady a "Tom Terrific" trademark,
as Tom Seaver already had it . . . For only $26 you can get a  "blooper
burger" at an Atlanta Braves baseball game, consisting of four cheese-
burger patties, a foot-long hot dog, four chicken tenders, nacho cheese,
tater tots, jalapeño peppers, lettuce, tomato and onion inside  two  long
slices of buttered Texas toast with red and blue caramel popcorn on the
sides. . . . Simone Biles' brother was arrested in a triple murder in Cleve-
land, Ohio. . . .

DISCUSSION GROUP:    Don't  forget!  Readers  interested  in intellectual dissection of important cur- rent  events  are  invited  to  attend  the Weekly World News  Round  Table  at the  offices  of   Borf   Books   outside Brownsville,    Kentucky,    just   after church  every  Sunday.    Guest  speak- ers lined up for  meetings  in  the  near future include Greta Thunberg.

lifestrs.jpg Life Saver Dude: No wonder I feel drunk when I wake and come downstairs for breakfast