June 28, 2020:    Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter
in the supermarket 
–“  this week's headlines  (this week's issue
brought to you by duck duck go)
:


hed20064.jpg Tik-Tok teens tank Trump's Tulsa rally (NY Times); Curfews, troops in the streets, chaos in America, protestsinfiltrated by domestic crime groups, looting planned in advance with military precision (Enquirer); F Lee Bailey proves O. J. Simpson framed by cops, planted evidence to even Rodney King scandal score (Globe); Meghan destroys Kate's world, William threatens legal action (In Touch)
hed20064.jpg Tik-Tok teens tank Trump's Tulsa rally (NY Times); Curfews, troops in the streets, chaos in America, protestsinfiltrated by domestic crime groups, looting planned in advance with military precision (Enquirer); F Lee Bailey proves O. J. Simpson framed by cops, planted evidence to even Rodney King scandal score (Globe); Meghan destroys Kate's world, William threatens legal action (In Touch)

        Let alone the oppressed and the minorities – have not the statues taken enough shit?
statuesf.jpg They've taken enough shit . . .
LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Glyfada Gawjarone wrote Fri 6/26/20 @11:31 CDT:
The Curse of 2020 is upon us.

Todd Martin wrote Weds
6/24/20 @08:53 EDT from central Ohio:
They are taking down statues of Christopher Columbus
in Columbus, Ohio, and Sacramento and San Francisco,
California;  and they want to rename the city here in O-
hio.  What about The Columbus Book of Euchre?
The Columbus Book of Euchre  is  based on how the card game
euchre is played in Columbus, Indiana.   We have already filed
a "cease and desist" letter with the central Indiana city (most in-
ternet sites say "Southern Indiana," but it isn't)  demanding that
it not change its name without our permission.

                             Natty  Bumppo, 
Editor of Tabloid Headlines
                             and auth
or of The Columbus Book of Euchre

P.S.  W
here does all this leave Columbus, Georgia?

Dumb news from Indiana:
Tested positive, 44,140; died, 2,595. . . .

Old Ben, the world's largest stuffed steer,  and his sycamore stump
in Kokomo made the list of the top twenty Hoosier roadside attrac-
tions
.
                                                               [courtesy Kokomo Tribune]

gbetoudo.jpg South Bend's most wanted:: Gage Ramer, WM, 6'0", 180 lbs, meth, Koscisusco County; Charles Koffi Ghetoudor, BM, 5'8", 200 lbs, counterf; Deonte Stutsman, BM, 5'8", 175 lbs, robbery (Michiana Crime Stoppeers)
gbetoudo.jpg South Bend's most wanted:: Gage Ramer, WM, 6'0", 180 lbs, meth, Koscisusco County; Charles Koffi Ghetoudor, BM, 5'8", 200 lbs, counterf; Deonte Stutsman, BM, 5'8", 175 lbs, robbery (Michiana Crime Stoppeers)

Dumb news from Kentucky
:

Tested positive, 15,167; died, 554. . . .

All Lexington district polls were moved to the University of Ken-
tucky football stadium,  Kroger Field,  for  primary  election  day
last Tuesday,  and  all  Louisiville  polls  were moved to the Ken-
tucky Exposition Center
.
               
                                                           [courtesy LEX18]

vernonsh.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Vernon Wilson, BM, 56, 5'10", 188 lbs, perceived as black; Brian Hines, WM, 32, 6'0", 180 lbs, perceived as white; Brian Dobson, WM, 49, 6'0", 220 lbs, perceived as rough' Troy Spencer, BM. 29, 5'8", 150 lbs, perceived a . . . , James Turner, BM, 53, 6'2", 175 lbs, no fucking doubt (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)
vernonsh.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Vernon Wilson, BM, 56, 5'10", 188 lbs, perceived as black; Brian Hines, WM, 32, 6'0", 180 lbs, perceived as white; Brian Dobson, WM, 49, 6'0", 220 lbs, perceived as rough' Troy Spencer, BM. 29, 5'8", 150 lbs, perceived a . . . , James Turner, BM, 53, 6'2", 175 lbs, no fucking doubt (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

Quotation of the week:
                                        "You ask a question brimming
                                          with malice."
                                                                 
Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesman Zhao Lijian, in
                                                                      response to a reporter's question whether two indict-
                                                                      ed Canadians were victims of "hostage diplomacy"

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):


    "Excuse me, miss, but I'm going to have to ask you to

      leave – you're making all the other girls look bad."


                                                                – Leonard Simon



Birthdays:
                   June 22:  Cyndi Lauper, 67
                                   Meryl Streep, 71
                                   Lindsay Wagner, 71
                                   Elizabeth Warren, 71
                                   Kris Kristofferson, 84
                                   Dianne Feinstein, 87
                   June 23:  Frances McDormand, 64
                   June 24:  Jeff Beck, 76
                   June 25:  Carly Simon, 75
                                   James Meredith, 87
                   June 26:  Chuck Robb, 81
                                   Big Bill Broonzy (1893-1958)
                   June 27:  Khloe Kardashian, 36
                                   H. Ross Perot (1930-2019)
                    June 28:  Kellie Pickler, 34
                                   John Elway, 60
                                   Melvin James Kaminsky ("Mel Brooks"), 94
Deaths:
             
Sergei Khrushchev, 85
              Jim Kiick,
73
              Siya Kakkar, 16
              Glanetta Hill, 60
  
                                                          [Louisville Courier-Journal]


chondral.jpg Wanted in Waco: D'Monte K. Davis, BM, 18, 5'9", 140 lbs, organized crime; Angela Marie Carpenter, WF, 43, 5'6", 145 lbs, exploitation ofelderl; Chondra Ann Lang,WF, 46, 5'8", 150 lbs, meth; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas), Ashanika Marie Holloman, BF, 29, 5'6", 115 lbs, probation viol. (domestic battery); Ronald Newton Sweetwater, WM,52, 6'4", 300 lbs,, ag. battery (City of Waco, Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff)
chondral.jpg Wanted in Waco: D'Monte K. Davis, BM, 18, 5'9", 140 lbs, organized crime; Angela Marie Carpenter, WF, 43, 5'6", 145 lbs, exploitation ofelderl; Chondra Ann Lang,WF, 46, 5'8", 150 lbs, meth; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas), Ashanika Marie Holloman, BF, 29, 5'6", 115 lbs, probation viol. (domestic battery); Ronald Newton Sweetwater, WM,52, 6'4", 300 lbs,, ag. battery (City of Waco, Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff)
Borf 's weekly BONUS:
American Idol winner Laine Hardy tested positive. . . . Tom Petty's
survivors gave a "cease and desist" demand to the Trump campaign
to quit playing Petty's song "I Won't Back Down." . . .  Eskimo  Pie
was being renamed  (but, what?  "Native Alaskan poop"?).  Not  to
mention Darlie toothpaste,  already  renamed  from  Darkie.. . .
The
municipality Saint-Josse-ten-Noode of Brussels, Belgium, 
allowed
brothels to reopen July 1  except  on  Sundays
.  .  .  A North Myrtle
Beach, South Carolina, 
strip club was allowed to reopen,  but  only
for service of food and drink,  not  stripping.  .  .  . A Scotsman
was
fined
£280 (in Scotland) for calling his former girl friend's Irish new
boy friend a leprechaun
.  .  .  .  A
65-year-old woman demonstrating
for animal rights was run over and killed by a truck  full  of  pigs  in
Burlington,  Ontario.. . . A drunken monkey in  Mirzapur, India, see-
king another drink bit some 250 persons, killing one (he was senten-
ced to life in a zoo). . . . More  than  half  the states  have found gun
shops  "essential businesses"  that should be allowed to stay open in
the pandemic. . . . The Dixie Chicks dropped the "Dixie" from their
name.
                                                          [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

jyzharma.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): John Schelly, 47, DUI 3x; Apatsone Saeung, 23, marijuana; Teresa LaSater, 56, marijuana; Dezarae Enriques, 30, paraphernalia; Jyzharnae & Gabreal Greenwood (l. to r.), both 20, marijuana; Dewey Bingham, 56, parole viol.
jyzharma.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): John Schelly, 47, DUI 3x; Apatsone Saeung, 23, marijuana; Teresa LaSater, 56, marijuana; Dezarae Enriques, 30, paraphernalia; Jyzharnae & Gabreal Greenwood (l. to r.), both 20, marijuana; Dewey Bingham, 56, parole viol.
The sports:
Novak Djokovic tested positive.  .  .  .  A semiprofessional soc-
cer team in Tulsa, Oklahoma, abandoned tha National Anthem
for Woody Guthrie's "This Land Is Your Land."

DISCUSSION GROUP:

   Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectu-
al dissection of important current events  are in-
vited  to attend the Weekly World News Round
Table  at  the  offices  of   Borf   Books  outside
Brownsville,  Kentucky, just  after church every
Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in
the near future will include Molly Seavy-Nesper.
mollysea.jpg








Dear Eleanor:
                            My girl friend and I moved in together last year,  and
                            we're having a repeated fight over foot hygiene.  She
                            takes off her shoes before entering the apartment and
                            then washes her feet in the bath.      But I take off my
                            shoes and go about my business – making  dinner  or
                            whatever.  My girl says the smell of my feet extreme-
                            ly displeases her, regardless of how much I sweat any
                            particular day. She says she can even smell my feet if
                            I immediately put on clean socks.  I love this woman,
                            but I cannot live the rest of my life having to wash my
                            feet every time I come home from any errand.   Am  I
                            being unreasonable?
                                        
                                          Dogged by my Dogs
Dear Doggerel:
                             I really need more information to answer
your question.
                             Please send me one of your stale socks,  and hire some-
                             one to waylay your honey on the street and lift her shoe
                             or a sock or a stocking.  Send me that,  too,  wrapped in
                             plastic or cellophane to preserve the odor.   Then I think
                             I'll know how to deal with this.


Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "Christine Higbee
" titled "Here's
        the inforamation on how it works"
and thirteen more messages from "Clutterbook"
        "Facebook" titled "See Stephen Yates's message and other notifications you've missed
."


lifebagc.jpg Life Saver Dude: She went to the Humane        Society to volunteer and foound an intense bag check
lifebagc.jpg Life Saver Dude: She went to the Humane Society to volunteer and foound an intense bag check

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

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TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without
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will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


Previous issue

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Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



June 21, 2020:     Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter
in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:


Harry & Meghan living in fear, drones stalk L.A. hideaway, $10 million security bill to protect Archie, Prince Charles bails them out of cash flow crisis (US Weekly); Meghan's $10M feud over Diana's jewels, refuses Prince William's order to return them, He fears she'll sell them for quick cash (Enquirer); Prince Andrew breaks his silence, over kinky parties with teen-age girls (Star); Prince Andrew caught fleeing Britain (Globe); Dying Rush Limbaugh: 'Pray for me!" (Enquirer:); J-Lo cancels A-Rod wedding (Enquirer); Ellen going broke! (In Touch); Troubled Angelina giving up kids, why Shiloh will be delighted to live with Dad (Globe)
Harry & Meghan living in fear, drones stalk L.A. hideaway, $10 million security bill to protect Archie, Prince Charles bails them out of cash flow crisis (US Weekly); Meghan's $10M feud over Diana's jewels, refuses Prince William's order to return them, He fears she'll sell them for quick cash (Enquirer); Prince Andrew breaks his silence, over kinky parties with teen-age girls (Star); Prince Andrew caught fleeing Britain (Globe); Dying Rush Limbaugh: 'Pray for me!" (Enquirer:); J-Lo cancels A-Rod wedding (Enquirer); Ellen going broke! (In Touch); Troubled Angelina giving up kids, why Shiloh will be delighted to live with Dad (Globe)

onionesq.jpg onionesq.jpg the Onion America's finest news source Breaking news Onion on the verge of collapse not being able to make up shit more idiotic than currentreality
onionesq.jpg the Onion America's finest news source Breaking news Onion on the verge of collapse not being able to make up shit more idiotic than currentreality


LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Publius Leget wrote Sun 6/14/20 @10:27 CDT:
Why did I see a portrait of Hank Lindeman on your Kentucky ballot
last week and a 10-minute taped interview,  but  not  his name on the
ballot?
We superimposed his bio on the graphic of the ballot.  Why you did not
see his name on the ballot is that he is unopposed in the Democratic pri-
mary for 2nd District Congressman from Kentucky.   You will note that
Kathleen Free is running against the incumbent, Brett Guthrie, in the Re-
publican primary.  We can tell you also that Robert Lee Perry is running
unopposed in the Libertarian primary and that Poet Tribble is running as
a write-in.    – Editor


Anthony Dean wrote Sun 6/14/20 @10:28 CDT:
What's criminal about swallowing?
Concealment  of evidence.    – Ed.

Dumb news from Indiana:
Tested positive, 43,215; died, 2,536. . . .

A 4-year-old shot and killed his 1-year-old brother in South Bend. . . .

A wildlife center in Charlestown was prohibited by a court from ta-
king in
46 new animals, including four monkeys, a grizzly bear and
a python.
   
                                                         [courtesy Columbus Republic]

jerechad.jpg Wanted in Lawrence County, Indiana; Jeremy Chad Mann, 45, driving on susp. lic.; Brandy Nicole Mitchell, 37, possession of drug paraphernalia; Harold Cooper, 67 (sic), criminal trespass; Tricia Falls, 48, theft; Barbara Alison Haper, 30, deliv. ctrl. substs.; Randy Lester May, 45, controlled substs. (SpotCrime)

Dumb news from Kentucky
:

breonnat.jpg Breonna couldn't sleep; Mitch shouldn't either
   A young crowd formed outside Senator Mitch McConnell's house in
   Louisville to protest police violence (Breonna is a woman shot eight
   times,  and dead,  in her bed by police executing a "no knock" arrest
   warrant for a woman other than her).
                                                                       [courtesy Courier-Journal]
   Tested positive, 
13,630; died, 524.
        
                                                      [courtesy LEX18]
guyhouse.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Guy House, WM, 41, 6'2", 240 lbs, He'll give "House arrest" a new meaning; Stevie (not Ray) Vaughan, WM, 28, coppin' the blues; Franklin Price, WM, 30, 180 lbs; Freddie Price, WM, 29, 135 lbs; You've not heard of the notorious Price fixers? Mark Winkle, WM, 37, 5'10", 175 lbs: Rip Van's great-great-grandson, Guy House' cousin (pulled kicking & screaming from the Herald-Leader)
guyhouse.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Guy House, WM, 41, 6'2", 240 lbs, He'll give "House arrest" a new meaning; Stevie (not Ray) Vaughan, WM, 28, coppin' the blues; Franklin Price, WM, 30, 180 lbs; Freddie Price, WM, 29, 135 lbs; You've not heard of the notorious Price fixers? Mark Winkle, WM, 37, 5'10", 175 lbs: Rip Van's great-great-grandson, Guy House' cousin (pulled kicking & screaming from the Herald-Leader)
Quotations of the week:
                                          "You don't need to protest; you won."
                                                                                                          – New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo

        "
All of the research says we're shooting African-Americans about 24% less  than
         we probably ought to."
                                               
Tulsa, Oklahoma, police Major Travis Yates
Quotation of the weak:
                                       "Could it be that . . .  the colored . . . do not wash their hands as well as
                                         other groups?"
                                                                    – Dr.
Stephen A. Huffman, Ohio state senator

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):


    "Excuse me, miss, but, do you have an inhaler?
      Because you took my breath away!"

                                                                   – Leonard Simon



Birthdays:
                    June 15:  Terri Gibbs, 66
                                    Xi Jinping, 67
                                   Janet Lennon, 74
                                   Mario Cuomo (1932-2015)
                                   Erroll Garner (1923-1977)
                    June 16: 
Phil Mickelson, 50
                                  
The Editor, 80
                                   Billy "Crash" Craddock, 81
                                   Geronimo (1829-1909)
                    June 17:  Venus Williams, 40
                                    Newt Gingrich,77

                                    Barry Manilow, 77
                  June 18:  Blake Shelton, 44
                                  Sandy Posey, 76

                                  Paul McCartney, 78
                                  Lou Gehrig (1903-1941)
                   June 19:  Boris Johnson, 56
                                   Aung San Suu Kyi, 75
                                   Elaine "Spanky" McFarlane, 78
                                   Shirley "Cha Cha" Muldowney, 80
                   June 20
:  Nicole Kidman, 53
                                   Lionel Richie, 71
                                   Anne Muray, 75
                                   Brian Wilson, 78
                                   Jean-Marie Le Pen, 92
                   June 21:  Edward Snowden, 37
                                   Prince William, 38
                                   Joko Widodo, 59
                                   Kathy Mattea, 61
                                   Benazir Bhutto (1953-2007)
                                   Jane Russell (1921-2011)
Deaths:
              Vera Lyn
, 103
              Jean Kennedy Smith, 92
              Ian Holm, 88
              Nellodean Evans, 70
             
Sharon A. Durbin Ballew Shope 71
  
                                                                            [Louisville Courier-Journal]


Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
Next year's Academy Awards presentations were rescheduled from Febru-
ary to April. .  .  .  Those 
rallying with Donald Trump in Tulsa,  Oklahoma,
June 20   (the day after Juneteenth)  had  to sign waivers of covid-19 infec-
tion. .  .  .  T
he U.S. military conducted surveillance  in  New York,  Ohio,
Minnesota, Colorado, Arizona, Tennessee and Kentucky. . . . France aban-
doned choke holds for stun guns.. . .  Band-Aid announced a new product
line to match various skin tones. . . . Aunt Jemima was on the way out. . . .
"WLM" ("white lives matter")  was spray-painted on the base of a a statue
of Arthur Ashe in Richmond, Virginia. . . .
The Christopher Columbus sta-
tue at City Hall in Columbus, Ohio, was to be taken down, along with Co-
lumbus statues in San Francisco and Sacramento, California, in an epidem-
ic of racist cleansing (and a petition was circulating to rename the Ohio city
Flavortown). . . . Florida reported
3,207 new coronavirus cases and 43 new
deaths in one day. . . .
                                                                   
[courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

becaolgu.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Kristofer Murdoch, 33, poss.; Agelica Nunez, 35, paraphern.; Natividad Delarosa, 36, joy riding; Juanita Samaniego, 30, theft; Robin Collins, 30, theft; Rebeca Olguin, 26, DUI; Daniel Cantu, 31, a/k/a Jesus, PI
becaolgu.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Kristofer Murdoch, 33, poss.; Agelica Nunez, 35, paraphern.; Natividad Delarosa, 36, joy riding; Juanita Samaniego, 30, theft; Robin Collins, 30, theft; Rebeca Olguin, 26, DUI; Daniel Cantu, 31, a/k/a Jesus, PI

The sports:
Cleveland Browns quarterback Baker Mayfield said he
would not kneel for the National Anthem for this year's
National Football League season (if there is one).
  . . .
Tiz the Law won the Belmont Stakes horse race,  cros-
sing the finish line before empty grandstands.


DISCUSSION GROUP:

   Don't  forget!  
Readers interested in intellectu-
al dissection of important current events   are  in-
vited  to  attend  the Weekly World News Round
Table  at  the  offices  of    Borf    Books   outside
Brownsville,  Kentucky,  just  after church  every
Sunday.   Guest speakers lined up for meetings in
the near future will include the editor of the news-
paper who juxtaposed this article and ad.
daddyday.jpg Man, 73, awaits sentencing for killing sleeping son; Just in Time for Father's Day

daddyday.jpg Man, 73, awaits sentencing for killing sleeping son; Just in Time for Father's Day

Dear Eleanor:
                            I married two years ago.  A year later came our first
                            child.  I never imagined I would ever want a divorce.
                            But I found out early this year that my  husband  has
                            a fetish about  bigger  women.

                            He is a  "feeder."  He has bought books and watches
                            videos and reads stories about this while sitting next
                            to me on the couch.  It turns him on!  He  has  asked
                            me to consider  gaining  weight.  I told him he needs
                            help.   I made an appointment for him to see a thera-
                            pist.  Help!
                                                                                          Feeder's Wife
Dear Feedbag:
                            Get all your overweight friends to hold him an orgy;
                            then sue him for divorce for infidelity.


Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "SourceForge Resources" titled
        "Be Efficient. Support Remotely"
and six more messages from "Clutterbook"
        "Facebook" titled "See Stephen Yates's message and other notifications you've missed
."


lifeaccu.jpg "Ed's 1-second accupuncture treatment - Ready?" Life Saver Dude: Not quite
lifeaccu.jpg "Ed's 1-second accupuncture treatment - Ready?" Life Saver Dude: Not quite

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without
that redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines €“ or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett

Previous issue

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Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



June 14, 2020:     Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter
in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:


O.J. murder trial juror was bribed, who paid him blood money, why he snapped and killed himself (Star); Meghan & Harry, neighbors from hell, If you ask about Archie, she snaps (Star); Cher turns 74, in hiding and in love, romance with boy, 27 (OK); Princess Diana's last day alive, shocking detals of her final hours (Examiner); Sisters at war: Khloe, Kim, Kendall (In Touch)

LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Anthony Dean wrote Sun 6/7/20 @10:27 CDT:
Alexa Aldrich is the scariest looking perp you have ever posted.
aldricha.jpg
Malachi Dean wrote Weds 6/10/20 @20:00 CDT:
I'm confused by the news:  I thought the Police already had been
disbanded –
when Sting went solo, 35 years ago.
De do do do, de da da da . . . .    – Editor

Editorial:
So who will be the first out with a hit folk song about Mr. Floyd"?

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without
that redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines €“ or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)

 

Dumb news from Indiana:
Tested positive, 40,535; died, 2,413.  Theaters, bars, museums and
amusement parks were allowed to reopen.

                                                         [courtesy Columbus Republic]

Dumb news from Kentucky:
Tested positive, 12,445; died, 499. . . .

A Baptist church that reopened May 17 in Jessamine County went
back to services on line  after 17 members tested positive for coro-
navirus.
               
                                                            [courtesy LEX18]

kathrynn.jpg Lexington's most wanted: (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader): William Rayburn, WM, 39, 6'2", 160 lbs, hijacking; Kathrynne McCane, WF, 21, 5'2", 120 lbs, swallowing; Danny Shaw, WM, 34, 5'8", 220 lbs, wallowing; Lorrie O'Connor, WF, 45, 5'7", 145 lbs, gatpacking; Kalin Poe, WM, 27, 6'0", 180 lbs, up to no good, at all

  
     hanklind.jpg

Quotation of the week
:
                                        "
If sex isn’t real, the lived reality of women globally is
                                          erased."
                                                          J. K. Rowling

               
"Literature is writing that, a hundred years after the death of the author, is forced
                  on high school students."
                                                               – Tom Clancy


Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):


    "Excuse me, miss, but – are you from Tennessee?

     Because you're the only 10 I see."

                                                                – Leonard Simon


donshaes.jpg Wanted in Waco (City of Waco): Donshae Vershon Satchell, BM, 24, 5'8", 160 lbs, probation violation (sexual assault of a child); Tyra A. McWilliams, BF, 22, 4'11", 125 lbs, probation violation (theft); Abimael Rodriguez, HM, 20, 5'6", 120 lbs, prob. viol. (assault by occlusion); Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Roady Lee Scheafer, a/k/a Rowdy Scheafer, WM, 6', 182 lbs, tattoos on left forearm and left pinky: Prob.viol. (aggr. battery, crim. damage) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)
Birthdays:
                    June 8: Kim Clijsters, 37
                                 William Royce "Boz" Scaggs, 76
                                 Lt. William Calley, 77
                                 Nancy Sinatra, 80
                                 Barbara Bush (1925-2018)
                    June 9:  Johnny Depp, 57
                    June 10:  F. Lee Bailey, 87
                                   Prince Philip, 99
                                   Frances Gumm ("Judy Garland," 1922-1969)
                    June 11:  Diana Taurasi, 38

                                   Mehmet ("Dr.") Oz, 60
                    June 12:  Armando ("Chick") Corea, 79
                                   George H. W. Bush (1924-2018)
                    June 13:  Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen, 34
                    June 14:  "Boy George" O'Dowd, 59
                                   Donald Trump, 74

                                   Joe Arpaio, 88
                                   Burl Ives Matter (1909-1995)
Deaths:
              Bonnie Pointer, 69
              Dorothy Bell Rawlins Guthrie, 90
              Betty Louise Curry Litsey McMakin, 81
              La'Deju Neal, 32
              Uneeda Sue Pugh, 86
                                                             [Louisville Courier-Journal]

 


Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
New Zealand declared itself coronavirus-free. . . .  A German shepherd
in New York tested positive. . . . 
In public protests in the United States
in the last two weeks,  police arrested more than 10,000 people, assault-
ed  173  journalists.  used tear gas  in  Seattle,  Washington,  after it was
banned by the city,  pulled down a man’s face mask to pepper-spray him
in Brooklyn, shoved a 75-year-old Buffalo activist to the ground, groped,
beat and handcuffed a woman in Indianapolis, knee-choked a man for vi-
olating a curfew in Columbia, South Carolina,  broke into a woman’s car
and knee-choked her in Chicago, Illinois,  fractured the skulls of two stu-
dents by firing "less lethal" ammunition  into a crowd  in  Austin,  Texas,
fatally tear-gassed an environmentalist in Columbus, Ohio,  and shot and
killed the Rastafarian owner of a barbecue restaurant  in Louisville,  Ken-
tucky  (much more  in Harper's Weekly Review). . . .
Plans were announc-
ed i
n Austria, to turn the house in which Adolf Hitler was born into a po-
lice station
. .  .  .  Two West Virginia men claimed in a lawsuit  that  they
were switched at birth in 1942 and brought up by the wrong families. . . .
A black woman with a recent degree in law, politics and society convinc-
ed Merriam-Webster to broaden its definition of racism. . . . A Christoph-
er Columbus statue was beheaded in Boston. . . . The  country  trio  Lady
Antebellum dropped all but one letter of its surname (it will now be Lady
A
). . . .  A woman
died after her head got stuck inside a clothing donation
bin
in Atlanta, Georgia.
                                                                 
[courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

chsobota.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green

Dear Eleanor:
                               Should I have given my daughter a gift  on  Mothers
                            Day?   She is married and has a child.   Fathers  Day
                            is coming up.  Should I give a gift to my son-in-law?

                                                                                                    Mother
Dear Mama:
                            Huh?  Wha'?



DISCUSSION GROUP:

   Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectu-
al dissection of important current events  are in-
vited  to attend the Weekly World News Round
Table  at  the  offices  of   Borf   Books  outside
Brownsville,  Kentucky, just  after church every
Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in
the near future will include Judy Woodruff.
woodruff.jpg



Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "Erica at CosmoLex <communi-
        cation@cosmolex.com>
" titled "New Webinar: How to Improve Your Firm's Fi-
        nancial Security"
and three more messages from "Clutterbook" "Facebook" titled
        "See Stephen Yates's message and other notifications you've missed
."

Life Saver Dude: It would be a palindrome if 'raccoon' weres spelledwith 1 c; liferacc.jpg Always wears a mask, compulsively washes hands, letters of racoon rearranged spell corona

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without
that redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines €“ or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)


People who invited us to be their "friends" on Clutterbook Facebook in the last week included
wiwinwin.jpg Wiwin Win Win'z SMU MUHAMMADIYAHI KEPANJEN; Batik Eemu7kus, workdsatWiaasaha Muda

 

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


Previous issue

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Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



June 7, 2020:     Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter
in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:


Amy Grant has open heart surgery to fix heart condition
Amy Grant has open heart surgery to fix heart condition (USA Today); Syracuse University basketballer has groin surgery to fix groin; U. of Chicago president recovering from brain surgery on his brain; Rand Paul realizes 'social distance' by making everyone despise him (Borowitz); Angele Merkel practices 'social distance' by staying 4,000 miles away from U.S. (Borowitz)

Dumb news from Indiana:
Tested positive, 36,997; died, 2,292. . . .

A Chesterton
town councilman resigned after taking heat for jo-
king on  Clutterbook Facebook  that a friend who's a plow truck
driver should "straightblade" protesters blocking his route. . . .

The State Fair was canceled. . . .

A  lady  jailer  was arrested for driving into protesters at a George
Floyd riot in Kokomo. . . .

A former Indiana University football player known as  "Mr. India-
napolis" was one of two persons shot and killed in a George Floyd
riot in Indianapolis.
                                                         [courtesy Columbus Republic]
misshavn.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Nicholas Robertson, WM, 6'3", 295 lbs, Meth, misshaving; Alexa Aldrich, WF, 5'3", 145 lbs, Nick's barber, meth, misshaving; Dantell Gregory, BM, 5'9", 200 lbs, criminal mischief (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
misshavn.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Nicholas Robertson, WM, 6'3", 295 lbs, Meth, misshaving; Alexa Aldrich, WF, 5'3", 145 lbs, Nick's barber, meth, misshaving; Dantell Gregory, BM, 5'9", 200 lbs, criminal mischief (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
Dumb news from Kentucky:
Tested positive, 11,287; died, 470. . . .

chrismil.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Christopher Miller, WM, 35, 6'2", 220 lbs, incompleete mustache; Juquisha Beasley, BF, 31, 5'6", 140 lbs, evil eyes; Nathan Burns, WM, 26, 5'11", 167 lbs, thinking evil thoughts; Kelly Crouch, WF, 34, 5'4", 120 lbs, triplping Christopher Miller into a sewer (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)
chrismil.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Christopher Miller, WM, 35, 6'2", 220 lbs, incompleete mustache; Juquisha Beasley, BF, 31, 5'6", 140 lbs, evil eyes; Nathan Burns, WM, 26, 5'11", 167 lbs, thinking evil thoughts; Kelly Crouch, WF, 34, 5'4", 120 lbs, triplping Christopher Miller into a sewer (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

Louisville's police chief, with a month to go until retirement,  was
fired after a popular restaurateur was killed by police in a George
Wright riot and the cops were not wearing body cameras. . . .

               
                                                           [courtesy LEX18]
Quotation of the week:
                                        "Corona is like your wife.  Initially, you try to control it; then you
                                          realize you can't."
                                                                            –
Indonesian minister Mohammad Mahfud

        "It's good that [coronavirus] deaths are concentrated among the old.  That will reduce
          our pension deficit."
                                                
Brazilian insurance magnate Solange Vieira

Quotations of the weak:
                                        "
I don't believe there's ever been a good person of color killed
                                         by a police officer."
                                                                            James Stewart, Mayor, Temecula, California

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):


    "Excuse me, miss, but, are you cake?  Because I want

      a piece of that!"

                                                                – Leonard Simon


 
ashleylo.jpg Locked up in San Angelo by the Tom Green County (Texas) Sheriff (left to right) Ashley Lopez, 30, driving w/o lic.; Jessica Villa, 41, marijuana; Crystal Martinez, 33, federal warrant
ashleylo.jpg Locked up in San Angelo by the Tom Green County (Texas) Sheriff (left to right) Ashley Lopez, 30, driving w/o lic.; Jessica Villa, 41, marijuana; Crystal Martinez, 33, federal warrant
Birthdays:
                    June 1:  Alanis Morissette, 46
                                  Morgan Freeman, 83
                                  Pat Boone, 86
                                  Norma Jean Mortenson ("Marilyn Monroe," 1926-1962)
                    June 2:  Abby Wambach, 40
                                  Charlie Watts, 79
                                  Jim Maloney, 80
                    June 3:  Jim Gentile, 86
                                  Raul Castro, 89
                    June 4:  Angelina Jolie, 45
                                  Mama Michelle, 76
                                  Dr. Ruth, 92
                    June 5:  Kenneth Bruce Gorelick ("Kenny G"), 64
                                  Gail Davies, 72
                    June 6:  Holly Near, 71
                                  Gary "U.S." Bonds, 81
                    June 7:  Vice President Mikey, 61
                                  Tom Jones, 80

Deaths:
             
Christo, 84
              Wes Unseld, 74

              Jody Bibbo, 63
              Iris Bisbing, 86
              Iris Bisping, 86
              Edeltraut McFarland, 92

                         
                                        [Louisville Courier-Journal]


drunkp13.jpg
    Corona virus victim of the week
Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
A turtle hit the windshield of a car in Georgia. . . . A woman in Santa Rosa,
California, used a leaf blower to spray glitter on police at the end of a high-
speed chase. . . .
A policeman in Sarasota, Florida was suspended for kneel-
ing on a suspect's neck
. . . . A policeman was fired in Denver, Colorado, for
posting a photo on  InstantSpam  Instagram  with the caption  "Let's  start  a
riot
." . . .
Taco restaurant workers refused to serve state troopers in a George
Floyd riot in Columbus, Ohio. . . . Drive-in movies were making a comeback.

                                                                     
[courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

Dear Eleanor:

                            I am self-quarantined for the virus.   I'm  87  and  live a-
                            lone.  A friend called to ask if I needed anything.  I told
                            her I didn't have eggs  but no big deal.   She  said  she'd
                            bring me some,  and I texted her to  leave  them  on  the
                            porch.   She  answered,  "You mean you won't let me in
                            the house?"  I thought everyone knew the deal.

                            She hasn't called for three days, and I'm heartsick.

                                                                                         Shut in in Arizona
Dear Shuttuck:
                              Invite her in for bacon and eggs.  Just wear the masks.
                              You can lift or lower them every time you take a bite.


sontariu.jpg Wanted in Waco: Sontarius Derrien Williams, BM, 35, 5'5", 160 lbs, continuous violence agst. family; Ember L. Palacios, HF, 24, 4'3", 120 lbs, pro. vi. (meth); Mackenzie C. Niemeyer, WF, 23, 5'2", 100 lbs, probation viol. (meth); Krissy James, BF, 39, 5'4", 224 lbs, p.v. (food stamps); Ronnie Leslie Pankonien, WM, 41, 5'6", 150 lbs, probation viol. (heroin) (City of Waco)
sontariu.jpg Wanted in Waco: Sontarius Derrien Williams, BM, 35, 5'5", 160 lbs, continuous violence agst. family; Ember L. Palacios, HF, 24, 4'3", 120 lbs, pro. vi. (meth); Mackenzie C. Niemeyer, WF, 23, 5'2", 100 lbs, probation viol. (meth); Krissy James, BF, 39, 5'4", 224 lbs, p.v. (food stamps); Ronnie Leslie Pankonien, WM, 41, 5'6", 150 lbs, probation viol. (heroin) (City of Waco)

kadezias.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): Matthew Ralph Thornton, WM, 40, 5'10", 150 lbs, tattoos "Tribal" on rt. arm & ankle, cross on l. ankle & abdomen, Savannahv" on back, burglary,paraphernalia; Dakota Gott, WM, 26, 5'10", 240 lbs, probation viol. (narcotics); Kadezia Samone Godfrey, BF, 26, 5'9", 130 lbs, tattoos on right arm "Dibs," "Milly 2015," Thshawn," "Carebear 2016 Anoni", probation violation (opiates); Charles Joseph James Wiley, BM, 40, 6', 230 lbs, chest tatoo "Shy", promot. sale of sex rels; Colton Nicolas Forester, WM, 24, 5'10", 165 lbs, pro. viol. (marijuana)
kadezias.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): Matthew Ralph Thornton, WM, 40, 5'10", 150 lbs, tattoos "Tribal" on rt. arm & ankle, cross on l. ankle & abdomen, Savannahv" on back, burglary,paraphernalia; Dakota Gott, WM, 26, 5'10", 240 lbs, probation viol. (narcotics); Kadezia Samone Godfrey, BF, 26, 5'9", 130 lbs, tattoos on right arm "Dibs," "Milly 2015," Thshawn," "Carebear 2016 Anoni", probation violation (opiates); Charles Joseph James Wiley, BM, 40, 6', 230 lbs, chest tatoo "Shy", promot. sale of sex rels; Colton Nicolas Forester, WM, 24, 5'10", 165 lbs, pro. viol. (marijuana)
The sports:
Arrogate, 7, America's richest race horse, was euthanized.

Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "
Sonitrol of Louisville <gstott@-
        sonitrolky.com>" titled "Does your camera system work... How do you know?"
       
and six more messages from "Clutterbook" "Facebook" titled "See Stephen Yates's
        message and other notifications you've missed
."



DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend  the  Weekly  World
News  Round  Table at the offices of Borf Books outside  Browns-
ville, Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.   Guest  speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future will include Derek Chauvin.

lifehere.jpg "Are we there yet?" "Almost." Life Saver Dude: I see what you did there
lifehere.jpg "Are we there yet?" "Almost." Life Saver Dude: I see what you did there

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


Previous issue

This issue on line

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor