J. Ewing wrote Sun 2/21/21 @10:48 EST re the woman
who got bit on the butt by a bear in an Alaskan outhouse:

Does a bear shit in the woods, or do you need to be more con-
cerned about shitting on a bear when you visit the outhouse?

Leonard Simon (the "Wheat") wrote Sun 2/21/21 @10:02 CST:

Polar bears don't.  They shit on snow.

Tested positive, 664,149; died, 12,556.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]

An Indianapolis 8th grader sent to the  principal's  office  for
wearing a hat in class explained that his new  haircut  embar-
rassed him– so the principal gave him a new haircut.

                                                       [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

The state House of Representatives ruffled police feathers with
a bill abandoning requirement of handgun permits. . . .

Eleven  boats  were destroyed in a fire at a marina  on  Patoka
Lake.
                                                    [courtesy Columbus Republic]

                                                    [courtesy Columbus Republic]

marcanto.jpg Most wanted in Fort Wayne:: Marco Antonio Serrano, HM, 35, 5'8", 132 lbs, tattoo"La Familia" on chest, egalitarian ears, prob. viol. (marijuana); Ruben Magano Tamayo, HM, 58, 5'10", 175 lbs, tattoos "Michelle" on back, folding arms, right arm, scalloped ears, child molesting; Christopher Michael Phillips, 31, WM, 5'9", 215 lbs, tattoos "Vander" & angel on arm & shoulder, "Falling Angel" on neck, skull on shldr, upside down ears, child molesting, child pornography, no license; Jermont Demetrius Riley, BM, 44, 5'10", 165 lbs, tattoos on both arms, surgically sculpted ears, coke; Jalen Shyhem Drake, 24, BM, 6'2", 250 lbs, flat-ironed ears, probation viol. (marij) (themostwanted.net)

Tested positive, 407,740; died, 4,774.
                                                              [courtesy N.Y. Times]

A Scott County deputy sheriff was under fire for graphic and
sexual posts he made on Clutterbook Facebook about Kama-
la Harris and Joe Biden and others.
                                                                     [courtesy WTVQ]

A statue of the late army captain and appellate judge Thomas
Hines and sign calling him  "the most dangerous man of Con-
federacy"  were  being  moved  500  feet  back into  Fairview
Cemetery from their prominent spot on  Fairview  Avenue  in
Bowling Green. . . .

The Glasgow City Council rejected Robert's Rules of Order.

                                     [courtesy Bowling Green Daily News]

                    

dwaynewd.jpg Lexington's most wanted (Fayette County, and three other counties): Dwayne Winfield, BM, 46, 6'2", 300 lbs, parole violation (theft by deception) (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "Excuse me, miss, but you must have just exceeded the speed of   light – because when I look at you, time stops."                                                                                    – Leonard Simon

Dog of the week:  chihuahua Better known in some circles as the "yippy-crap dog,"   the chihuahua is described by the American Kennel Club as "a tiny dog with a huge personality," and/or "charming, grace- ful and sassy."  Named for the state in northern Mexico.

kenjames.jpg Kenneth Ray James Jr., WM, 37, 5'9", 200 lbs, probation violation (aggravated assault); Priscilla Renée Kane a/k/a Dehoff, WF, 29, 5'2", 160 lbs, tattoos on wrists, neck & chest, probation violation (burglary, theft & battery); Ronald Martinez Leon Jr. a/k/a "Cornflake," 44, 6'0", 180 lbs, tattoos on rt leg, abdomen & chest, prob. viol. (failure to reg.); George Gilbert Thompson II, a/k/a Daniel Letterman, 44, 6', 240 lbs, tattoos left hand, right arm, left shoulder, chest , armed & dangerous, criminal threat (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

The Iowa legislature passed, 91-3,  a bill to require schools to recite the
Pledge  of Allegiance  every  day  (students in relation to Colin Kaeper-
nick and with other contrary religious beliefs could opt out). . . . Storm-
y Daniels lost her case against Donald Crump in the Supreme Court. . . .
A man leaving coronavirus quarantine at a Thai hotel posted photos on
Clutterbook Facebook of  cockroach  legs  in  his  macaroni. . . . Plastic
surgeons in San Francisco, California, noticed a trend of women down-
sizing their breasts. . . . The chief of the Cherokees called on Jeep to a-
bandon the use of their name. .  .  .  President Biden ordered the flag to
be flown at half-staff for Covid-19 victims,  and Florida Governor Ron
DeSantis ordered it for Rush Limbaugh. . . .  Japan appointed a "loneli-
ness minister" to battle a rising suicide rate. . . . Meghan McCain made
a new bid for dumb blonde of the week. . . .  A Turkish mother rescued
her four children from an apartment house fire by  throwing  them,  one
after another,  from a third-story window.

                                                               [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

damiendu.jpg Locked up in San Angelo by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff: Damien Duron, 21, parole viol.; Petra Mireless, 21, parapher.; Terry Burt, 31, DUJ; Ashley Dennis, 28, no ins.; Brittany Mesta, 29, paraph.; Crystal Kay, 38, assault; Rosie Hedrick, 27, ctrl. subs.; Joseph Camarillo, 45, fam. viol.

The East Tennessee State University basketball team
took to their knees for the National Anthem . . .  The
U.S. women's national soccer team resolved  to  stop
kneeling.

                             

lifemurd.jpg sheep Life Saver Dude How sheep get away with murder

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 2/14/21 @17:45 PST:

Given the sordid history of royalty in England, the National
Enquirer headline listing complaints  about  Prince  Charles
sounds more like requirements for the job.

Tested positive, 657,848; died, 12,336.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]

A woman stopping to pick up a passenger mistakenly stepped
on the accelerator instead of the brake pedal, striking and kill-
ing the 44-year-old woman on the roadside. . . .

About a hundred animals died in a pet store fire in Indianapolis. . . .

Two tigers at the Fort Wayne zoo tested positive. . . .

White  Republican  legislators  booed and shouted down  two
black Democratic legislators arguing against a school bill they
believed to be racially discriminatory  in  the  state's House of
Representatives. . . .

The Gary city council renamed Columbus Day for the late ex-
mayor Richard Hatcher, elected in 1967 as the first black may-
or of a major U.S. city.
                                                    [courtesy Columbus Republic]

glennfre.jpg Wanted in Kokomo: Leonard Lamar Mixson Jr., failure to return; Kellie Marie Crouch, cocaine; Steve Kyle Noble, failure to register as sex offender; Keli Marie Couch, coke; Eli Glenn Freeman, domestic battery (Spotcrime)

Tested positive, 400,011; died, 4,585.
                                                                     [courtesy N.Y. Times]

           

lynemdar.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Darica Lynam, BF, 42, 5'3", 125 lbs, automobile theft (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

An ice sheet that blew off the roof of a moving car in Campbells-
ville  flew into the windshield of another car on the road,  raining
ice  and glass on the couple inside.
                                                                             [courtesy LEX18]

High Monday through Wednesday, 17°;  low,  7°.  No mail at the
Post Office (Monday was a holiday – "Persidents' Day"), but that
was no excuse for the day following).   And, no milk at the super-
market  (guess the cows froze).

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "Life is too short for drinking canned beer."                                                                           – Leonard Simon

Dog of the week:  cairn terrier This  is  Baxter,  of  Elgin,  Illinois.  He's  15,  a mix of cairn terrier  and bichon frisé  (later).   A "cairn" (not CAPS) is a pile of  stones.    The A- merican Kennel Club describes the breed as  "a- lert, cheerful and busy"  and ranks it 69th of 197 in pupularity.

Tabloid deadlines:                                 Rush Limbaugh, 70                                 Kyndell Joan Carly Sue Bailey, 15                                 Gale "Chubby" Wells, 65                                 Robert Murray "Bobby" Strehl Jr., 75

Senator Lindsey Graham threatened impeachment of Kamala Harris. . . .
A Tennessee legislator introduced a bill to allow an imminent father to en-
join his pregnant paramour to have an abortion. . . . A survey of graves at
the nation’s oldest pet cemetery found that Princess was the most popular
pet name of the last century . . . An  8-year-old border collie dog in Nash-
ville, Tennessee, received $5 million by her owner's will. . . . The U.S.am-
bassador to Vietnam recorded a Tet rap video  calling  himself  "boy from
Hanoi." . . .  Paris  Hilton  got  engaged. . . . Thousands of cold sea turtles
were rescued from Texas coastal waters near Brownsville. . . . An Alaska
woman using a backcountry outhouse got bit on the butt by a bear.

                                                                   [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

xhavierm.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Carson Allison, 21, DUI; Tabatha Bienemann, 40, theft; Richard Grube, 19, racing; Emma Delarosa, 20, marijuana; Xhavier Martinez, 18, marijuana; Casey Reel, 23, ctl. subs.; John Rodgers, 50, drunk; Chrstine Vandiver, 31, DUI

allyssame.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Daniel Perry Welch, 29, WM, 25, 5'9", 140 lbs, failure to register; Alyssa Mercedes Flores,HF, 49, 5'9", 220 lbs (Yorkshire hog), aggravated robbery; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls,Texas): Tamara Sue Porter, WF, 65, 5'2", 140 lbs, opiates; Champaigne Laray Lewis, BF, 26, 5'1", 230 lbs (Yorkshire hog), aggravated battery; Edward Jay Kennedy, BM, 20, 6'1", 180 lbs, probation violation (aggr battery) (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kas.) Sheriff)

The Lieutenant Governor of Texas introduced a bill
to require the playing of the National Anthem at all
sporting events receiving public funding (see previ-
ous Dallas Mavericks news). . . . Green Bay Packer
quarterback Aaron Rodgers is on the list of upcom-
ing guest hosts of the TV quiz show  Jeopardy (Drs.
Sanjay Gupta and Mehmet Oz are others).

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu- al dissection of important current events are invi- ted to attend the  Weekly World News Round Ta- ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns- ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every  Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the  near future include speech therapist Sabri Ben-Achour.

lifesipi.jpg What do you call a hippie's wife? Mississippi Life Saver Dude: Uh . . . er . . . OK .. .

Renée Black wrote Sun 2/7/21 @09:51 EST:

I am looking forward to attending your discussion
group.  I am sure I can come up with an interesting
topic.  Here are a few ideas:  Which was more pow-
erful, the Byzantine or Ottoman Empire?    Will the
Instant Pot replace the Slow Cooker? What the heck
does a speech therapist do?

Steve Yates wrote Tues 2/9/21 @14.33 CST:

Re the National Football League and the Super Bowl,
they disapprove of "kneeling,"  but it's  OK  to bastar-
dize the National Anthem?

"Bastardize"?  Funny way to spell  "Niggerize"  –  and,  see
the sports.   – Editor

julblack.jpg South Bend, Ind.'s, most wanted: Julia Moore, BF, 5'4", 240 lbs (Yorkshire hog), fraud, theft, burglary, arson; Lexington, Ky.'s: Zachery T. Black, WM, 32, 5'10", 175 lbs, theft (Michiana, Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

Tested positive, 650,842; died, 12,149.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]

A herd of about 75 Holtstein calves marched down an Allen
County highway after fleeing the farm. . . .

Recent  executions  at the federal prison in Terre Haute were
found to be a coronavirus superspreader.

                                                  [courtesy Columbus Republic]

The Humane Society for the United  States condemned a two-
day contest in Warren County in which 60 coyotes were killed
for prizes.
                                                      [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

Six Tippecanoe County breweries and restaurants  have inau-
gurated a "Tap & Go" beer-tasting fun walk around Lafayette
to benefit the Tippecanoe Arts Federation.

                                     [courtesy Lafayette Journal & Courier]

Tested positive, 391,449; died, 4,441.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]

 
    Patricia Witcher, 45 (left), and Ashli Michelle Landrum, 41
    (right). were arrested in Frankfort with 22 grams of crystal
    meth, 9 grams of heroin and 60 Xanax pills in their car.

                                                           [courtesy State Journal]

  

fulkerma.jpg Austin James Fulkerson, 18, theft; Laraze Marquel Williams,20, fail. to app.; Jaylin Marquise Conner, 26, burglary (Nelson County Sherff)

Dog of the week:  Labrador retriever "Labrador"  is  capitalized  because  it refers  to  a  Canadian  peninsula.   We have here a "chocolate" and a "yellow" lab.  They like to swim;  they are not a- fraid of guns,  and they keep their testi- cles clean.

salacass.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Adrian David Salazaar, HM, 33, 5'9", 250 lbs, child sexual assault; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Cassandra Denise Carter, BF, 41, 5'8", 210 lbs (Yorkshire hog), probation violation (criminal threat); Aundras Wilson Murrell, BM, 30, 6'1", 215 lbs, probation violation (poss. of firearm); Nicole Paige Warkins WF, 27, 5'3", 105 lbs, probation violation (assault) (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County Sheriff)

The chair of New Hampshire’s House Commerce and Consumer Affairs
Committee requested that Representative Anita Burroughs keep  her  pet
cats out of the room  during  Zoom meetings  (and a  lawyer  in  a  Zoom
court hearing had to tell the judge he was "not a cat"). . . . A 116-year-old
Frenchman survived COVID-19.  .  .  . Aunt Jemima changed her name to
Pearl Milling (and Ben took the "Uncle" out of his rice name). . . .  A Ma-
ricopa, Arizona, policeman got a 20-hour suspension for leaving  his  dog
to die in his hot car while he attended a meeting. . . . A British judge gave
Duchess Meghan a judgment against the tabloid Mail for invading her pri-
vacy in publishing a letter she wrote to her father. . . . A hearse with a bo-
dy inside was stolen from a convenience store in St. Louis,  Missouri,  af-
ter the driver went inside and left it running.

                                                                   [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

chynnaky.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas,Sheriff): Chynna Kynermon, 28, DUI; Erik Echevarria, 25, DUI; Macy Watson, 28, eluding; Jacob Spradley, 30, DUI; Brittany Odell, 28, racing; Justin Whitten, 23, paraphernalia; Samantha Rios, 25, marij.; Aaron Linton-Hays, 29, mj; Anissa Vasquez, 22, pub. intox.

The pregame National Anthem was  canceled  at
the National Baskeball Association's Dallas Mav-
ericks home games by team owner  Mark  Cuban
– and then resumed with a recorded rendition.

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of important current events are  invited to attend the  Weekly World News Round Table at the  offices  of  Borf  Books  outside  Brownsville, Kentucky,  just after church every  Sunday.  Guest speakers lined up for meetings in  the  near  future include Marjorie Taylor Greene.

lifehead.jpg Walking back to the car because you forgot your mask is the new kinda pissed off Life Saver Dude: I keep mine on the top o'my head

LETTERS to the EDITOR: Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 1/31/21 @18:20 PST: Chandler Palmers?  You forgot King Charles Spaniels. That's "spaniels" – lower case.    – Editor

Tested positive, 641,133; died, 11,752.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]

The state Senate voted 36-11 for the bill to prohibit Indianapo-
lis' and 100 other cities' changing their names. . . .

Workers at a snack bakery in Plainfield drove a masked robber
away by throwing food at him  (he escaped with the tip jar but
was arrested later).
                                                    [courtesy Columbus Republic]

aliyyahm.jpg Aliyyah Mariyam Abdullah, 24, conversion; Clarence David Adams, 48,DUI; Ashley Michelle Adamonis, 30, failure to pay; Christopher Silas Acres, 31, false informing; Anna Maria Agilar, 38, prostitution (hubba fucking hubba) (SpotCrime)

Tested positive, 380,166; died, 4,202.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]

For $10 donations. the Lexington Humane Society was writing
exes' names on its cat litter boxes.
                                                                       [courtesy LEX18]

aprilmit.jpg Covington's most wanted: Anthony L. Morton, 46, felonious assault; Alicia Hearn, 43, aggr. drug poss.; Andrew Powell, 35, sex offender; April Mitchell, 48, bribery; Anthony Brown, 47, dom. viol, traffic (SpotCrime)

"My dog bites my butt a lot lately."                                                               – Lulu Garcia-Navarro "I am a child."                              – 9-year-old black girl arrested, handcuffed and                                  pepper-sprayed in Rochester, N.Y., in reply to                                  police remark "You'rre acting like a child" "If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian   consume?"                        – Richard Lederer – Cuntycuntycuntcunt

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "I now understand why I had such a hard time getting a date –   women just didn't trust themselves around me."                                                                                – Leonard Simon

Dog of the week:  beagle hound  Beagles are said to be among the friendliest  of  dogs  (except with rabbits).  Besides hunting they're used as detection dogs for prohib- ited agricultural and food imports. Merriam-Webster lists the etymo- logical root of "beagle" as "unknown,"

but Collins Dictionary says it may be the middle French "bée guele," "wide throat."

baldridg.jpg Wanted in Greenville,Ohio: Russell E. Baker Jr., 41, 6'4", 215 lbs, tattoos (other than bird on neck) swastika & Kendra (chest), "Hate" (l. fingers), "Love" (r. fingers), skulls, fire & spider web (both arms), "Alex," women's faces, rose, Ford emblem & cartoon character (l. arm & hand), prison walls & tower with angel wings & skull, "Time served, year's lost (r. hip), probation violation (domestic violence); Jacob C. Marando, 24, 5'9", 153 lbs, "JCM" tattoo, prob. viol. (vandalism); Wayne Richardson, 32, 6'2", 250 lbs, tattoos tree, "Tribal" (r. arm), "Love Family Joy" (l. arm), pro. violation (burglary); Mark Anthony Wood, 35, 5'5", 166 lbs, tattoos "Grimey Ass Ohio Boy" w/crown & bee, "Malarie" & tree (back), "Talia," skull (r. arm), "AshTDan," clown (l. arm), probation violation (domestic violence); Bruce D. Baldridge, 39, 6'2", 240 lbs, upside down ears, tattoos flaming yang yin, skulls, 2 naked women w/wings, solar system, moon (r. arm), Grim Reaper: "Death is certain, life is not," cross w/skull (l. arm), probation violation (domestic violence); Christopher J. Clear, 34, 5'2", 120 lbs, tattoos "J," "C," "Loyalty," "Faith," & cross, probation violation (fail. to report) (Darke County Crime Stoppers)

dillandy.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls,Texas): Thomas Charles Theis, BM, 40, probation viol. (opiates); Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Dillan Lee McGough, WM, 20, 6'2", 225 lbs, robbery; Wononita Gordon, BF, 41, 5'3", 160 lbs, injury to child; Dylan Ray Claxton, BM, 24, 5'7", 170 lbs, indecency with child (Sedgwick County (Kans.) Sheriff, Abilene Crime Stoppers)

Prince Harry accepted a settlement and an apology from the British tab-
loid Mail, which he had sued for libel. .  .  . An estimated 52 per cent of
weddings scheduled last March through August were  rescheduled,  and
an estimated 7 per cent were canceled. . . .  Italy's government collapsed
for the 65th time in seven decades. . . . Ex-Vice President Michael Pence
and  wife  were "couch surfing" in Indiana after losing their official resi-
dence in Wasington,  D.C. .  .  .  The Evermore theme park in Utah sued
Taylor Swift for trademark infringement with her new album Evermore.

                                                                [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu- al dissection of important current events are invi- ted to attend the Weekly World News Round Ta- ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns- ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every  Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the  near  future include speech therapist Renée Black.

lifebows.jpg Bowling Green, Kentucky, photo by Etta Jean Darrig; Nashville, Tennessee,photo by Stephen Yates; Life Saver Dude: Talk about yer pots o' gold!