July 25, 2021:   Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids  while waiting for your wife  at the coun-
ter in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:


hed21074.jpg Princess Diana's last hours alive, crash site doctor and fireman speak out for first time (Examiner); Meghan's secret plastic surgery, obsession with looking younger than Kate (Star); Britney begs 'Let me have a baby' (US); Dr. Ruth: How to meet your soul mate (Examiner)
hed21074.jpg Princess Diana's last hours alive, crash site doctor and fireman speak out for first time (Examiner); Meghan's secret plastic surgery, obsession with looking younger than Kate (Star); Britney begs 'Let me have a baby' (US); Dr. Ruth: How to meet your soul mate (Examiner)

LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Gary  Logsdon,   a veteran "code breaker" for the U.S. Army in Germany,
wrote  Weds  7/21/21 @13:27 CDT  re  a  New  Yorker  crossword puzzle
clue "n
ame that's 'REALIGNED' realigned" with answer "GERALDINE":
That one is hard to get to!  The New Yorker is getting out to the "fringes."
On my best day as a "code breaker," I would have had difficulty with that
one, even in Russian or German!
Editor's note:  The same day, the Los Angeles Times crossword puzzle had a
clue "language in which 'w' and 'y' are vowels," and the answer was "Welsh."

Dumb news from Indiana
:
Tested positive, 767,812; died, 13,965.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]

michealh.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Derrick Lane, BM, 5'7", 160 lbs, auto theft; Micheal Hubbard, BM, 6', 230 lbs, fraud (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.)
michealh.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Derrick Lane, BM, 5'7", 160 lbs, auto theft; Micheal Hubbard, BM, 6', 230 lbs, fraud (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.)

The Monroe County Prosecutor dropped his case against  a  wo-
man charged with hit-and-run crash after learning she died.

                                                       [courtesy Columbus Republic]

Dumb news from Kentucky:
Tested positive, 475,351; died, 7,355 .
                                                                  [courtesy N.Y. Times]

Senator  Rand  Paul  suggested  that the Department of Justice
should consider a "criminal referral" against Dr. Anthony Fau-
ci (see also).
 
                                       [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]
         couseyjf.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Jeffrey A. Cousey, BM, 36, 5'10", 180 lbs, DUI, evading arrest; Torrey Lamont Higgins, BM, 21, 5'04", 145 lbs, stalking, EPO violation (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)
couseyjf.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Jeffrey A. Cousey, BM, 36, 5'10", 180 lbs, DUI, evading arrest; Torrey Lamont Higgins, BM, 21, 5'04", 145 lbs, stalking, EPO violation (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

Quotations of the week
:

                                         "We just call it the 'variant'."
                                                                                            – Ed Bastian, CEO of Delta Air Lines
        "I believe in the science of vaccination."
                                                                            Sean Hannity, Fox News

        "
Amazon workers don’t need Jeff Bezos to thank them. They need him to stop union busting
          – and pay them what they deserve."
                                                                       – former Labor Secretary Robert Reich

Quotation of the weak:
                                        " . . . rep-U-ta-ble . . . ."

                                                                                  Noel King, National Public Radio

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):

"Excuse me, miss, but, how much for the little girl?"                    

                                                                       – Leonard Simon


Dog of the weekBasenji
They don't bark; they yodel.
He's a small hound.
basendog.jpg
Birthdays:
                    July 19:  Bernie Leadon, 74
                                   Ilie Nastase, 75
                                   Florencia Vicenta de Casillas Martinez "Vikki Carr" Cardona, 80

                    July 20:  Sandra Oh, 50
                                  Carlos Santana, 74

                                  Kim Carnes, 76
                                  Tony Oliva, 83
                                  Elliot Richardson, 101
                                  Natalie "Wood" Zacharenko (1938-1981)
                                  Alexander the Great (356-323 BC)
                    July 21:  Brandi Chastain, 53

                                  Steven Demetre Georgiu "Cat Stevens" Yusaf Islam, 73
                                  Kenneth Starr, 75
                                  Janet Reno (1938-2016)
                    July 22:  Prince George, 8
                                  Selena Gomez, 29
                                  Sparky Lyle, 77
                                  Tom Robbins, 63
                                  Robert Dole, 98

                                  Alex Trebek (1940-2020)
                                  Sonny Liston (1932-1970)
                    July 23:  Monica Lewinsky, 48
                                  Alison Krauss, 50
                                  Woody Harrelson, 60
                                  Anthony Kennedy, 85
                    July 24:  Nate Bump, 45
                                  J-Lo, 52
                                  Kristin Chenoweth, 53
                                  Lynda Carter, 70
                                  Pat Oliphant, 86
                                  Peter Serkin (1947-2020)
                                  Bella Abzug (1920-1998)
                    July 25:  Louise Brown, 43
                                  Walter Payton (1954-1999)
                                  Steve Goodman (1948-1984)
                                  Emmett Till (1941-1955)
Tabloid deadlines:
                                Cassie Lynn "Bird Legs" Head, 37
                                                                                             [Louisville Courier-Journal]

corrales.jpg Wichita Falls' Criminal Cathedral Choir: Joseph El-Hage, WM, 34, 5'11", 188 lbs, family assault of pregnant person (tenor); Viictoria Corrales, HF, 30, 5'4", 156 lbs, probation violation (control. subst.) (soprano); Jeremy Roe, WM, 28, 5'11", 222 lbs, prob. viol. (robbery) (baaritone); Noemy Jarlamillo, HF, 43, 5'3", 146 lbs, prob. violation (fraud) (alto); Hayden O'Malley, HM, 35, 5'7", 172 lbs, prob. viol. (intox. vehicle assault) (tenor)
corrales.jpg Wichita Falls' Criminal Cathedral Choir: Joseph El-Hage, WM, 34, 5'11", 188 lbs, family assault of pregnant person (tenor); Viictoria Corrales, HF, 30, 5'4", 156 lbs, probation violation (control. subst.) (soprano); Jeremy Roe, WM, 28, 5'11", 222 lbs, prob. viol. (robbery) (baaritone); Noemy Jarlamillo, HF, 43, 5'3", 146 lbs, prob. violation (fraud) (alto); Hayden O'Malley, HM, 35, 5'7", 172 lbs, prob. viol. (intox. vehicle assault) (tenor)
 jonriley.jpg Jonathan Riley, WM, 24, 6'6", 170 lbs, prob. viol. (theft) (bass); Amanda Douglas, WF, 27, 5'2", 117 lbs, aggravated robbery (also); James Ivory, BM, 24,  6'1", 179 lbs, prob. viol.(family assault) (bass); Bianca Caretachea, HF, 30, 4'8", 90 lbs, prob.viol. (child abandon.); Christopher James Brett Clover, WM, 38, 5'7", 280 lbs, fail. to reg. (tenor)
jonriley.jpg Jonathan Riley, WM, 24, 6'6", 170 lbs, prob. viol. (theft) (bass); Amanda Douglas, WF, 27, 5'2", 117 lbs, aggravated robbery (also); James Ivory, BM, 24,  6'1", 179 lbs, prob. viol.(family assault) (bass); Bianca Caretachea, HF, 30, 4'8", 90 lbs, prob.viol. (child abandon.); Christopher James Brett Clover, WM, 38, 5'7", 280 lbs, fail. to reg. (tenor)
Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
Georgia Congresswoman  Marjorie  Taylor  Greene  was suspended from
Twitter for 12 hours for
coronavirus misinformation. .  .  . Zsa Zsa Gabor
was buried. . . . P
olice in Delhi India, used water cannons to disperse hun-
dreds of people protesting the government’s management of a water shor-
tage.
. . . Oregon ordered farmers to give workers 10 minutes in the shade
every two hours
after a 38-year-old man died in s heat wave. . . . The Ford
Motor Company
Ford unveiled a fragrance smelling of petroleum in an ef-
fort to sell electric cars. . . .
The weather app of some iPhones will not dis-
play a temperature of  69  degrees,  rendering it as either 68 or 70 degrees.
.  .  .  
President Jair Bolsonaro of Brazil  was hospitalized with 10 days of
hiccups.  .  .  . The revolver with which Pat Garrett shot  Billy  the  Kid  to
death will be sold at a Wild West auction in Los Angeles,  California,  Au-
gust 27 and is expected to bring $2 or $3 million. . . . A bride dislocated a
knee
in her fist dance at her wedding.
                                                                    [courtesy Harper's,
LEX18, AP]

zachgoff.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Zachary Goff, WM, 18, 5'10", 155 lbs, aggravated robbery; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Ashley Thomas, BF, 30, 5'7", 115 lbs, prob. viol. (burglary); Jessie Carson, WM, 29, 6', 200 lbs, dom. bat.; Harvey Lee Dear III, BM, 34, 5'11", 210 lbs, probation violation (endangered child); Anthony Troydale Carter Jr., BM, 19, 6'1", 150 lbs, tattoos "REALIZE EVERYONE AIN'T LOYAL" on left arm, Chinese symbols on right arm, felon with firearm, marijuana (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff)
zachgoff.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Zachary Goff, WM, 18, 5'10", 155 lbs, aggravated robbery; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Ashley Thomas, BF, 30, 5'7", 115 lbs, prob. viol. (burglary); Jessie Carson, WM, 29, 6', 200 lbs, dom. bat.; Harvey Lee Dear III, BM, 34, 5'11", 210 lbs, probation violation (endangered child); Anthony Troydale Carter Jr., BM, 19, 6'1", 150 lbs, tattoos "REALIZE EVERYONE AIN'T LOYAL" on left arm, Chinese symbols on right arm, felon with firearm, marijuana (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff)
Dear Eleanor:
                            I'm a petite 53-year-old woman; I work out
                            four or five times a week,   and I'm in good
                            shape. 
I do my own manual labor jobs rath-
                            er than hire someon;  I regard it as an oppor-
                            tunity for an extra workout.  Someday I may
                            have to take the easier path, but not yet.

                           
When people see me do things they consider
                            hard work, they think I need help.  For exam-
                            le,   today I bought 30 cement blocks to build
                            a wall.  Several men asked if I needed help.  I
                            declined, politely, as I always do,  saying they
                            were  thoughtful  but I didn’t need help.  They
                            replied, "No problem."

                           
A short time later it  began  to  rain. A woman
                            walked by with an  umbrella  and offered help,
                            and I responded just as politely.She put her um-
                            brella  down  and  began  lifting blocks into my
                            car anyway!  I said, "No need! You were sweet
                            to offer,  but I’m getting my morning workout."
                            She snapped, "Sorry to impose!  I was trying to
                            help," and stalked off.

                            This  happens  often.     I feel bad after these en-
                            counters.  I am perceived as ungrateful,  but if I
                            need help, I'll ask for it.  How can I convey this
                            more effectively, or must I just accept the help?

                                                                        Trying Hard in Ohio
Dear Garfield Heights Granny:

                            Accept the offers of assistance.  You
just might
                            make a new friend.fs

The sports:
                    The women's beach handball players of Norway were fined for wearing shorts instead
                    of bikini bottoms in the Euro championships.
beacball.pg

Unopened e-mail last week included a message  from  "Clutterbook"  "Facebook"
        titled "Hank, you have 99 new notifications" and two messages titled "Hank,
        you have 96 new notifications."

fredgren.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Fredrick Green, 60, fam. assault; Angie Abalos, 54, marijuana; Ariel Hamilton, 43, DUI; Destiny Rodela, 18, mj; Ranci Boone, 44, family assault; Becky Nowell, 36, mobery; Samantha Chacon, 24, mj, paraphern.; Ivan Parra, 23, DUI

fredgren.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Fredrick Green, 60, fam. assault; Angie Abalos, 54, marijuana; Ariel Hamilton, 43, DUI; Destiny Rodela, 18, mj; Ranci Boone, 44, family assault; Becky Nowell, 36, mobery; Samantha Chacon, 24, mj, paraphern.; Ivan Parra, 23, DUI
 
DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't  forget!    Readers interested in intellectual dissection of im-
portant current events are invited to  attend   the  Weekly  World  News
Round  Table  at the offices of Borf Books   outside  Brownsville,  Ken-
tucky, just after church every Sunday.  Guest speakers lined up for mee-
tings in the near future include Giannis Antetokounmpo
.

lifepoot.jpg 'Accidental discharge' during a traffic top with a white person, license & registration, poot Life Saver Dude: "not quite the same thing"
lifepoot.jpg 'Accidental discharge' during a traffic top with a white person, license & registration, poot Life Saver Dude: "not quite the same thing"

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But  remember  also,  you  have  to  spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks,  and  without  that
redundant  "Re: "  that  appears in so many subject lines  or  you'll  keep
getting  this  shit!  ("Cut and paste"  won't  work,  either.  We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – Karen Crockett

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Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



July 18, 2021:   Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids  while waiting for your wife  at the coun-
ter in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:

hed21073.jpg New move 56 years after Rawhide, Clint Eastwood, 9a, Hollywood's last legent, secret fountain of youth, regular guy worth $375 million, how family keeps him strong (Examiner); Temper tantrums, drugs, fistfights, Movie stars who got fired, Richard Gere, Julianne Moore, Megan Fox, Robert Downey Jr. (Examiner); Britney finally talks, 'My 13 years of Hell', - and last chance at freedom, forced birth control, violent attack, missing $100 million (In Touch) hed210732.jpg Exposed 12 years after tragedy, Michael Jackson KILLED HIMSELF (Globe); What he's hiding, Prince Charles questined over Diana's death, cops find her secret letter, Scotland Yard 4-hr. investigation, hires team of four lawyers (Star)
hed21073.jpg New move 56 years after Rawhide, Clint Eastwood, 9a, Hollywood's last legent, secret fountain of youth, regular guy worth $375 million, how family keeps him strong (Examiner); Temper tantrums, drugs, fistfights, Movie stars who got fired, Richard Gere, Julianne Moore, Megan Fox, Robert Downey Jr. (Examiner); Britney finally talks, 'My 13 years of Hell', - and last chance at freedom, forced birth control, violent attack, missing $100 million (In Touch)

                                        [courtesy in Touch Weekly]

hed210732.jpg Exposed 12 years after tragedy, Michael Jackson KILLED HIMSELF (Globe); What he's hiding, Prince Charles questined over Diana's death, cops find her secret letter, Scotland Yard 4-hr. investigation, hires team of four lawyers (Star)
LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Leonard Simon (a/k/a "The Wheat") wrote Sun 7/11/21 @19:25 CDT:
The Dog of Sunfish wormed last week was Willisnot  "Willlard."
He's my dog.  He's doing fine.
Fred Dean wrote Sun 7/11/21 @11:11 PDT:
If she loses her fat, will she lose also her beauty?
Dumb news from Indiana:
Tested positive, 763,522; died, 13,940.
                                                                    [courtesy N.Y. Times]
carriejn.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Robert Dillard, BM, 6'1", 165 lbs, failure to register as sex offender; Elizabeth Morse, BF, 5'1", 270 lbs (Yorkshire hog), assalt on police officer,leaving scene, DUI, neglect; Carrie Jensen, WF, 5'1", 150 lbs, common nuisance; Michael Moore, BM, 5'10", 150 lbs, handgun w/o license (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.)
carriejn.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Robert Dillard, BM, 6'1", 165 lbs, failure to register as sex offender; Elizabeth Morse, BF, 5'1", 270 lbs (Yorkshire hog), assalt on police officer,leaving scene, DUI, neglect; Carrie Jensen, WF, 5'1", 150 lbs, common nuisance; Michael Moore, BM, 5'10", 150 lbs, handgun w/o license (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.)

A Hoosier tricked Alabama police into giving him enough mon-
ey to get back home in Indiana.
                                                       [courtesy Columbus Republic]
Dumb news from Kentucky:
Tested positive, 470,538; died, 7,328.
                                                                      [courtesy N.Y. Times]

rerefuse.jpg



The City of
Brownsville
refused the
Edmonson
County At-
torney's ref-
fuse.

[photo and
   report by
  our roving

     reporter]
    jpg Lexington's most wanted, Brandon Dockery, BM, 6', 150 lbs, murder (armed & dangerous) (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)
jpg Lexington's most wanted, Brandon Dockery, BM, 6', 150 lbs, murder (armed & dangerous) (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

Birthdays:
                  July 12:  Malala Yousafzai, 24
                               
Milton Teagle "Richard" Simmons, 73
                                Christine McVie, 78
                                Bill Cosby, 84
                                Van Cliburn (1934-2013)
                   July 13:  Rhonda Vincent, 59
                                 Cheech Marin, 75
                                
Ernő Rubik, 77
                                 Julius Caesar (100-44 B.C.)
                    July 14:  Jerry Rubin (1938-1994)
                                 
Franklin Delano "Del" Reeves (1932-2007)
                                  Woodrow Wilson "Woody" Guthrie (1912-1967)
                    July 15:  Arianna Huffington, 71

                                  Linda Ronstadt, 75
                                  Vladimir the Bold (1353-1410)
                    July 16:  Pinchas Zukerman, 73
                                  Jimmy Johnson, 78
                                  Margaret Smith Court, 79
                    July 17:  Angela Merkel, 67
                                  Camilla Parker Bowles, Duchess of Cornwall, 74
                                  Gale Garnett, 79
                                  Ali Khamenei, 82
                                  Phoebe Snow (1950-2011)
                    July 18:  Martha Reeves, 80
                                  Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005)
                                  John Glenn (1921-2016)
                                  Nelson Mandela (1918-2013)
 Tabloid deadlines
:
                                Edwin Edwards, 93


Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):

"Circa 1987 I went to treatment with a young college student from Western

  Kentucky University one hour a day.  He would  do a psychology class for

  two or three days.   All he talked about, he was going through withdrawals

  from Coca-Cola when they asked him if he'd ever accepted . . . . "


– Leonard  Simon  (he didn't finish)




Dog of the weekShar-Peis
A Chinese breed related to the chow
chows by ancestry.   Not to be confu-
sed with "sharpies." Guard dogs, his-
torically.   Affectionate with humans
and other animals.
sharpeis.jpg

barryewa.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Barrye Walker Lightner Jr., WM, 49, 6'9", 170 lbs, pro. viol. (assault); Michael L. Tejeda, HM, 39, 5'11", 130 lbs, aggravated burglary & battery; Ivan Eduardo Aldaba, WM, 5'6", 186 lbs, aggravated assault; James Robert Kessinger, WM, 29, 5'9", 175 lbs, aggrav. assault; Otoneil Willalobos, HM, 57, 5'7", 160 lbs, probation viol. (marij. distrib.) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)
barryewa.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Barrye Walker Lightner Jr., WM, 49, 6'9", 170 lbs, pro. viol. (assault); Michael L. Tejeda, HM, 39, 5'11", 130 lbs, aggravated burglary & battery; Ivan Eduardo Aldaba, WM, 5'6", 186 lbs, aggravated assault; James Robert Kessinger, WM, 29, 5'9", 175 lbs, aggrav. assault; Otoneil Willalobos, HM, 57, 5'7", 160 lbs, probation viol. (marij. distrib.) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)
Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
The Swiss voted, by a margin of 51.2 per cent to 48.8, to prohibit women's
wearing niqabs and burkas.
. . . T
he Entomological Society of America an-
nounced plans to rename  the  gypsy   moth  to eliminate an ethnic slur. . . .
Fifteen tons of dead fish washed ashore in Tampa Bay, Florida. .  .  . A Sa-
haran dust plume
blew into Texas.  .  .  .  The Ukraine defense ministry re-
quired female soldiers to march in high heels. . . . A Japanese woman shot
the Olympic torch with a water pistol. . . .  Term-limited Philippines Presi-
dent Rodrigo Duterte said he might run for vice president.  .  .  .  Goldfish
the  size  of  footballs  were discovered in Minnesota rivers and lakes. . . .
A naked woman got stuck in a 10-inch space between two business build-
naomiosa.jpg
  ings in Santa Ana, Cali-
  fornia.  . . .  The Naomi
  Osaka Barbie doll  sold
  out 
only  hours  after it
  went up on line (there's
  the real deal on the right).
 
[courtesy Harper's,  
 LEX18, AP
naomioka.jpg

DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't  forget!    Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to   attend   the  Weekly  World
News  Round  Table  at the offices of Borf Books  outside  Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.    Guest   speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include the Northwestern U-
niversity Cello Ensemble
.


Dear Eleanor:  My daughter

    crowdedc.jpg
is married, and also has a boy friend.  Both
men live with her and share her bed.    Her
children are horrified and ashamed,  as  am
I.   Her older children are of age but still in
school,  and want to move out  but can't af-
ford to;  the youngest is a minor and afraid
of  the boy friend.  The  husband  does  not
object.     Is there anything I can do to help
the kids?
                                                          Concerning the Crowded in Colorado
Dear Crowdie:
                              How do we classify the two males in the bed?   L, G, B,
                              T or Q?   And,  for that matter,  your  daughter?   Here's
                              the solution:  You be the CGTR ("concerned grandmoth-
                              er to the rescue").  Take  all  the  kids  in  and  disinherit
                              your daughter.

kaylawat.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Conrad Del Rio, 40, assault; Tamara Wachter, 37, DUI; Kayla Watson, 33, trespass (she's changed); Hayley Green, 29, assault; Maria Reyes, 26, publ. intox.; Dominie Stone, 47, controlled substances; Thomas Greer, 57, drug paraphernalia
kaylawat.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Conrad Del Rio, 40, assault; Tamara Wachter, 37, DUI; Kayla Watson, 33, trespass (she's changed); Hayley Green, 29, assault; Maria Reyes, 26, publ. intox.; Dominie Stone, 47, controlled substances; Thomas Greer, 57, drug paraphernalia
HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

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      But  remember  also,  you  have  to  spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without that
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cial filter to detect that.)


lifelamb.jpg Stalking, the judge said; everywhere that Mary went,I was sure to go Life Saver Dude: Mary had a little snit
lifelamb.jpg Stalking, the judge said; everywhere that Mary went,I was sure to go Life Saver Dude: Mary had a little snit

Unopened e-mail last week included from "Clutterbook" "Facebook"  messages
   
titled "Hank, you have 98 new notifications"
and
three messages titled "Hank,
    you have 99 new notifications."
                                                                


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


Previous issue

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Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



July 11, 2021:   Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids  while waiting for your wife  at the coun-
ter in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:


hed21072.jpg Livid Queen shames Harry & Meghan, 'Stop your lies!' (Enquirer); Mike Packard, 56, miracle man, I was swallowed by a whle & lived! Real-life Jonah's own story (Enquirer); Laci's family's shocking decision, Scott Peterson execution stopped (IT); Not Pat Sajak, Vanna White marrying at age 64! (Globe); Local student awarded scolarship (Edmonson (County,Kentucky) News (the "Gimlet"))
hed21072.jpg Livid Queen shames Harry & Meghan, 'Stop your lies!' (Enquirer); Mike Packard, 56, miracle man, I was swallowed by a whle & lived! Real-life Jonah's own story (Enquirer); Laci's family's shocking decision, Scott Peterson execution stopped (IT); Not Pat Sajak, Vanna White marrying at age 64! (Globe); Local student awarded scolarship (Edmonson (County,Kentucky) News (the "Gimlet"))

LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Will Anderson, Awards Specialist, wrote for City's Best Awards Thurs
7/8/21 @11:59 CDT:
Hello and I hope that you are having a great day!  My name is Will,
and I am e-mailing you to let you know that you have been selected
for the 2021 Brownsville Best Award!  For the next year you will be
promoted on our web site so anyone searching the Brownsville area
will find you.  We only work with one winner in each major city in
the U.S.  You will also get a badge for your web site, social media
graphics, a certificate for the office, press release, and more.

Dumb news from Indiana:
Tested positive, 760,422; died, 13,914.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]

A new state law prohibits fishing for catfish and snapping tur-
tles with the hands (it's called "noodling").

                                                       [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

Dumb news from Kentucky:
Tested positive, 467,690; died, 7,301.
                                                                  [courtesy N.Y. Times]

Willard the Dog of Sunfish was wormed.
                                                                          [a TH exclusive]

Hopkinsville Community College history professor John Davis
said "critical race theory" is nothing new.
 
               
                                                         [courtesy LEX18]
          newsomet.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Tim Newsome, BM,
          23, 5'8", 140 lbs, felon w/hadgun (Bluegrass Crime
          Stoppers)
Birthdays:
                  July 5:  Edie Falco, 58
                               Julie Nixon Eisenhower, 73
                               The Dalai Lama, 86
                   July 6:  Sylvester Stallone, 75
                                George W. Bush, 75
                                Byron Berline, 77
                                Nancy Reagan (1921-2016)
                   July 7:  Jessica Hahn, 62
                                Shelley Duvall, 72
                                Richard Starkey ("Ringo Starr"), 81
                                Doc Severinsen, 94

                   July 8:  Tzipi Livni, 63
                                Anjelica Huston, 70
                                Deborah Zerby ("Kim Darby"), 74
                                Sidney Liebowitz ("Steve Lawrence"), 86 (and, yes, Liebowitz is
                   July 9:  Tom Hanks, 65                                             misspelled correctly)
                                O. J. Simpson, 74
                               
Jesse McReynolds, 92

                                Donald Rumsfeld (1932-12021)

                  July 10:  Cindy Sheehan, 64
                                 Arlo Guthrie, 74
                                 Virginia Wade, 76
                                 Mavis Staples, 82
                   July 11:  Kimberly Denise Jones ("Lil' Misspelled Kim"), 46 (or 47)
                                  Terry Garthwaite, 83
                                  Giorgio Armani, 87
                                  Leon Spinks (1953-2011)
Tabloid deadlines:
                                Robert Downey Sr., 85
                                Big Jake, the 6' 10" horse, 20
Tabloid wedlines:
                                July 7:  Jimmy Carter, 96, and Rosalynn (mispronounced "ROSE-ah-lin")
                                             Smith, 93,  75th anniversary  (first Presidential couple to go double
                                             diamond;  eldest living former President ever)

Dog of the weekPekingese
There are uglier examples (see second
illustration).  Bred for Chinese royalty
and said to be tolerant of children  but
not of rough-housing.

               pekings2.jpg

pekinges.jpg

Quotation of the week:
                                        "In Samuel Johnson's famous dictionary, patriotism is defined as the
                                          last refuge of a scoundrel.  With all due respect to an enlightened
                                          but inferior lexicographer, I beg to submit that it is the first refuge
                                          of a scoundrel."
                                                                        – Ambrose Bierce



wheatopp.jpg


Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):


         "Excuse me,  Miss,  but I think you
           must be the prettiest fat girl I have
           ever seen."
                                      
–  Leonard Simon
 fatchick.jpg
Quotation of the weak:
                                        "Covid is a political tool used to
                                          control people."
                                                                      Marjorie Taylor-Greene

leighaju.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Jasmine Alyssa Diaz, HM, 19, 5'7", 200 lbs (Yorkshire hog), robbery, meth; Leigha Juana Marderosian, HF, 32, 5',170 lbs, robbery; Christopher Lee Polk, BM, 38, 5'11", 160 lbs, indecency w/ch. (Abilene Crime Stoppers)
leighaju.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Jasmine Alyssa Diaz, HM, 19, 5'7", 200 lbs (Yorkshire hog), robbery, meth; Leigha Juana Marderosian, HF, 32, 5',170 lbs, robbery; Christopher Lee Polk, BM, 38, 5'11", 160 lbs, indecency w/ch. (Abilene Crime Stoppers)
Borf 's weekly BONUS:
Britney Spears' appointed attorney asked to be allowed to resign  (and her
manager already had resigned).  .  .  .  A hundred homing pigeons that fell
off a truck in Dayton Beach, Florida, couldn't find their way home at night
and blocked an I-95 exit for three hours. . . . Firefighters stopped a dog go-
ing down the road in a car in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada  (they figured he
had manged to knock the transmission out of park  and  into  bark  neutral,
and the car rolled). . . .  A live housecat was pulled from the collapsed con-
do rubble in Surfside, Florida.
                                                                            [courtesy LEX18. HuffPost]

chandria.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Ronald Gene Mauzey, WM, 61, 5'9", 160 lbs, probation viol. (aggr. battery); Chandria Chantell Young, BF, 38, 5'5", 160 lbs, aggrav. assault, crim. damage; Albert Alexis Cruz-Aviles, HM, a/k/a Luigi Cruz, 46, 5'10", 150 lbs, prob. viol. (threat, dom. battery); Ashija Denise Washington, BF, 25, 5'4", 103 lbs, aggr. assault, shooting; Kevin Buggs, BM, a/k/a Willie Rose, 51, 5'10", 170 lbs, tattoos, prob. viol. (dom. bat.) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)
chandria.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Ronald Gene Mauzey, WM, 61, 5'9", 160 lbs, probation viol. (aggr. battery); Chandria Chantell Young, BF, 38, 5'5", 160 lbs, aggrav. assault, crim. damage; Albert Alexis Cruz-Aviles, HM, a/k/a Luigi Cruz, 46, 5'10", 150 lbs, prob. viol. (threat, dom. battery); Ashija Denise Washington, BF, 25, 5'4", 103 lbs, aggr. assault, shooting; Kevin Buggs, BM, a/k/a Willie Rose, 51, 5'10", 170 lbs, tattoos, prob. viol. (dom. bat.) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)
Dear Eleanor:
                            Both my parents recently "came out" as "trans."  Now
                            I don't know which is which.  Whom  do  I  call  "Pa,"
                            and  whom,  "Ma"?
                                                                                non-LGBTQ teen girl
Dear Straightie:
                                Ask  them,  "Which one of you is the  'pitcher,'  and
                                which is the  'catcher'?"

danyelan.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): David McWilliams, 57, dangerous drugs Danyel Anderson, 33, DUI; Stacy Kelly, 38, burglary; Jason Dickey, 48, ctl. subs.; Kimberly Paz, 19, DWOL, paraph.; Mikaya Jones, 21, marijuana; Consuela Hernandez, 26, fam. assault; Robert Weddle-Coleman, 443, theft
danyelan.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): David McWilliams, 57, dangerous drugs Danyel Anderson, 33, DUI; Stacy Kelly, 38, burglary; Jason Dickey, 48, ctl. subs.; Kimberly Paz, 19, DWOL, paraph.; Mikaya Jones, 21, marijuana; Consuela Hernandez, 26, fam. assault; Robert Weddle-Coleman, 443, theft
HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But  remember  also,  you  have  to  spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without that
redundant  "Re: "  that  appears in so many subject lines  or  you'll  keep
getting  this  shit!  ("Cut and paste"  won't  work,  either.  We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)

lifemart.jpg Your portraits are so realistic Life Saver Dude: Modern art
lifemart.jpg Your portraits are so realistic Life Saver Dude: Modern art

Unopened e-mail last week included three messages from "Clutterbook" "Facebook"
        titled "Hank, you have 98 new notifications
."


The sports:
bartyash.jpg
The  ugliest  players   in
women's  tennis   played
for the championship  at
Wimbledeon  in London,
England,   yesterday    –
Ashleigh Barty,   of Aus-
tralia (left), beat Karolina
Pliskova, of the Czech Re-
public,  two sets to one.
kartatoo.jpg


DISCUSSION GROUP:

    Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu-
al dissection of important current events are invi-
ted to attend the  Weekly World News Round Ta-
ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every  Sunday.
Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the  near
future  include  National Spelling Bee  champion
Zaila Avant-Garde.

zailagar.jpg


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



July 4, 2021
:    Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids  while waiting for your wife  at the coun-
ter in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:


hed21071.jpg Kardashians bosses from Hell! Klohe: 'never shuts up,' Staffers sue sisters for $15 million, Kim 'touch her and you're fired,' Spy cams everywhere, Kourtney 'Everyone hates her! (Life & Style); Brad & Angie's bodyguard tells all! Fights, tears & affairs, Why he swiped her underwear (In Touch Weekly); 600,000 Americans didn't have to die, What Dr. Fauci knew about Wuhan lab and when he knew it (Enquirer); 65 years after they met, Johnny Cash & June Carter: The truth about their love, Booze, drugs & cheating, Why he couldn't go on without her (Examiner);
hed21071.jpg Kardashians bosses from Hell! Klohe: 'never shuts up,' Staffers sue sisters for $15 million, Kim 'touch her and you're fired,' Spy cams everywhere, Kourtney 'Everyone hates her! (Life & Style); Brad & Angie's bodyguard tells all! Fights, tears & affairs, Why he swiped her underwear (In Touch Weekly); 600,000 Americans didn't have to die, What Dr. Fauci knew about Wuhan lab and when he knew it (Enquirer); 65 years after they met, Johnny Cash & June Carter: The truth about their love, Booze, drugs & cheating, Why he couldn't go on without her (Examiner);

hed21071w.jpg Cameron Diza confesses: 'I've been to Hell & back, How quitting Hollywood saved her life - and her marriage (OK Weekly); Redneck rave,Blue Holler controversy, Edmonson County makes world news (Edmonson News)
hed21071w.jpg Cameron Diza confesses: 'I've been to Hell & back, How quitting Hollywood saved her life - and her marriage (OK Weekly); Redneck rave,Blue Holler controversy, Edmonson County makes world news (Edmonson News)

LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Gary S. Logsdon, attorney at law, wrote Thurs 7/1/21:
I wrote a deed this week for a couple named Carrie Ann Gill Loid
and husband,  Kirby Loid,  and misspelled their name "Lloyd"  on
the first draft.  I corrected the misspelling when they pointed it out,
but I forgot to ask them if they had a son or daughter named Tab?

Dumb news from Indiana:
Tested positive, 758,078; died, 13,863.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]
samanthe.jpg Vincennes' most wanted (MugshotsOnline.com): Layton Tyler Walker, 21, paraphernalia; Cassandra Elizabeth Cooper, 21, trespass; Samanthe Michniak, 30, DUI; Mercedes Destiny Mauer, 22, prob. vi.; Eric R. Strahley, 34, disorderly
samanthe.jpg Vincennes' most wanted (MugshotsOnline.com): Layton Tyler Walker, 21, paraphernalia; Cassandra Elizabeth Cooper, 21, trespass; Samanthe Michniak, 30, DUI; Mercedes Destiny Mauer, 22, prob. vi.; Eric R. Strahley, 34, disorderly

The United States District Court  for  the Southern District of
Indiana closed Friday, July 2, in observance of the new "June-
teenth
" holiday  (which was June 19, nearly two weeks earlier
–  but remember,
the 4th of July is on July the 5th this year).

                                                    [courtesy Columbus Republic]
Dumb news from Kentucky:
Tested positive, 466,278; died, 7,280.
                                                              [courtesy N.Y. Times]
          kidsfill.jpg

Children cooling off on this
hot day . . .
                     The fire depart-
ment  brought out a  pumper
truck  to spray the kids  who
completed the summer read-
ing program.

                – Edmonson News
The Fraternal Order of Police sued the City of Lexington  to
prohibit enforcement of its newly adopted ban of "no knock"
warrants. . . .

A Louisville mural honoring the memories of George Floyd
and Breonna Taylor was defaced with blue paint and the sig-
nature "Patriot Front."

 
               
                                                     [courtesy LEX18]

russwurm.jpg He's listed as wanted in South Bend, Indiana, but it's reported that he's from Louisville, Kentucky: Daniel Russwurm, WM, 5'9", 125 lbs, meth, coke; that's his lookalike cousin from Laurel County, Kentucky, on the right, Brian Eldridge, 46, charged there with murder
russwurm.jpg He's listed as wanted in South Bend, Indiana, but it's reported that he's from Louisville, Kentucky: Daniel Russwurm, WM, 5'9", 125 lbs, meth, coke; that's his lookalike cousin from Laurel County, Kentucky, on the right, Brian Eldridge, 46, charged there with murder
                      [courtesy Michiana Crime Stoppers, LEX18]

Quotation of the week
:

                                           "We are Britain and we have one dream,
                                             To unite all people in one great team;
                                             Strong Britain, great nation."
                                                                                                – British schoolchildren singing
                                                                                                    away Covid-19 restrictions


Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):

"Excuse me, miss, but is that sweat rolling down your

  thigh?  Or are you just happy to see me?"

                                                                       – Leonard Simon



peregrin.jpg Alex Peregrino,HM, 37, 6'2", 260 lbs, continuous smuggling of persons; Amanda Lee Smothersm WF, 32, 5'6", 135 lbs, meth (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

peregrin.jpg Alex Peregrino,HM, 37, 6'2", 260 lbs, continuous smuggling of persons; Amanda Lee Smothersm WF, 32, 5'6", 135 lbs, meth (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

Tinnitus hottie:

tinnitus.jpg

Dog of the week
Jack Russell terrier
Jack is a nickname for John in  old  English,
and it was after an Englishman named John
Russell that the Jack Russell terrier was na-
med.  More than  you'd  ever  want to know
here.

jackruss.jpg
Birthdays:
                    June 28:  Kellie Pickler, 35
                                    Elon Musk, 50
                                    John Elway, 61
                                    Leon Panetta, 83
                                    Melvin James Kaminsky ("Mel Brooks"), 95
                                    Gilda Radner (1946-1989)
                    June 29:  Gary Busey, 77
                                    Harmon Killebrew (1936-2011)
                    June 30: 
Mike Tyson, 55
                                   
Esa-Pekka Salonen, 63                                   
                                    Ron Swoboda, 77
                    July 1:  Princess Di (1961-1997)
                                Dan Aykroyd, 69
                                Deborah Harry, 76
                                Twyla Tharp, 80
                                Jamie Farr, 87
                                Leslie Caron, 90
                                Olivia de Havilland (1916-2020)
                    July 2:  Lindsay Lohan, 35
                                Moon So-Ri, 47
                                Luci Baines Johnson Nugent Turpin, 74
                                Richard Petty, 84
                                Ahmad Jamal, 91
                                Imelda Marcos, 92
                    July 3:  Julian Assange, 50
                                Tom Cruise, 59
                                Dave Barry, 74
                    July 4:  Gina Lollobrigida, 94
                                Eva Marie Saint, 97
                                U.S.A.!  U.S.A.!  245
Tabloid deadlines
:
                                Mike Gravel, 91

                                Donald Rumsfeld, 88
                                Judy Lane Felty Walters Graham, 79
                                                                                                [Louisville Courier-Journal]


Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
"Miss" Nevada, Kataluna Enriquez,  said, "I'm the
first
'trans woman'  and 'trans woman of color' "  to
be in the "Miss U.S.A." contest  "and it's time that
our voices are heard"  – and,  our  tits  are  shown?
("s"he was once known as "Durte Dom"). . . . 
Cal-
ifornia has prohibited state-funded travel to 17 oth-
er states  for their "LGBTQ" discrimination  (Ken-
tucky is among them;  Indiana  is not). . . . Twenty-
three states have prohibited the teaching  of critical
race theory
– but, what is it? . . . The busts of Roger
msnevada.jpg
Taney and John C. Calhoun were on their way out at the U.S. Capitol.  .  .  .
Kim Kardashian's brand SKIMS was designing underwear  for U.S. women
engaged in the Olympics. . . . 
Five  thousand  pigeons  vanished  in  a British
race. . . . Bill Cosby's 2018 assault conviction was vacated by the Pennsylva-
nia Supreme Court. . . .  An Egyptian was arrested in Kuwait for complaining
on TikTok about the weather. . . . A Knoxville, Tennessee, nurse was charged
with postal infractions for mailing her husband's former wife feces and a used
menstrual pad. . . . U.S. passport applicants no longer have to submit support-
ing documentation for their choice of  "M" or "F" identification,  and  a  third
"gender" designation appears to be on the way.

 
                                                                     [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

renshark.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Jacob Rendell Sharkey, BM, 28, 6', 155 lbs, probation violation (opiates, domestic battery); Angela Marie Estrada a/k/a Ortiz, HF, 39, 5', 140 lbs, prostitution, narcotics; Ashley Nicole Pocowatchit a/i/a Forrester, WF, 31, 5'5", 140 lbs, probation violation (narcotics; Moshe Mereghi Ange Stennett, BM, 30, 5'11", 190 lbs, ag. bat. (Sedgwick County Sheriff)
renshark.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Jacob Rendell Sharkey, BM, 28, 6', 155 lbs, probation violation (opiates, domestic battery); Angela Marie Estrada a/k/a Ortiz, HF, 39, 5', 140 lbs, prostitution, narcotics; Ashley Nicole Pocowatchit a/i/a Forrester, WF, 31, 5'5", 140 lbs, probation violation (narcotics; Moshe Mereghi Ange Stennett, BM, 30, 5'11", 190 lbs, ag. bat. (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

Dear Eleanor:
                            Against my better judgment I agreed to allow my
                            parents to pay for my upcoming wedding.  It  was
                            something they pretty much insisted upon.  My fi-
                            ancÚ  was  upset  because he feared I was in collu-
                            sion with them to make a big show of it.

                            For  the  last 10 months  he has been suggesting we
                            nix the religious ceremony  and get married private-
                            ly.    I am hurt because, while I don't want a big par-
                            ty,   I have always wanted a full ceremony  with  my
                            friends  and  family.    I've been trying to assuage his
                            fears  because   I know he'll appreciate  the  wedding
                            on the day of;  but he feels neglected.  How  can  we
                            compromise so that neither of us feels resentful?

                                                                                            Party of Two

Dear Party-poop:
                                  It is apparent that you and your intended are com-
                                  mitted  to  a lifelong marital course  of  infiducial
                                  conspiracy.  Avoid  compromise.  Give entire con-
                                  trol  to  your  parents.   If he does  not  consent  to
                                  this,   jilt  the son-of-a-bitch.


Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "Clutterbook" "Facebook"
        titled "Hank, you have 99 new notifications
."



The sports:
American  sprinter  Sha'Carri  Rich-
ardson
 failed a  marijuana  test  and
is  disqualified  from  the  Olympics.
.  .  .  
Olympians were warned not to
use the free condoms
given them.
shacarri.jpg

DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't  forget!    Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to   attend   the  Weekly  World
News  Round  Table  at the offices of Borf Books  outside  Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.    Guest   speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include Jeannie Suk Gersten
.

liferats.jpg "Your mother and I never married, Timmy - so, yes, you are a rat bastard" Life Saver Dude: Letting the kid down easy
liferats.jpg "Your mother and I never married, Timmy - so, yes, you are a rat bastard" Life Saver Dude: Letting the kid down easy

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donnaker.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Kenneth Donnaker, 59, crim tresp,cntrld substs; Lydia Martinez, BAILED OUT or ESCAPED; Hannah Smith, 29, marijuana, paraphernalia; Cameron Mouw a/k/a Chairman Mao, 38, paraphernalia; Mandy Renfro, 33, mj; Michelle Leyva, 34, mobery; Natividad Delarosa, 37, burglary; Manuel Tanguma, 51, abusive call
donnaker.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Kenneth Donnaker, 59, crim tresp,cntrld substs; Lydia Martinez, BAILED OUT or ESCAPED; Hannah Smith, 29, marijuana, paraphernalia; Cameron Mouw a/k/a Chairman Mao, 38, paraphernalia; Mandy Renfro, 33, mj; Michelle Leyva, 34, mobery; Natividad Delarosa, 37, burglary; Manuel Tanguma, 51, abusive call

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


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