(most of them from Britain's royal family):

StephenYates wrote Sun 1/22/23 @14:02 CDT:

The women hit (one killed) by a falling Denny's Restaurant sign
in Elizabethtown  were on their way to a White Castle next door
but had stopped in an argument  as to which restaurant to attend;
and one of them asked, "Lord, show us a sign!"

Dumb news from Indiana:
                                             

Michelle "Shelly" Ellis, WF, 49, was arrested for burglarizing and setting fire to a business in Kokomo (K. Tribune)

    The Kokomo Men of Note rehearse for Valentine's Day.
                                                                                                                           [courtesy K. Tribune]

              

The northern Kentucky town Dayton temporarily changed its
name to Who Deyton  in support of  the  Cincinnati  Bengals'
National Football League playoffs run.
                                                                     [courtesy LEX18]

Fineous Leslie Riggs, WM, 53, felon w/firrearm; Ira Edward Mason, 44, meth; Kimberly
Dawn Cobler, 37, meth; Ernest Hum, 40 meth; Bradley Shawn Hayes, 31, theft

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "Dedicated to Natty Bumppo,  a true story:  I went up to a girl standing  with 3 or 4 other girls and said,  'Excuse me, Miss, I'm kind of bashful;  but I'll fuck you like you owe me money.'  (I didn't get laid)."                                                                                                – Leonard Simon

Ten of the 11 Israeli Supreme Court justices ruled that Interior Minister
Aryeh Deri was unfit to serve because of "extreme unreasonability" . . .
New York Congressman George Santos was assigned to the Small Bus-
iness and Science committees of the U.S. House of Representatives. . . .
An Englishman was trampled to death by a herd of  unlabled  cattle. . . .
Six people – three of them children – were killed by kite strings in their
throats at a festival in India. . . . Health care clinic Pall Mall Medical re-
ported that only 55 per cent of the people can identify their rectums. . . .
Scott Rolen was elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame. . .   . A Rhode Is-
land girl sent a cookie to the police department to test for  Santa  Claus'
DNA.

                                                                 [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Teoma's most wanted): Arthur Nichols, WM, 5'6", 155 lbs, probation viol (injury to child); Amanda Margaret Webb, 50, 5'5", 150 lbs,
fraud; Jeremiah Que Burton, BM, 20, 6'1", 190 lbs, family assault; Danica Thrasher, BF, 43, 4'11", 125 lbs, theft (3rd offense); Saul Vasques, HM, 20, 5'7", 130 lbs, family assault

"I made a New Year's rresolution to eat spinach. If I can't stand it, I'll give it up for lent." Life Saver Dude: Wish I'd though o' that when I was a kid.

 

:

StephenYates wrote Weds 1/18/23 @11:31 CDT:

Here's the video of last week's item about the South Su-
danese president pissing on his boots in an urinoration.

A bill filed in the state House of Representatives by J. D.
Prescott,  R - Union City,  suggests that the nickname
"Hoosier"  for a resident of Indiana came from  Harry
Hoosier,  a black born into slvery in Maryland around
1750 who became a Methodist minister in the 1970's.

                                     [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

A man was arrested in Madison after returning to a busi
ness and asking if anyone had found the bat of meth he
believed he had left in the restroom. . . .  A man was ar-
rested in Monroe County after  swallowing  a  joint  and
throwing the rest of his marijuana  out  the  car  door  in
pursuit.
                                                        [courtesy Fox59]


   

South Bend's most wanted: Mario Dennard, BM, 5'7", 240 lbs, domestic battery (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.0

High wind blew a Denny's Restaurant sign off its post onto a
car in Elizabethtown, killing a woman inside and injuring two
others.
                                                               [courtesy LEX18]

joeparkr.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Joe Parker, WM, 34, 5'8", 174 lbs, assault on police (Bluegrass Grime Stoppers)

Quotation of the week:
                                          "Don’t be ugly.  That’s something my granny used to say
                                             when I was being a brat "
                                                                                                   – Congresswoman Lauren
                                                                                                      Boebert (R-Colorado)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "I was stopped on the highway by an officer who said 'I guess you know   I'm giving you a ticket for speeding'; and I said, 'I'm sorry, sir, but I got   here as fast as I could'."                                                                                                 – Leonard Simon

Birthdays:

zemariae.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's most wanted): Demariae Smith, BM, 31, 5' 11", 226 lbs, burglary; Precious Tillery, BF, 5'4", 170 lbs,
aggr. ass.; Jasmine Aquilar, HF, 29, 5'8", 120 lbs, DUI w/child; Jeni Lee Gibbs, WF, 40, 5'4", 170 lbs, abandoning a child; Gary Howard Zammito, WM, 52, 5'9", 200 lbs, fraud

joshuado.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (by the Sedgwick County Sheriff): Joshua Dominique Tipton, BM, 26, 6'2", 177 lbs, tattoos neck, throat, face; probation
violation (dom. battery); Cassondra Lee Davis, BM, 36,5'6", 160 lbs, tattoo on right neck, probation violation (opiates) ; Christopher Bu, AM, 32, 5'6", 160 lbs, probation violation (burglary)

The Missouri House of Representatives adopted a dress code  for  women
members only, requiring them to wear a jacket or cardigan or blazer. . . .
Greta  Thunberg  was arrested in s coal mine protest in Germany.  .  .  .  A
Texas state senator introduced a bill to require clear  and  conspicuous  la-
eling of foods containing material from aborted human fetuses. . . . A Ten-
nesee Congressman said he found 171 Biblical references to UFO's.  .  .  .
2022 was the sixth hottest year on record, following 2016, 2020, 2019, 20-
15 and 2017, respectively. . . . Two high schools in Essex,  England,  have
probited all physical contact between pupils.  .  .  .  A pastor was shot and
wounded by his cousin  in Jacksonville,  Florida,  in an argument over the
existence of Heaven and Hell.
                                                                   [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

robertsn.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Robert Robertson, WM, 54, possession; Jamey Holman, WF, 46, dope; Veronica Morales,WF, 19,
paraphernalia; Jesus Martinez, WM, mj; Beatrice Arispe, WF, 40, DUI; Darren Helms, WM, 45, cr. trespass; Jamie Perez, WM. 43, DUI; Jovan Croom, BM, 24, mj

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers  interested in intellectual dissection  of  important current events are  invited  to attend the Weekly World News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns- ville, Kentucky, after church every Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the near future include Congresswomen Laur- en Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene.

lifeintr.jpg Life Saver Dude: Looks like interracial sex to me

 

:

Malachi Dean wrote Weds 1/11/23 @06:00 CST:

Leonard Simon a/k/a "David Cop-a-Feel."

Andy Beshear, Peppy Martin, Geoff Young, Daniel Cameron
Jacob Clark,  Kelly Craft,  David Cooper,  Bob DeVore,  Eric
Deters, Mike Harmon, Alan Keck, Dennis Ray Ormerod, Ry-
an Quarles,  Johnny Ray Rice  and Robbie C. Smith  are run-
ning for governor.   Beshear,  son  of former governor  Steve
Beshear, is the governor. Martin, running as a Democrat, was
the Republican nominee in 1999.  Young and DeVore are per-
emnial candidates.  Cameron now is the attorney general,  en-
dorsed  by  Donald Trump;  Harmon is the state auditor,  and
Quarles is the commissioner of agriculture.  Clark,  as a state
representative once,  filed a motion to impeach Beshear. Craft
was Trump's ambassador to the United Nations.   Deters  is  a
suspended attorney.  Keck is the mayor of Somerset, and Rice
led a protest outside the state Capitol just after January 6, 2021.
No one ever heard of Cooper or Ormerod. 

                                        [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

rechelle.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Joseph Anthony Browning. 28, Bardstown, criminal trespass; Katie Rechelle King, 36, B, Failure
to appear; Brian Christopher Mattingly, 49, B, F.t.a., contempt; Cindi Noel Sentell, 33, B, failure to appear; Zachary Troy Peyton, 25, B, meth, mj, paraph

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "I don't need to play the lottery; my Power Balls are already worth Mega   Millions."                                                                                                 – Leonard Simon

 

sordelet.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Peter Lemuel Sordelet IV, WM, 49, 5'10", 175 lbs, one upside down ear, Prob.viol. (ops.); Antonio Lee Brown Jr.,
BM, 18, 5'5", 124 lbs, tattoo on neck, aggr. robbery, burgl. & battery; Stephone Smith, BM, 39, 5'9", 209 lbs, aggr. burg., threat & dom. battery (Sedgwick County Sheriff)\

Jair Bolsonaro parroted Donald Trump. . . . Children, a dog and a foot-
ball helmet were seen in the House of Representatives  during  the  de-
bate over Kevin McCarthy's campaign for Speaker. .  .  . It  was  found
that persons who consider themselves attractive are less likely to wear
face masks. . . . South Sudan detained six journalists accused of releas-
ing  footage of President Salva Kiir  appearing  to  urinate  on  himself
while standing for the National Anthem. . . .  The State Department an-
nounced that,  in accord with a United Nations attempt  to  distinguish
the nation Turkey from Thanksgiving dinner,  it  would  henceforth re-
fer to it as "Türkiye." . . . The mother of the Uvalde gunman was arres-
ted for threatening to kill the man she was living with. .  .  . A fugitive
fighting extradition from Scotland to the U.S. claimed that fellow pris-
oners were taunting him by singing "Leaving on a Jet Plane." . . . A re-
leased  prisoner  in  Lake Charles,  Louisiana,  tried to break back into
jail because he was hungry and had no housing. .  .  .  The  United  Na-
tions predicted that India's population will exceed China's this year.

                                                                           [courtesy Harper's, AP]

lifefliz.jpg lFor Lease: Navidad Life Saver Sude: No copyright violation in this ad; the first word of thes song is misspelled

 

:

Anthony Dean wrote Sun 1/1/23 @10:44 CST:

No TH on my driveway this morning.  Can I get a refund?

No.  Overslept.  Sorry.
                                          – Editor

Vigo County was promoting discarded Christmas trees as habitat
for fish and rabbits.
                                              [courtesy Terre Haute Tribune-Star]

kinyanmo.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Kinyan Moore, BM, 60, 6', 155 lbs, domest. battery, residential entry, "strangulation"; Dustin Woods, WM, 5' 8", 150 lbs,
residential entry; Katelyn Tromblay, WF, 5'3", 120 lbs, cocaine; Vincent Breden, WM, 6'. 170 lbs, parole violation (theft); Deshawn Adams, BM, 6', 145 lbs, violating court order, handgun w/o lic.

The University of Kentucky basketball team, which has lost
four games already this season, was not ranked in the top 25
college teams in the latest Associated Press poll.

                                     [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

julready.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Julius Ready, black male, 28, 6', 160 lbs, child abuse, ctrld. substs., wanton endang., felon w/handgun, Bluegrass Crime Stoppers

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "If you really want to stir a woman's emotions up for Valentine's Day,   don't give her a present."                                                   – Leonard Simon

lemauner.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (by the Sedgwick County Sheriff): Lemaune Hunter, BM, 42, 6', 155 lbs, aggravated arson; Sedrick L. Thomas, BM, 18, 5'10", 135 lbs,
probation violation (weapons); Nicholas Leslie Richardson, WM, 25, 5'11", 170 lbs, burglary; Dallas Lee Ortiz, WM, 26, 5'11", 160 lbs, prob. viol. (opiates); Alan James Larios, WM, 30, 5'7", 170 lbs., fail. to comply

driscoll.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's most wanted): Chistopher Driscoll, WM, 59, 6'1", 220 lbs, family assault; Deidra Turner, BF, 37, 5'2", 110l lbs, ctrld. subst.;
Samantha Wilson, WF, 29, 5'4", 132 lbs, probation violation (forgery); David Hutchinson, BM, 35, 5'9", 190 lbs, probation viol. (assault on public svt.); Jeffery Adam Arredondo, HM, 35, 5'7", 140 lbs, credit card fraud

Prince Harry said he wanted his father and brother back. . . . Scarborough,
England,  canceled its end-of-year fireworks not to distress a walrus  .  .  .
A couple who spent $3,000 driving 18 hours a thousand miles  from Den-
ver,  Colorado,  to Redmond,  Oregon,  on Christmas Eve to catch a flight
from Seattle,  Washington,  were among people missing  15,000  canceled
flights. .  .  .  Myanmar  lifted its 24-hour curfew to allow New Year's Eve
celebrations.
                                                                    [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

cheyenpo.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas,Sheriff): Cheyenne Ponce, 26, Mj; Shawna Campbell, 33, Evading arrest w/watercraft; Celine Casanova,
23, mj; Teresa Moore, 56, deadly conduct; Rayven George, 20, DUI, Amy Beinhauer, 55, cntrld. subs.; Brandy Schlittler, 46, family assault; Jane Deanda, 33, no insurance

lifedarw.jpg For those who don't know the difference betwwen a crocodile and an alligator: The crocodile is the one nex to the alligator! Life Saver Dude: Elementary, my dear Darwin

 

:

J. Ewing wrote Sun 12/25/22 @15:39 EDT from Lexington, Ky.:

Thou art evil – or maybe just testing the TH readers to see
if they are actually paying attention and reading the TH.

Per your "Dear Eleanor" column there is  a  place  in  Ken-
tucky called Rugmunch.  As we live in state housing loca-
tions such as Nonesuch, Sunfish and Big Bone Lick, there
seemed a possibility.   So I Googled.   Not only is there no
such place in Kentucky,  nor anywhere else,   I  now  have
search data attached to my telephone ID  that indicate I've
done  a  porn  search.   My spam folder will get really full
now.  Thanks a lot.  I really appreciate your perpetual hol-
iday gift.

But at least you know I actually do read all of the TH.  If
your latest edition was a test to see if subscribers actually
read the content,  I passed with flying colors.  And now I
am aware of a coloring book with a cat farts theme.

I am now aware also that I will be spammed to death from
tons of porn sites because I did a  Google  search  to see if
there actually is a place called Rugmunch, Ky.  Thank you
so much.

You are so welcome, and we so apologize.  It might interest you
to know that the phony letter from Rugmunch  came from a lady
we know from Elizabethtown, Ky.,  now living in Tennessee,  at
our request for fodder for "Dear Eleanor,"  and that she is in a re-
lationship with the mayor of Sunfish, Ky.
                                                                                      Editor, TH

A Lawrence County man was arrested for killing and dismem-
bering his father, which the man said was a robot replacing his
father.

                                                                    [courtesy Fox News]

Wanted in Rushville: Michael James Allen, WM, 6', 140 lbs, offense not stated (discourtersy Greensburg Daily News)

Governor Andy Beshear issued an order allowing the use of
medical marijuana as long as it is purchased in a state where
the purchase is legal (not in Kentucky).
                                                                     [courtesy LEX18]

justncas.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Christopher Michael Blanford, 49, Loretto, failure to appear; William Sterling Styles, 25, Bardstown, cont. of ct.;
Kyrie Joe Canales, 31, Bardstown, conempt of court; James William Brown Jr., 51, Bardstown, failure to appear; Orville Justin Case, 26, disrregard. stop sign

December 26: Alex Wang, 39         –––>                                            David Sedaris, 66                                            Kitty Dukakis, 86                                            Phil Spector (1939-2021)                                                   Steve Allen (1921-2000)                                            Mao Tse-tung (1893-1976)

mabongad.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita,Kansas) (Texoma's most wanted): Deandre Mabonga, BM, 23, 5'9",160 lbs, probation violation (theft); Destiny Marie Davila, HF, 20, 5'4", 125 lbs, probaton violation (assault
on public servant); Shannon Lee Davidson, WF, 49, 5', 193 lbs (Yorkshire hog), prob. viol. (theft); Shanteenera Eaden, BF, 28, 5'4", 142 lbs, prob.viol. (deadly ass.); Cody Wilson, WM, 30, 5'11", 185 lbs, upside down ears, ab.child

New New York Congressman-elect George Santos admitted that he lied
about his work experience and education. .  .  . A man and his wife both
born on Christmas Eve 26 years ago had their first baby,  on  Christmas
Eve.  .  .  .  A Slovenian priest close to the Pope was accused of proposi-
tioning two nuns for a threesome to mirror the Holy Trinity. . . .  Nearly
feral cats have been deployed around Chicago,  Illinois,  to  control  the
rat  population.
                                                               [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

blaylock.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Shawn Blaylock, 23, debit/credit card abuse;; Janie Saoldana,34, invalid lic.; Bobby Michalski, 43, invalid driver lic.;
Christina Baccus, 39, theft; Paige Wesley, 44, assault w/deadly weapon; Fallon Allison, 38, Elderly caard ab.; Charles Hardy, 24, criminal mischief; Mary Sutton, 56, family assault