To
First Rose's
Home Pages
This Web site is Devoted to My Kids,
who's happiness and well being means more to me than Life itself.
If not for them, I would never have realized how many children and
divorced parents need our love, understanding and support.
Together with your help we CAN make a difference. Let's join hands and build a better system for our children and our families. Let's take the control out of one parent's hands and place it where it belongs.
Our children came into this world with two parents and its about time, weather we are married or not, our children have the right to both parents equally raising them.
It's time we are heard, the courts and congress must hear our cries and the cries of our children.
I know many of you feel as I do, and I would love to hear from all of you. I will hear your e-mail, and I in turn will send each of them to your congressman.
We
will be setting up petitions for each state so be sure to sign the appropriate
one for your State, as they will be sent to congress also.
We
will also be offering a survey in the future, that you can fill out via
the net so we can collect important data to support our letters to our
respective state officials.
Sign
the appropriate petition for your State and let's get this ball rolling.
Join
our project to get the laws changed to give EQUAL RIGHTS TO BOTH PARENTS.
Send
me your e-mail; let me know what you think, or any ideas you have to add.
Our families can't go on another day with these laws that don't work! Even if it's too late for you and your children are grown, send it anyway and help another family from going through this pain and suffering.
Thank you
for taking the time to visit this page. Please feel free to share
your story and I will post it (with your permission) on a future page devoted
to letting others know they are not alone in the battle to equal rights
with regard to their children's lives.
Let's bring
our families back where they belong…… In Both Parents Arms!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you,
First Rose
Index
Guest book provided by:
Graphics provided by:
Special Thanks to:
MisChif Design © 1998
My Story:
(Updated July 29, 1998)
Hello, I'm Terry (First
Rose)
Thanks for stopping at our web site.
This web site has been designed to help
Non Custodial Parents gain Equal Rights.
Yes I am female, but I have been on the Non Custodial dad's side of the Support issues since 1987. I left my children in my husband's care because I choose not to be one of the mothers that depended on State Welfare. I knew my children would have more, at that time, living with their dad.
I believe that the child comes first, and did what was best at the time for my children. I feared my children being hungry, living in an environment less than they had been accustomed to, and didn't have the support of family to help me out. Their dad was a great dad, I never feared that there would be a problem in our raising them together. He also had parents that I knew would never let my children down. As with all of us, I too have made mistakes, but parenting is a learning experience. I always did what I felt was in the best interest of my children.
I now know how unfair the court system is, I know it doesn't work, and I know they DON'T have our children's best interest in mind. Not only did I have to deal with the same problems Non Custodial dads have been dealing with for years but also I came along at a time when it was unacceptable for a mother NOT to have custody of her children. I was “the example” in Court, not only did the judge automatically view me as an unfit mother because I didn't have custody, but he wanted to show the Non Custodial dads that I (a woman) would be treated just as harsh.
The court system claims to have our children's best interest at hand but their concern is based only on Child Support not on Visitation. Every time I have been to court nothing has been done about the violations of Visitation, but my Child Support was raised every time. I have been threatened to be put in jail for contempt on Child Support, but there was never a threat about contempt of Visitation. I made the mistake I'm sure many of you have and took action in my own hands and stopped paying Child Support, but that only ruined my credit and still nothing has been done.
I feel that it is because of the Court System I have lost out on the growth, nurturing, love, caring and growth of my children and they have lost out on a very loving relationship that is detrimental to their growth, their Mother.
Here are just a few of the problems I have encountered with the Court
System:
A. Child Support
1. A Non Custodial Parent pays taxes on all our income yet when the
Custodial Parent receives that “Income” they are not taxed.
2. We cannot claim any deductions for that Child Support, or the child, yet the Custodial Parents not only do not pay taxes on that “Income” but also can claim the deduction.
3. Support is supposed to include Rent/Mortgage, Food, Clothes, Utilities, and Medical Bills but don't we the Non Custodial Parents have these expenses also to maintain a certain standard of living for our children in our homes? I am remarried and cannot have anymore children, but together with my husband we maintain a three bedroom home. This we do not need, as I'm sure many of you do not, but why should our children maintain a lower standard of living with the Non Custodial Parent.
4. How many of you pay Child Support but are denied your visitation and the Court System does nothing. Should we have to pay?
5. How many of you have to buy clothes for your children to have when in your home because the Custodial Parent doesn't want to send them. Doesn't Child Support include clothing?
6. How many of you pay Child Support and the child is with you every weekend, school vacations and perhaps the whole summer? Do you receive Child Support or do you pay for your children and they are with you?
B. Visitation:
1. How many of you are supposed to have your children Holidays, weekends,
school vacations, and summer vacations? How many of you have been
denied those rights, gone to court and nothing was done?
2. How many of you have never enjoyed seeing your child's joy when Santa, the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy come?
3. How many of you have had a Non Court appointed therapist, who never talked to you or maybe talked to you a few times be acceptable to the courts and change your visitation?
4. How many of you call your children and they are either busy or are rushed off the phone with you?
5. Has your child ever been left at home for the first time after school and they weren't allowed to answer the phone if you called. Or you just weren't allowed to call period?
C. Medical Bills:
1. How many of you have been made medically liable for braces or other
cosmetic expenses and where never consulted by the Custodial Parent?
As husband and wife aren't these financial decisions made jointly?
Should one parent make a financial decision for both?
2. Your child becomes ill; don't you deserve to know?
3. Your child gets injured, shouldn't you be informed?
I know I’d like to know.
Isn't it funny that as Non Custodial Parents we are responsible for
the bill but not the love and caring for our child?
How many times have you had to fight with Medical Doctors, your Ex-Spouse,
schools, or therapists for information on your children? Isn't it
our right to know?
How many holidays, birthdays, field trips, proms, graduations have you
missed?
How many hobbies, activities or sports would you like to have seen your
child take an interest in and been denied? Shouldn't all of these
things be a “Joint Decision”?
I have fought many times with the court system and oddly enough never been
heard. All they want to know is how much, and did you pay!
Here is what I propose will put a stop to all this control;
It's very simple. All you need to qualify is to be a supportive, loving,
caring parent, It's that simple.
From the time of divorce custody is divided equally and legally, that's it! This
gives our children what they have the right too, BOTH PARENTS raising them. “Joint Physical
Custody” is what WE are fighting for. If you live in the same town, your children live 50% of
the time with each of you. We are for the children, not for mom's or dad's but for the children.
I pride myself on being NON GENDER BIAS where this issue is concerned, because I want our children
to have BOTH parents!
Now let me ask you, if you have Joint Physical Custody will you
keep your children from the other parent or request unreasonable child
support? Of course not, because as the old saying goes “what
comes around goes around”. I believe it will keep our families together.
I believe it will keep divorced parents from being unreasonable where Child
Support and Visitation are concerned. I beleive it will keep parents from using
their children as pawns. They only add fuel to
an already burning fire at the time of divorce, that mentally and financially
destroy our families and our children.