A gnome-page

This is a small page dedicated to gnomes...

Ok... why, I hear you ask... well it's a long story... well no, it's a damn short story, but frightfully dull and uninteresting... ok kinda interesting... ok you beat it out of me, it's damned fascinating... There once was a girl... her name is Unimportant (damn cruel trick for parents to play on a child, but that's life), anyway, her initials are CWW, she come from Denmark and she's short... oh and she wants to be a waitress... (among other things). Anyway, Me, Matt and Simon often took the Mick out of her, so as a kind of homage to the hours of jokes we obtained from her diminutive stature, here are a selection...

The comments / jokes

We must remember however that however tempting it may be to blame our problems on Cadria and verbally torment her, we must resist. After all, she must be having a hard time, too, after reading in the 'Economist' magazine that the great Danish school system actually scores below Britain and (egads!) the United States in mathematics and scientific studies. It made me laugh anyway. After lisening to her, I thought that the Danish were the premiere force of Europe; first in intellect, sports, and military.

Matt: I thought that the Danish air force consisted of three jets?...
CWW: Yes, but those are the best three fighters in the whole world....

CWW: (after banging head on table)I want to DIE...

Julian: QUICK SOMEONE FIND ME A DANISH GNOME I CAN LAUGH AT

CWW: Well, I'm going to do Chemistry A'Level in one year

Julian: Small, Danish, can be annoying, but people like her (no, it's not a rasher of Danish smoked bacon - sorry, bad joke, think it through)

Exam paper: Below, detail, with a diagram how you would create a smoothed current from an AC source
Julian: USE A BATTERY!!!
CWW (marker): ha, ha, ha, ha, 0/4

'You wanted to see it' brings you quotes you have know and loved. Here's an old classic from the mail entitled 'The Famous London Borough of Hickney ' by those fun youngsters - Duncan, Simon and Matt
CWW: I hate you I want to die I want to go home I'm hungry I'm hot I'm cold Julian have you done question 19 b) yet? I have Oh jules i've got a headache I want to be a waitress in Germany I hate statistics and physics.

CWW: What quotes!!!? (upon hearing someone mentioning them, quite a lot)

CWW: Julian, I'm going to hit you (following J's handing in of investigation)

CWW: I do not get annoyed (9:15 first Physics lesson September 95)
CWW: Go away, you're really annoying me (9:15 23 seconds first Physics lesson 95)

I was looking in a newspaper the other day, Daily Mail, 16/8/97, and found an amusing article. It was as follows...

The lowdown on lower IQ's

It might sound like a tall story, but according to one expert short people have lower IQ's. Paediatrician Dr Stephen Stathis studied 4,000 five-year olds and found that those whose height fell in the boottom 10 per cent were slightly less intelligent.

Boys were about six points less that 'normal' and girls were four to five points lower - and researchers fear it could stay that way through to adulthood.

'Short people have for long been the butt of jokes and now they are likely to be hit even harder,' says Dr Stathis, from the Mater Hospital in Brisbane.

Although he admits his studies need further research, they could have significant implications for child development. 'What we have to avoid is stereotyping short children,' said Dr Stathis. 'A short child does not mean he or she is not going to do well at school. We are talking about averages and every short child should be taken on his or her merits.'

The London Borough of Hickney

Ok, this takes a little explaining (the emphasis being on the diminutive word, as always), I, along with Sally, Lauren, Lucy (probably, I can't remember, it was only a small detail), Shaun (maybe), Matt, Simon, and anyone else around... we were doing a crossword, or finishing a crossword, when an elfin voice piped up an answer, it was a very reasonable answer, quite possibly right, so as any typical male would do in the circumstances, I belittled the elfin voice, a certain CWW, with the reply, 'That would be right, if the was a famous London borough called Hickney...'

And that's the explanation, it's not something I'm proud of, but we all have to live with guilt...

Page last updated on 13th November 1998

Maintained by Julian Fletcher (julian@innocent.com)