Wrestling Match Causes Controversy

Wrestler Treated With Dignity & Respect

Fans were disgusted and the entertainment industry stunned Monday night when it was revealed a wrestling match was not faked.   "Frankly, I'm stunned," said Rich Bastard, owner of two movie studios, a major television network, and 78 radio stations.   An audience member was quoted as saying, "It was disgusting."   The match took place in St. Louis at the Kiel Center. The sold-out event was broadcast live as a pay-per-view event.   A fan explained the sequence of events:     "Two wrestlers came out into the ring.   They were kind to the lady in the ring.   That was fishy too.   First thing I noticed, was she was wearing a floor-length dress, kind of prissy, and her bossoms were covered up pretty well.   Anyway, they said hello, didn't insult her or nothin'.   Didn't even try to rip her clothes off.   That was really odd.   Then, they start the fight on time.  No slapping or talking trash or anything.   Then, they wrestled.   Real wrestling, like in those old black and white tv shows.   You could tell they hadn't even rehearsed, but to make it worse, they didn't talk to each other or pick up on cues or anything.   They tried to avoid piledrivers, turnstiles, and they stayed in the ring!  The announcers weren't maimed, the audience never had to catch anyone thrown out into the seats.   It was so lame!   If this is what they're going to start calling wrestling, I'm staying home and watching The Partridge Family."   The police are looking into allegations of fraud against both the WWF and the WCW for their participation in Monday's event.   According to Missouri law, only televangelists, politicians and the NRA are allowed to swindle the citizens of that state.   Federal crimes may also have been committed, according to USDA spokesman Mrs. Hamm.   "Cross-breeding of swine and humans is illegal."   This incident comes at a time when wrestling is at its peak popularity.  The WWF and the WCW were both beginning to gain credibility due to their recent charitable partnership with a youth league, mirroring the NFL's alliance with the United Way.   The charity group has the dual purpose of providing athletic opportunities for dis-advantaged youth, as well as transforming itself into a "farm system" for potential professional wrestlers.   Known as the Future Retarded Restlers Of America, or Fuh-rar-rar-rah, many parents are bemoaning the unfortunate charges of wrestling.   "If we had known they were going to give up the beautiful choreography and bitch-slapping, we never would have signed our son and daughter up for this," said one parent.