Japan In Turmoil, Nation Seeks Leadership

Created 8 April 2000

The island nation of Japan is in turmoil following days of political distress and geological anomalies.  Mount Usu has been trembling and threatening for weeks, finally blowing its rocky cap and spewing burning crap all over the neighboring Nipponese.  And recently the plucky Prime Minister, Sansui Phooey, ate some bad fish and fell into a coma.   Tensions are mounting among the people, who do not know whether to complain about the volcanic activity or the political conundrum.  One person complained, "I'm so upset.  Should I watch the flowing lava consume my fellow citizens, or worry about who my next leader will be?"   Social experts unanimously agreed.  "Conditions are favorable for Godzilla's return.  A crisis point in Japanese society is inevitable, and the legislative body, the Diet, is very lean right now.  Only Godzilla can save them now," said Nikon Photo, an expert.   Some politicians have besieged Godzilla's last known mate to contact him with an urgent message of national import.   Notyet Nockdup claims no knowledge of the creature's whereabouts.

Mt. Usu Has A Smoke                 Godzilla Lights Up                       Godzilla's Girl, Notyet Nockdup

Godzilla Ignores Social Crisis,
Heads To China To Retrieve Son

Created 15 April 2000

With conditions in his native Japan at catastrophic levels of social distress, Godzilla has announced his priorities: he wants his son, Elian Godzuki, back home in Japan.  The message to Japanese everywhere is clear: even at its worst, Japan is the place to be.  Stocks rose sharply on the news that Japan's future would remain a tourist attraction.	Godzilla In A Crest Commercial
Young Elian Godzuki stowed away on a rice freighter and found himself in China, where the young reptile promptly found his nearest relative, Laslo Tipton.  Laslo fled to China years ago to avoid persecution for his predilection for American electronics, especially the televisions and radios.  Now the owner of the Thirsty Turtle Bar & Rice Grill, Laslo claims the boy belongs in the easy-going political atmosphere of China where electronic predilections are not illegal.	Father & Son Go Monster Midget Wrestling
Further complicating Godzilla's efforts to claim Godzuki are the results of Laslo's nuclear accident, which swelled the turtle to the size of a twenty-story building.  While on a tour of a Chinese nuclear rice plant, Laslo wandered into a control room where an orgy was in progress; he tripped over a penis and fell onto a lever, which when switched off, caused an explosion and released enough radiation to grow Laslo 3,000% larger than his normal shell size.	Tippy Is A Mean Drunk
Known more in the United States for his fund-raising appearances as "Tippy The Turtle" on the television program Saturday Night Live, Laslo has stated that, "Janet Reno herself could not take Godzuki away from me.  She might be the greatest sumo wrestler in the free world, but neither she nor Godzilla will succeed in this mission.  I also advise Johnny Quest and Hadji to abstain from any rescue efforts."	Godzilla's Posse
Godzilla has appealed to NATO for help and potential military back-up.  Tracking Tippy has been made much easier since NATO scientists discovered Tippy's red ball droppings, apparently the result of a radioactive liver.	Tippy Terds, A Chinese Delicacy

Tokyo In Flames As Elian Godzuki Returns; Godzilla Elated

Created 1 May 2000