Michael Jackson Shocks World

11 July 2000

Michael Jackson’s spokesman confirmed yesterday that the pop star is now a white man, after years of flour-and-bleach operations finally had a cumulative effect on the singer’s skin.  The King Of Pop then made a rare public appearance, in which he confessed to a stunned audience that he is, indeed, Britney Spears.   While the implications are mind-boggling, Jackson explained that the “make-over” is part of the process for many musicians.  “You have to keep in mind,” he whispered, “that re-inventing your image is just as important as changing your sound and staying current.  Oooh oooh, shamoah!”   His spokesman added that now Jackson can have all the young male fans he wants, and it's "a dream come true.  Mr. Jackson is planning a big sleep-over to celebrate."   As the news filtered out to music fans everywhere, Jackson’s confession took its toll.  Across America, many white teenage females were found staring into mirrors for hours, wondering aloud in some cases, if they too were actually old black rock stars.   Today, more startling news: Christina Aguilera claims she has discovered that she is indeed Ray Charles.  An hour later, Mandy Moore professed to be none other than Stevie Wonder.  And at the same time, in England, George Michael told reporters he once was Rick James.

Jackson Puts The Moves On Britney Spears