Business as usual today concluded with Internet Geeks and Car Owners flummoxed by two court decisions. The first shot was fired by SBC Communications, in its decision to legally pursue a resolution with Museumtour.com and the website's use of "frames."

Commonly believed to be a simple web innovation using the programming code known as javascript, SBC has played its copyright card. Should SBC continue and win this case, many onlookers are licking their chops and reaching frantically into their briefs. Legal briefs, that is, to follow the precedent this would undoubtedly set.

The second shot was fired, possibly prematurely, by descendants of Henry Ford. With the logic of the SBC cease and desist not lost on these quick wits, ancestors of the inventor of the automobile were in a New York courtroom filing suit against carmakers. All of them. Everywhere. In the entire world.

The details are as such: "In the letter sent to Museum Tour President Marilynne Eichinger, SBC's Harlie Frost, president of intellectual property, pointed out that the Museumtour.com Web site contains tabs pointing to different Web pages within the site, and those tabs are in a frame that does not disappear as a person navigates the site. SBC said those "features (as well as other valuable features) appear to infringe several issued claims" related to certain patents. The company urges Museum Tour to sign up for its licensing program."   (Lisa M. Bowman, Staff Writer, CNET News.com)

As SBC has yet to present any concrete evidence confirming its ownership of copyright, the legal wrangling has only begun. Yet, undeterred, Kent A. Ford argued successfully in court that the automobile is therefore the exclusive property of his great-great-great-grandfather. The motion states that all cars, trucks, vans, SUV's, diesels, tractors, RV's, motorcycles, race cars, high-powered wheel-chairs, and all other combustion-powered engines attached to wheels are therefore derivative works and infringe on Henry Ford's initial patents.

Named as defendants are Chevrolet, Porsche, BMW, Mitsubishi, Saturn, and several others. Oddly enough, Volkswagen was not included. When asked about the omission, Ford sheepishly replied that he "didn't know how to spell it," and planned to ask the judge if the letters "VW" would suffice.

Press releases by several other companies make it clear that both the SBC and Ford lawsuits will be litmus tests for the judicial system. A list of potential cases to follow:

  • AOL plans to sue everyone who has ever uttered the phrase "You've got mail".
  • George Bush plans to assert copyright control and push for compensation from those who have ever repeated his "Bushisms" and laughed about them.
  • The Recording Industry Association Of Assholes, the partner to the Recording Industry Association Of Asshats, is waiting to sue anyone who has every listened to a cd they did not own.
  • The Motion Picture Association Of America plans to sue any person who:
    (A) Knows what the Internet is, OR
    (B) Has not been to a theater in seven days, OR
    (C) Doesn't like mass-produced crap films.
SBC claims it is finding dozens of new patents every hour. "Ever since we moved next to that icemaking factory, Pat Entoff Ice, we've been discovering documents in our basement that show just how truly innovative SBC has been, and the extent of our contributions to American society." SBC spokesman Kirk Meinthass continued, "At this rate, it is not inconceivable that we will own the copyrights to nearly all American products, from rubber nipples to cast iron snatchetwammers."
<-- Previous Radish Article   |   Home   |  Next Radish Article -->