Your Mom Is Hot

I saw her after school the other day
You must be adopted
I said I liked her in that special way
And that’s when you said

You’ll tell my parents and you’ll tell my girlfriend
You say she’s too old but she’s not
You tell me that your dad is gonna kill me
I don’t care because your mom is hot

And now I think about her all the time
I could be your stepdad
’Cause we are both in our sexual prime
try not to get mad

You said that I should stay away
But I’m still calling everyday
I’m gonna ask her on a date
She has no curfew we’ll be late
I think of all the things we’ll do
She’ll help me with me homework, too
I’ll write her songs on my guitar
show her the backseat of my car
I’m gonna take her to the prom
We’re gonna make out on your lawn
I hope she feels the same way too
Has she told you?

I’m gonna get your mom
And I think it would be rad if she’d leave your dad
It’s gotta be your mom
And I know that she wants me
I see the way she taunts me
I hope I get the chance
To get into her pants
It’s gotta be your mom and me
Your mom is hot

Take Over the World

Do what you say
Things will work out someday
You told us lies ’cause we’re still waiting
Not much to choose
We’ve got nothing to lose
Won’t compromise so we’re still waiting

It’s time to pay now
Get out of the way now
We’re gonna take over the world
’Cause you can’t buy us
And you can’t deny us
We’re gonna take over the world
Someday
We’re gonna take over the world
Some day soon

We sacrificed
And we took your advice
But you wrong and we’re still waiting
Postpone your dream
Just take one for the team
Won’t play along and we’re still waiting

And now that we know that it’s a lie
We only wish that you would tell us why
Take it away and give us back the time
’Cause we know it’s not too late
We’re gonna take the world now
And why we waited I don’t know
And why we waited I don’t know
And why we waited I don’t know

And we ignore
Those who have come before
’Cause they’ve all died and we’re still waiting
You said to wait
Sorry, now it’s too late
You fucking lied now we’re not waiting

Bulletproof

The things that you said
Won’t get in my head
Can’t break my defenses
I’ve been burned
So now I’ve turned

Bulletproof
Losing you
Nothing that
I can do
Been shot down
Now I’m numb
This is what
I’ve become
Bulletproof
Losing you
And now nothing’s getting through
Because everything is bouncing off of me

The things that you do
Will never get through
Because they’re deflected
Made of steel
So now I feel

The things that you said
Won’t get in my head
Can’t break my defenses
You can’t save me
Cause I’m dead

Not gonna let you pull the trigger
Not gonna let you shoot me down

Not the one

She’s not the one and I know it’s got to end
How much longer can I pretend?
I’ve got to find the right words to say it now
Know what to do I just don’t know how

What should I say?
Cause I can’t put it off for another day
I know we have come undone
What should I do?
Cause I stop every time I’m gonna follow through
She is not the one
She’s not the one

When I’m alone I think I’ve worked it out
When we’re together I’m filled with doubt
I’ve got to tell her that it’s not meant to be
my indecision’s killing me

I’ve gotta tell her that she’s not the
I’ve gotta tell her that she’s not the
I’ve gotta tell her that she’s not the one

and it looks like now we both agree
cause she just broke up with me
everybody wants the things they lack
now she’s gone and I want her back

Zero

I was so faded
So inebriated
And my thinking wasn’t quite right
And when I first met you
I knew I’d forget you
The furthest I saw was that night

Beer-colored vision
Helped make my decision
Had so much in common with you
What I could not see
Was that you were like me
Because you are a zero, too

Z...E...R...O...

Things don’t add up tonight
‘Cause the answer that we got doesn’t seem right
So I’ll take away you
Because one more zero doesn’t equal two
Now it’s time to divide
‘Cause I can’t see this equation multiplied
What remains is too small
‘Cause you and me are zero after all

Now a day later
I’m seeing much straighter
It looks like you’re not right for me
Can we chalk it up to
Cheap liquor and cold brew
‘Cause it never was meant to be

Z...E...R...O...

I’m a zero
You’re a zero
I’m a zero
You’re a zero
I’m a zero
You’re a zero
He’s a zero
She’s a zero
We’re a zero
We’re a zero, too

Turn It Up

Turn it up
Turn it up
Turn it up
You turn it up

You turn it up
And then you try to tune it out
You turn it on
But you don’t know what it’s about

In surround
Addicted to the sound
You know you’ll never turn it down

You keep it on
Because it’s harder to ignore
You crank it up
’Cause you can’t hear it anymore

No harm
No crime
You won’t do it again until next time
It’s cool
I’m fine
You talk in circles but it’s just a line

You turn around
And now it always follows you
You keep it high
And now it tells you what to do

You turn it on and turn it up…
I feel just like you…

Turn it up
Turn it on
Will you miss it when it’s gone
It’s a circle, not a line
You won’t do it ‘til next time
You turn it, turn it up

Knock me out

You kicked me out again today
I guess I’ll sleep alone tonight
Why don’t you take it all the way
When we fight?
I know you’ll pull me off the floor
Help put my feet back on the ground
But then you’ll push me door
the next round

Put me down then you
Never follow through
I wish you’d make up your mind
but you never do

Knock me out
Don’t just knock me down
Knock me out
Don’t just knock me down
Break it up and then
Stop before the end
You pick me up and knock me down again

So put a bullet in my head
Make this the final round
Because I’d rather just be dead
Then knocked down
Someday you get back in the ring
And then you’ll take another bout
You’ll take the hardest swing and
You’ll be knocked out

I know you’ll pull me off the floor
Put my feet back on the ground
Then you’ll push me out the door
Waiting for another round
I can’t take another bout
Knock me out

Happy Going Nowhere

Start it up and let it go
’Cause where we’re heading I don’t know
Don’t care if we come in last
They say we’re going nowhere fast

They say I’ll grow up soon
Hope I never do
Cause my biggest future plan
Is spending time with you

Happy going nowhere
Going nowhere
Cause I’ve got no expectation
Happy going nowhere going nowhere fast with you
Happy going nowhere
Going nowhere
It’s not about the destination
Happy going nowhere
Going nowhere fast with you

I don’t hake a long-term plan
I don’t have the attention span
If I’m wasting time on you
There’s nothing that I’d rather do

Think I’ll call in sick today
There’s tomorrow anyway
And the plan they tried to share
It didn’t get them anywhere
And they’ll never comprehend
I’ve gotta see this to the end
I know where I’m going to
Nowhere fast with you

Finished at the starting line
I’m going nowhere by design
Happy stuck here by your side
I think I’ll just enjoy the ride

Alone

I’m having thoughts of you
And all the things we’ll do
You and me will always be
Innocent and true

This thing that we have found
Is so deep and profound
I long to be just you and me
With no one else around

Now I wanna be alone
Shut my door and kill the phone
Now I wanna be alone
I’ve set the tone
Gotta finish while there’s no one home

And I don’t know your name
You always look the same
You looked at me so silently
Although you’re not to blame

And they won’t understand
This thing was never planned
I never knew that I’d find you
Inside of my nightstand

Now turn out the lights
Pages turning, pages turning
Each and every night
Stomach churning, stomach churning
While they’re still at work
Feel it burning, feel it burning
I feel like a jerk
Gotta finish while there’s no one home

It was an awful day
When you were thrown away
The garbage man looked in the can
And saw you on display

Although you’ve gone away
I miss you everyday
I won’t forget the day we met
And how we used to play

But I still think of you
Girl on page thirty-two
I’ve got the next issue
What do I do?

Spy Girl

She’s the one
But she’s got a gun
And I hold her hand
She’s got weapons on the nightstand
She travels light
But just at night
Life hasn’t been the same
And I still don’t know her real name

She’s got no business cards
She’s got not address
She’s got no family
No friends to impress
She checks for phonetaps
She lives day by day
And when we break up
She’s gonna blow me away
Her car’s complete
With ejector seat
She’s my chick
Now she’s turning on the oil slick
And she’s at ease
While speaking Cantonese
Knows just what to say
But she doesn’t keep a resume
Sleeps with me
And the enemy
Monogamy must cease
In the name of world peace
And I don’t know
When she’s gonna go
Travels overseas
With a dozen fake IDs
Steady pay
From the CIA
The ATMs I miss
All her bank accounts are Swiss
She plays roulette
On a private jet
And makes my a martini
In her bulletproof bikini

Cartoon

I wanna be a cartoon
Then kids would watch me each afternoon
I’d live inside your TV
The girls are sexy by only 2D

My head would split in two
Next frame I’m good as new and then
I’d swallow dynamite
You know I’d be alright again

I’d draw the things that I need
Anvils by Acme are all guaranteed
Got no opposable thumb
I’d solve the caper although I am dumb

I’ll never age
I’ll never die
My life is sponsored by Eskimo Pie
All that is bad
Is only pretend
Everything always works out in the end

I’d be a sugar-filled snack
I’d be on some kids backpack
I’d be a lunchbox for you
I’d be a convict’s tattoo

All the animals talk
And they stand on two feet
And the Flintstones and Jetsons
Live just down the street
They’d syndicate me in places
Where I’ll never live
And you would have
Gotten away with it, too
If it weren’t for us meddling kids
I wanna be a cartoon

Bachelor Pad

We’ve got a place that we can call our own
We’ve got a place we rent and live there all alone
We’ve got a kitchen no one ever sees
The pizza man knows that we tip for extra cheese
We’ve got a chef, his name is Boy-ar-dee
We wash his meals down with shots and a forty
No plants to water, we don’t own a broom
I think next month we will sublet the dining room

Martha Stewart hates our new decor
We match a sofa to a stain that’s on the floor
And all the married kids, they think it’s sad
Living out our days in a bachelor pad

It’s Friday night and I’m alone again
I saw the floor once but I don’t know when
Empty bottles stacked on dirty socks
My last six meals came out of a can or box
We bounced the rent check and the landlord’s pissed
We made the Health Department’s Ten Most Wanted List
Another ordinary bachelor night
Inflate my girlfriend, go to bed, turn out the light

I wanna live all by myself
I don’t want you
To be there next to me
I wanna live alone
All by myself
Without you

Do You Know the Way to San Jose?

(Music by Burt Bacharach, lyrics by Hal David)

Do you know the way to San Jose?
I’ve been away so long
I may go wrong
And lose my way
Do you know the way to San Jose?
I’m going back to find
Some piece of mind
In San Jose

L.A. is a great big freeway
Put a hundred down and buy a car
In a week or two
They’ll make you a star
Weeks turn into years
How quick they pass
And all the stars
That never were
Are parking cars and pumping gas

Do you know the way to San Jose?
They’ve got a lot of space
There’ll be a place where I can stay
I was born and raised in San Jose
I’m going back to find
Some piece of mind
In San Jose

Fame and fortune is a magnet
It’ll lure you far away from home
With a dream in your heart
You’re never alone
Dreams turn into dust
And blow away
And there you are
Without a friend
You pack your car and ride away

I’ve got lots of friends in San Jose
(Woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah)
Do you know the way to San Jose
(Woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah)
Can’t wait to get back to San Jose
(Woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah)
Do you know the way to San Jose?
(Woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah)

All music and lyrics © 2001 Sarkissian/Rossi, published by BMI, all rights reserved, except for “Do You Know the Way to San Jose,” by Bacharach/David, published by WB Music Corp., ASCAP.