Real Heroes Wear Garterbelts
Upon returning from Krete Menelaos found his household in a state of complete turmoil. Finally finding someone to give him a straight answer about what was going on, he discovered that his wife had taken most of his material possessions and run off with his Trojan houseguests and that his brothers-in- law, Kastor and Polydeukes, had sailed off in pursuit. After a few moments of gibbering incoherence, Menelaos took the same strong action he usually took in a crisis situation. He went to ask his big brother for help.
Agamemnon was deeply distraught by Menelaos’ news. In addition to the personal marital affront given to his brother, there were political repercussions to consider. Menelaos had essentially married into the kinghood of Sparta, and with Helen gone his claim to the throne was tenuous at best. Luckily the Oath of Helen’s Suitors [See Chapter Three] gave the Atreidæ a lever which they could use to get the other Argive kings involved. To restore the family honor Agamemnon sent out heralds to all the kings who had taken the Oath of Tyndareos informing them of what had happened and directing them to make good on their promises by assembling troops at Aulis.
Since Troy was reputed to be one of the wealthiest cities along the Ægean it was not hard to convince most of the Achæan kings to join an army to sack the place. With one exception, all of Helen’s former suitors came to Aulis with ships at their command and dreams of plunder in their hearts. That one exception was Odysseus, king of Ithaka, who didn’t even have the courtesy to RSVP to the summons. The other notable holdout was Achilleus, the son of Peleus and Thetis. He was too young to have been among Helen’s suitors, but even at his tender age was developing a reputation for bloodthirsty mayhem. Kalchas the seer, one of Agamemnon’s chief advisors, prophecized that without the aid of Achilleus, Troy could not be taken. The only catch was that no one knew where Achilleus could be found. He hadn’t been seen at his father’s house in Phthia for some time.
Agamemnon decided to deal with first things first and rein in the wayward Odysseus. Then with Odysseus’ wise council he would be better able to locate the missing Achilleus and convince him to join the expedition. Since sending an ordinary herald hadn’t worked, Agamemnon dispatched the Eubœan prince Palamedes to fetch the king of Ithaka to Aulis.
There was actually a very good reason for Odysseus ignoring Agamemnon’s summons. He just didn’t want to go to Troy. He was married to the lovely Penelope, who had just given him a son, Telemachos. Ithaka was one of the farthest Achæan kingdoms from Troy, so the journey there and back would be especially risky. Life for Odysseus was good, so why should he risk losing everything just because Menelaos couldn’t keep his wife happy?
As soon as Palamedes and his entourage landed at Ithaka Odysseus knew why they had come. In order to convince them he was unsuited for combat duty, Odysseus decided to feign insanity. Waiting until Palamedes was close enough to see what he was doing, Odysseus went out into his fields and started his little act.
First, he yoked an ox and an ass together to a plow. Then with this uneven team he started plowing under his crops with crooked furrows and sowing his field with salt, all the while gibbering incoherently. While most of the members of the embassy were distraught by the apparent madness of Odysseus, Palamedes knew the Ithakan king’s reputation for trickery and thought this was just a little too convincing to be real. To put Odysseus to the test Palamedes went and fetched the infant Telemachos. Waiting until Odysseus came near, Palamedes placed Telemachos directly in the path of the plow. When Odysseus desperately pulled his plow team to a halt he knew that the game was up. Admitting his subterfuge, Odysseus agreed to join the war effort. However, because Palamedes seen through his trickery and had endangered his son for the sake of the war, Odysseus held a personal grudge against the Eubœan prince from that time on.
At Aulis Odysseus was briefed on the Achilleus situation and agreed to search him out with the help of Diomedes, the lord of Argos. The pairing of the clever Odysseus with the lethal Diomedes was an inspired one, and they teamed up later during the war so often that their fellow Argives gave them the nickname "Brains and Bronze". Despite his initial reluctance, once Odysseus was enlisted in the war effort he became the most constant and ruthless advocate of the cause of the war against the Trojans, willing to go to any lengths to insure victory. Since the war needed Achilleus to succeed, Odysseus was resolved to find Achilleus and do whatever it took to sign him up for the cause.
The first place Odysseus and Diomedes searched was Phthia, the home of Achilleus’ father Peleus. In the years since his wedding [see Chapter Four] he had grown estranged from his immortal wife Thetis. After the birth of their son Achilleus, Thetis resolved to remove the taint of mortality from her half-immortal offspring. Some have claimed that she did this by dipping him in the river Styx, leaving only unprotected the part of his heel where she held him. This is, of course, utter nonsense. The night after his birth, and for eight nights after that, Thetis set the infant Achilleus in a brazier burning with celestial fire. This fire would burn out the mortal parts of Achilleus’ flesh, while his mother healed the damage by anointing him with ambrosia. On the tenth night Peleus was awakened by the sound of his son’s wailing. Rising from bed, he searched out the source of the commotion and beheld his wife roasting and basting his son. Crying out, Peleus burst into the room and snatched Achilleus into his arms, toppling the brazier and releasing the celestial fire back to the heavens. Thetis just stared at him with shock, then anger, and finally dismay. She turned on her heel and left Phthia that night, never returning to Peleus’ bed.
Despite the fact that Achilleus wasn’t fully immortal, his mother was a goddess and the ambrosia treatment had left him as nearly godlike as any mortal could hope to be. When Thetis left, Peleus gave the young Achilleus over to Cheiron the centaur to raise. Cheiron was actually accustomed to training and raising young Achæan heroes. He fed Achilleus on fresh honey, the flesh of lions and wild boars, and the marrow of bears, making him grow up strong. The fact that he was never really breast fed could account for Achilleus’ violent tendencies. Like most half-mortal children, Achilleus grew up very quickly and was soon quite accomplished in all the manly arts of war and athletics.
After being raised by Cheiron for a number of years Achilleus entered the tutelage of Phœnix, who taught Achilleus the more civilized behaviors he hadn’t learned living in a cave with a centaur. Phœnix had come to the house of Peleus seeking refuge after he had been blinded by his father Amyntor because Amyntor’s favorite concubine, Phthia, preferred the son’s affections to the fathers. Peleus took Phœnix to Cheiron, who healed him of his blindness. In return for this kindness, Phœnix offered to lighten Cheiron’s teaching load by finishing the education of Achilleus and in this way repaid both Cheiron and Peleus. Achilleus’ constant companion during his instruction under Phœnix was Patroklos, who remained his friend throughout life.
On the eve of Helen’s departure from Sparta with Paris [see Chapter Five], Thetis appeared to Achilleus. She knew what sort of whirlwind was about to be unleashed and didn’t want her son to get caught up in it. She also knew that Achilleus had two possible destinies. He could avoid the Trojan War and stay in Phthia (the place, not the concubine), becoming the father of a large family, dying at an advanced age, and being forgotten soon afterwards. Or he could go to Troy and die while still in the prime of youth, but be remembered forever as the greatest hero of all time. Since you’re reading this story right now you know which choice he made, but Thetis was determined to save her son from death for as long as possible.
Under the pretense of starting a new phase of his education, Thetis convinced Achilleus to go to the island of Skyros and stay with King Lykomedes, who was only too pleased to do a favor for one of the immortals. Once there, Thetis convinced Achilleus that this particular lesson required him to dress up as a girl and live as a young woman amongst Lykomedes’ daughters and their handmaidens. This wasn’t as improbable as it sounds. Achilleus hadn’t started growing a beard yet, and his wavy golden hair and finely chiseled features were somewhat effeminate looking. While he was initially very reluctant to participate in this charade, Achilleus soon warmed to the idea. He found that wearing the fine clothes of a lady of the court made him feel "special" and desirable. Another perk of this situation was that he got to spend a lot of time with a large group of lovely young nubile maidens.
One woman in particular caught his attention. This was Deïdameia, one of the daughters of Lykomedes. Deïdameia, in turn, was quite intrigued with this mysterious new girl, Pyrrha. She was very pretty, but kept to herself most of the time. There was also something peculiar about Pyrrha. Her way of walking was odd, having very little sway, and she had unusually large hands. After several days of observation Deïdameia "discovered Achilleus’ manhood", to use the words of one ancient poet. She must have been quite pleased with the proportions of her discovery because she continued to discover Achilleus’ manhood every night after that. For his part, Achilleus was pleased with the special attention given to him by Deïdameia, and he was also pleased that she was willing to teach him how to behave in a more feminine manner, thus perfecting his disguise. The only thing that disrupted their happy love nest was the fact that Deïdameia became pregnant.
Eventually Deïdameia’s condition became too obvious to conceal, and it was fairly easy for Lykomedes to guess who was responsible for her state. A lot of fathers would consider that their hospitality had been abused by such actions, but Lykomedes was shrewd enough to recognize an opportunity when he saw one. The young man he was sheltering was the son of a powerful king and an even more powerful goddess, so Lykomedes firmly embraced Achilleus and welcomed him to the family, acting as if it were perfectly obvious that Achilleus would now marry his beloved Deïdameia. While such a thing had never occurred to Achilleus, Lykomedes had been kind to him and Deïdameia’s affections were quite enthusiastic, so he agreed. To preserve Achilleus’ disguise the marriage was carried out in secret with only members of Lykomedes’ family and Achilleus’ friend Patroklos, who had accompanied his friend to Skyros, in attendance.
This was the state of affairs when Odysseus and Diomedes went searching for Achilleus. Upon their arrival in Phthia they were unable to find either a trace or a rumor of the young man. Relying on his ingenuity, Odysseus then began to ask after Patroklos, assuming that wherever Achilleus was he would have his best friend with him. Since no one had taken any special care to conceal Patroklos’ whereabouts, Odysseus and Diomedes were soon on their way to the house of Lykomedes in Skyros.
In accordance with the customary laws of hospitality, Lykomedes received his two royal guests with a great feast and much wine and entertainment. His promise to the goddess was stronger than the bonds of hospitality though, so when Diomedes asked after Achilleus Lykomedes had to claim that he had no idea of the young man’s whereabouts. Odysseus, on the other hand, noticed Deïdameia’s pregnant condition and surmised that since she was still living with her father and not in any position of shame that her husband must be nearby. Since none of the young men at the feast appeared to be married to her, her husband was most likely hidden somewhere in the palace. Given all this, it was entirely likely that the father of Deïdameia’s child was the very man that they were seeking. A few innocuous questions about the makeup of the household led Odysseus to the inescapable conclusion that one of Lykomedes’ "daughters" was actually Achilleus. The question remained of finding out which one, though. Despite his careful scrutiny, by the end of the evening Odysseus was still no closer to determining which of the women was Achilleus in disguise.
When Odysseus shared his observations with Diomedes, the latter’s immediate reaction was that they should go back to Lykomedes and demand that he strip each of the women in his household naked until they had uncovered the truth. If he refused, they could come back with troops and force the issue. Sighing inwardly, Odysseus pointed out that they were here to recruit a man for one war, not start another. A more subtle approach was warranted.
After departing the court of King Lykomedes, Odysseus disguised himself as a peddler and returned to the royal palace of Skyros. Being a master of disguise, no one recognized him as their guest of the previous evening. After introducing himself as a seller of exotic wares, he unpacked his bundle of goods. The items he had brought for sale were silk scarves, perfume, distaffs, and Asian dresses. Among these various luxury items he included a shield and spear. While all the women of the household examined the various feminine accouterments, the woman called Pyrrha seemed drawn to the tools of war. To put his observation to the test, Odysseus coughed loudly twice, giving the signal to Diomedes who was waiting outside the gates of the palace Hearing the signal, Diomedes blew loudly upon a war trumpet. When Pyrrha grasped the spear firmly and dropped into a defensive crouch Odysseus knew that they had found their man.
Removing his disguise, Odysseus told Achilleus that he might as well do the same since his actions had already revealed his identity. Odysseus then proceeded to tell Achilleus about the great fleet that was gathering at Aulis to bring war to Troy. This would be an unmatched opportunity for a young man to win glory for his name and fight for the honor of his country. What was more, since the Trojan prince Paris had so egregiously violated the laws of hospitality by eloping with his host’s wife, the Achæans had the benefit of having right on their side. As a final point, Odysseus pointed out that Achilleus’ reputation would suffer greatly if it became known that he was avoiding combat duty by dressing in drag.
Odysseus needn’t have bothered with such a grand picture. Achilleus was getting bored with his life on Skyros and was ready to go as soon as he heard there was a war on. Ignoring the advice his mother had given him and the protestations of his pregnant wife, Achilleus gathered together his belongings and along with his friend Patroklos, embarked for Aulis with Odysseus and Diomedes.