DRAMATIS PERSONAE

A note on spelling: The spellings of the names of persons and places found within this Epic are derived from the Iliad and Odyssey translations of Richmond Lattimore. (Lattimore's translations are some of the best in the English language.) They do not always match up with the "standard" translations of the names, but are usually close enough to be obvious (e.g. Menelaos instead of Menelaus).


THE GODS

Zeus: Son of Kronos, king of the Olympian gods, and total horndog.

Aphrodite: The goddess of love and carnal pleasures.

Apollo: God of prophecy, the sun, medicine, and archery. A "killer god".

Ares: The god of war and one of the few children actually resulting from the marriage of Zeus and Hera.

Artemis: The virgin goddess of the hunt and a "killer goddess".

Athene: Goddess of wisdom, warfare, and handicrafts. She was entrusted with Zeus' thunderbolts when he wasn't using them.

Eris: The goddess of discord. Not to be confused with Eros.

Hades: God of the Underworld and keeper of the souls of the dead. This is not the name of the Greek Underworld over which this god presided.

Hephæstos: The crippled smith-god of Olympos and the son of Hera (possibly by Zeus, but not necessarily).

Hera: Zeus' much-neglected wife.

Hermes: The messenger of the gods.

Poseidon: God of the sea and earthquakes.

Prometheus: A Titan who joined the Olympian gods in their revolt against their parents, the Titans. His name literally means "forethought".


OTHER IMMORTALS

Cheiron: An immortal centaur who served as tutor to many of the greatest Achæan heroes.

Circe: The enchantress of Aiaia who thought all men were pigs and treated them accordingly.

Kalypso: A minor divinity of the sea who made Odysseus her personal "boy toy".

Nereus: A sea spirit with many beautiful daughters (the Nereids), one of whom was Thetis.

Proteus: "The Old Man of the Sea". A shape-shifter par excellence.

Œnone: A nymph who was the lover of Paris before he made the "big time".

Thetis: The sea-nymph who was Achilleus' mother.


MORTALS

Achilleus: The greatest warrior in the Achæan army at Troy.

Æneias: The mortal son of Aphrodite and one of the Trojans' greatest heroes.

Ærope: The wife of Atreus. She didn't love her husband like a brother, but she did love his brother like a husband.

Æthra: Mother of Theseus and Helen's handmaiden.

Agamemnon: The over-king of the Achæans.

Aias: [1] The gigantic son of Telamon of Salamis. [2] The not-so-gigantic son of Oïleus of Lokris. These two men often hung out together at Troy and their fellow Achæans called them "Aiantes" (literally "the Aiases").

Akastos: Laodameia's closed-minded father.

Andromache: Hektor's boringly well behaved wife.

Antenor: The elderly and respected counselor of the Trojan court.

Astyanax: Hektor and Andromache's ill-fated son.

Deïdameia: Lykomedes' cleverest and most uninhibited daughter.

Deïphobos: A son of Priam, a powerful warrior, and Paris' unfortunate beneficiary.

Diomedes: Joint lord of Argos and one of the top ranked Achæan warriors.

Elektra: Daughter of Agamemnon and Klytæmnestra.

Eurypylos: The son of Telephos and Astyoche, and an eventual Trojan ally.

Glaukos: Sarpedon's best friend and second in command of the Lykians.

Hekabe: Priam's queen, and the mother of many (though not all) of his children.

Hektor: Son of Priam and the greatest warrior on the Trojan side.

Helen: The most beautiful and self-centered of all mortal women.

Helenos: A Trojan prince who shared his sister Kassandra's gift, but not her curse.

Hermione: The daughter of Helen and Menelaos. She was abandoned by both her parents during the Trojan War.

Iphigeneia: Ill-fated daughter of Agamemnon and Klytæmnestra, although there were rumors that her parentage was otherwise.

Kalchas: A seer who always seemed to bring bad news, and usually for Agamemnon.

Kassandra: Daughter of Priam and Hekabe. She was both blessed and cursed with prophetic powers.

Kyknos: The nearly invulnerable son of Poseidon.

Laodameia: Wife of Protesilaos and an arts and crafts enthusiast.

Leda: Wife of Tyndareos, mother of Helen, Klytæmnestra, and the Dioscuri, and an unabashed fetishist.

Lykomedes: King of Skyros and enthusiastic alliance-maker.

Machaon: An Achæan warrior and a skilled physician.

Menelaos: Agamemnon's less accomplished brother and Helen's first husband.

Neoptolemos: Achilleus' son from his transvestite days.

Nestor: The original "grumpy old man".

Odysseus: The cleverest (and possibly most ruthless) of the Achæan kings.

Orestes: Agamemnon and Klytæmnestra's son, caught in the crossfire of his parents painful separation.

Palamedes: The cultured prince of Euboea, and one of the few Achæans who could compete with Odysseus in cleverness.

Paris: The wayward son of Priam and Hekabe, and the best looking mortal man of his generation. Sometimes he goes by the name "Alexandros".

Patroklos: Achilleus' best friend (and possibly more).

Peirithoös: Theseus' good friend and partner in crime.

Peleus: A second-rate hero who managed to score a first-rate wife, the nymph Thetis.

Pelops: The father of Atreus, Thyestes, and most of the kings of the Peloponnese.

Penelope: The final peril faced by Odysseus on his return.

Philoktetes: A good friend of Herakles and the inheritor of his bow.

Phoenix: Achilleus' mortal teacher.

Podalirios: An Achæan warrior and skilled physician.

Priam: The king of the Trojans. Originally named Podarkes.

Protesilaos: Prince of Phylake and the first Achæan to land at Troy.

Sarpedon: Mortal son of Zeus, Lord of the Lykians, and one of the Trojans' strongest warriors.

Telamon: A buddy of Herakles and father of one of the Aiantes.

Telephos: The son of Herakles and king of Mysia.

Telemachos: Odysseus' introspective son.

Thersander: Prince of Thebes and hero of the battle of Mysia.

Theseus: The king of Athens and a dirty old man.

Thyestes: The brother Atreus never wanted.

Tlepolemos: The son of Herakles.

Troilos: Hekabe's youngest son, presumably by Priam but some claim Apollo was his father.

Tyndareos: King of Sparta and husband of Leda. He had to put up with a lot from his wife and kids.


The Great Trojan Epic

Croesos the Classicist:
Chapter One: The Feast at Thyestes
Chapter Two: Leda and the Swan
Chapter Three: Helen's Suitors
Chapter Four: The Wedding of Peleus
Chapter Five: Menelaos Makes a Mistake
Chapter Six: The Mobilization of the Achæans
Chapter Seven: The Honeymoon of Helen and Paris
Chapter Eight: Problems at Aulis
Chapter Nine: The Voyage to Troy
Chapter Ten: Lost in Asia
Chapter Eleven: The Achæan Landing
Interlude: Achæans Battle Tactics
Chapter Twelve: The Attack of Kyknos
Chapter Thirteen: Odysseus’ Revenge