I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep. That's deep 
enough. What do you want; an adorable pancreas?
--Jean Kerr

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
--Abraham Lincoln

Managing is getting paid for home runs someone else hits.
--Casey Stengel

Familiarity breeds contempt--and children.
--Mark Twain

Abstract art:  A product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the 
utterly bewildered.
--Al Capp

Egotist:  A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
--Ambrose Bierce

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
--Fred Allen

By working faithfully 8 hours a day you may eventually get to be a boss and work 12 hours a day.
--Robert Frost

A conservative is a fellow who thinks a rich man should have a fair deal.
--Frank Dane

If you're not confused, you're not paying attention.
--Wall Street Week

If only God would give me a clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
--Woddy Allen

The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously.
--Nicholas Murray Butler

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
--Robert M. Hutchins

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
--Stephen Leacock

We pay for the mistakes of our ancestors, and it seems only fair that they should leave us the money to pay with.
--Don Marquis

We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.
--Bill Vaughan

There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.
--Spencer Tracy

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
--Woody Allen

Every man who is high up likes to think he has done it all himself, and the wife smiles and lets it go at that.
--J.M. Barrie

The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously.
--Hubert Humphrey

Children are a great comfort in your old age; and they help you reach it faster, too.
--Lionel Kauffman

Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.
--Thomas La Mance

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
--John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester

Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman, but believing what he read made him mad.
--George Bernard Shaw

You should have thought of all this before you were born.
--N.F. Simpson

I never give them hell. I just tell the truth, and they think it is hell.
--Harry Truman

All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.
--Grant Wood

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work...I want to achieve it through not dying.
--Woody Allen

Every man who is high up likes to think he has done it all himself, and the wife smiles and lets it go at that.
--J. M. Barrie

A committee is the only known form of life with a hundred bellies and no brain.
--Robert A. Heinlein

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
--Ambrose Bierce

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
--Winston Churchill

Snobs talk as of they had begotten their own ancestors.
--Herbert Agar

Committee--a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
--Fred Allen

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
--Robert Frost

The noblest of all dogs is the hot dog; it feeds the hand that bites it.
--Robert W. Chambers

Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
--Earl Wilson

There is no accounting for tastes, as the woman said when told her son was wanted by the police.
--Fraklin P. Adams

In the fight bewteen you and the world, back the world.
My little old dog: A heart-beat at my feet.
--Edith Wharton

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.
--Sidney J. Harris

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.
--W. C. Fields

The mostI can do for my friend is simply to be his friend.
--Henry David Thoreau

A faithful friend is a strong defence: and he that hath found such a one hath found a treasure.
--The Apocrypha

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
--Henry Wheeler Shaw

A "dog's life" is a pleasant life indead!
--Berton Braley

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in good weather and ask for it back again when it begins to rain.
--Robert Frost

Only a mediocre person is always at his best.
--Somerset Maugham

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just stand there.
--Will Rogers

If you don't konw where you're go ing, you'll probably end up somewhere else.
--Laurence J. Peter

To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, you're over doing it.
--J. Jenkins