Mama worked hard all her life. As a small girl, she worked out in the field on her parents farm plus helping with raising her brothers and sisters. After getting married, she worked most of her life in a cotton mill and other industries. She didn't have slow down or quit in her vocabulary. Not only did she work at a full time job, she would come home and work in her beloved flowers and vegetable garden until it got too dark to see. She "retired" briefly in 1981 to look after my dad when he became sick. After my dad passed away in 1982, she went to work with Council on Aging working 4 hours a day 5 days a week.

The change in mama began in the early part of 1992. I knew very little at that time about Alzheimer's. I knew only that people with it were very forgetful and sometimes wandered off and would get lost. When I suggested she go to her doctor to be checked for it, she became extremely upset with me for even suggesting such a thing. I let it slide and said nothing more about.

In August of 1992, mama was terminated from Council on Aging because she had started getting unstable on her feet and falling. It was hard for mama , who had worked all these years, to give it up. She was not a quitter and in September of 1992, she went to work for the Center For Independent Living working 3 days a week. She did not love this job as she had with Council on Aging and she started acting more strange. She would forget what days she was supposed to work and started writing little notes down to remind herself. I tried to talk her into quitting and continue to stay with us in our home. I really believe she was scared of a life not having a job___something she had had all her life. It wasn't that she needed a job (which she didn't need staying with us), it was more of a security blanket so she would not feel useless without one.

Mama started getting more forgetful. If mail came in, she would get it and "stash" it in a "safe place", and when you asked her if she knew where the mail was, she would not know. She was forever hiding something and then we would spend hours helping her try to find what it was she had hidden. Trying to find Reid's monthly payroll check and other important mail was getting to be a problem. We would find things in her room, in cabinets, in the refrigerator, and other places, but she did not remember having taken them. We stopped asking her after awhile because we knew she would not know and we just searched until we'd find whatever it was she had taken.

People were telling me that it sounded like the beginnings of Alzheimer's and they told me stories of people they knew that had AD and how devastating the disease was. The more I heard and learned about Alzheimer, the more I became scared and I begin to deny it. Nevertheless, on March 4, 1993, I made an appointment with a neurosurgeon for her. I wanted to prove it wasn't Alzheimer's......that it was depression or perhaps a mini-stroke. After all she was crying a lot then and holding my dad's picture and other actions that resembled depression. After having a C.A.T. scan, the doctor told me that based on the scan and other symptoms, it was her opinion that she did have Alzheimer's. She emphasized that only after death and after having an autopsy could it be verified. Even after hearing her professional opinion, I still kept denying it. I held on to my hope that it was depression, a reversible condition which could be treated and cured with proper therepy and medication.

I had the doctor prescribe something for depression for my mother, which did not help much at all. Several months went by and I could no longer deny the dreadful disease that was destroying the mother I loved so dearly was indeed Alzheimer's. In accepting it, it was like I didn't get a chance to say good-bye to my loving mother. It was like the mama I knew was dead and a stranger was living in her body now because the disease had progressed so rapidly. The months and years to follow became a "hell" on earth. Although I lashed out at the Lord in anger a couple of times, it was through Him and through my family that I held on to my Faith. It is this faith in God and support from family that gives the Caregiver the courage and strength to take One Day at A Time.

Our next pages will cover our "Cycle of Emotions with an Alzheimer's victim". The question is, who is the victim? Also, we have selected what we felt are informative tips and helpful links relating to Alzheimer's.