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In the States everyone knows what happened in Vietnam, unfortunately in Britain the facts are a bit blurred. That's why I thought I'd jump in before the VC scum and set the record straight.
I personally was in the 'Nam and to say it was bad would be to lie. It was good, or rather, we were good. Napalm has got to be one of the greatest inventions ever. A well trained GI can use it to great aesthetic effect. I once destroyed a whole village after a particularly spectacular piece of flying. In fact it was just before I was...
...captured! Those endless months. Filthy foreign bastards. No compassion. They fed me worms, dead worms. All cold and rubbery. They called them noodles, of course. But they didn't fool me. But that's all in the past now...
...well, tactics, that was the key. We had the best, obviously. All the yellow skins could muster were a few kids in tunnels. Kids! We soon sorted them out. Two pounds of Semtex up their butt and they stopped squealing.
That's another thing. Their language. So strange, like little aliens. I was told that aliens were around during the 'Nam. They said it was UFO's, sighted near VC stations. They must have been in...
...that prison! Those little eyes, and long fingers. Probing, always probing. Up my butt, in my eyes. They cut me... CUT ME OPEN for Christ's sake! They used me, and chucked me away like a cheeseburger cartoon, to lie in the sun and bake like a ripe turnip. Bastards, bastards...
...Guns, they were great. I had a favourite, everyone did. The M-134 General Electric Minigun. Maximum soft target take down. Beautiful. I was once told by a fellow marine that gore patterns are fractal. You know, when they spray into the air. Fractal. I dunno what it means, though.
You should never underestimate the price we paid for victory. Many good men died. I even saw...
...my own best friend. DIE!! The bullets spewing from my muzzle like a sex starved rhino. The body, jerking with every impact. Ripped to shreds. I killed him. I KILLED HIM. JIMMY, NOOOOOO..........
Sadly, Dystopian Society has the unfortunate duty inform readers of the suicide of J. Edgar Hoover. He was a great man, a true jingoist.
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