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Ten years of secrecy have been uncovered after a daring raid by Society reporters.
As British law laid down in 1911 documents are released into the public domain after thirty years. However certain persons within the government have conspired to keep a dark and terrible secret from the uneducated masses. The mystery starts in a damp, Putney council flat during 1990.
Mad Ramblings
The tenant, Mr Julian Greenfieldsite, was looking through the previous owners belongings and found a leather bound case containing memos, photos, reports, an OHP slide and childish doodles. These seemed to show major events had been falsified by a giant, Cabinet backed, organisation called The Ministry of Conspiracy.
Believing these to be the work of an overactive imagination he ignored them until July 1994 when a fat bloke in the pub let slip that the Macmillan administration often used to dump sensitive files in the homes of retards. Further investigation revealed that the previous owner was popular entertainer Noel Edmonds, so there was a real chance that the flat was a scandal-ridden document dumping ground.
Objection
A quick phone call to the Society was all that was needed to set the wheels of justice in motion. With junior staff dispatched to the Chiswick Public Records Office to find out any details that had been carelessly left around. Unfortunately their lack of training meant nothing was discovered. Top hack, Josef Iranononovitch, infiltrated the House of Commons disguised as Nicholas 'Fatty' Soames. Here he was able to wring the truth from top Cabinet Minister Ron Davies, who was later to resign in mysterious circumstances.
The Truth is Out Here
Take your mind back to London, 1960, the beginning of an era where 60" bell bottoms were considered the height of fashion and Elvis was still alive. It was this change in the tide of public opinion that led to the founding of the Ministry. Harold Macmillan first had the idea when he was being spanked by a dominatrix in Soho. His vision was of a group of highly focused people who dreamed up elaborate hoaxes and stories to cover up the dark side of modern politics. The first time it did anything major was when it dreamt up the JFK affair. The President had contacted Harold and asked if he knew of anyway in which he could resign from Office and play the blues circuit in the Deep South without any loss of face.
When Macmillan himself wanted resign later in the same year the Profumo affair was staged to great effect. Over the next thirty years wars, disasters and even television programmes were brought to the public as smokescreens for the illicit shenanigans of the political elite.
Just Bite Me
With all this we don't have a problem, if public figures want to play the blues then who are we to stop them, but the real scandal comes within our own lifetime. The Conservative governments of Thatcher and Major were obliged under the thirty rule (1958) to divulge this information into the public domain. But did they? Did they hell! They shoved it all under a particularly expensive handmade rug.
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