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Only yesterday were the ideals of a generation smashed into the dust like sinners under the heel of the Lord.
Whilst travelling across the Mid-West of America, British tourists Joan Simmons and Ray brown, witnessed a spectacular sight. Luckily, Ray as able to capture the image on his camera. While some right thinking Christians may have had doubts over whether God would show up on film, this was not a problem for the two Brits. They originally thought it was just another American theme show. "They really know how to put on a good show. It's really clever, having a chicken appear in the sky, it being Kentucky," said Joan.
Unimpressive
After the initial confusion it was officially recognised as God. The general consensus is that he is appearing to combat the bad press the Church has been receiving recently. This includes homosexual Clerics, molesting Fathers and murderous Nuns. Leading members of the clergy have asked the Britons to hand over the copyright on the photos and negotiations will begin in the near future, as they are currently busy touring the Gospel cable shows that are so inexplicably popular in America.
The local, however, remain unimpressed. "I git ma chickens from ol' Billy-Joe, they ain't no different." This opinion is widespread, even though this is the most religious part of the country.
Men wise in such matters inform us that this is because they believe that God is not a chicken but a pig. It is common for Mid-Westerners and Deep Southerners to marry farm animals, the pig being No. 1 in such matters.
Theology
Concern has spread among religious circles over the matter of whether God merely manifested himself as a chicken or if he really is a chicken. This question is not easily answered and has resulted in a good many hours of Bible reading. The information has caused a drastic change in the way we see God. It seems, through several mistranslation from the Greek to Old English, God was changed from a Chicken to a Sack of Turnips until finally becoming humanoid. This also sheds doubt on the part that says God made man in his own image. It appears to have been made up by a Cardinal of Pope Alexander VI.
Sceptics also say that God did not, in fact create the Earth, their reason? Chicken's can't make anything, they don't have hands. This poses the problem: that the picture wasn't actually real and was just a composite picture of a chicken and a landscape. "Absolutely fanciful, I've never heard anything so preposterous," said George Carey, Arch Bishop of Canterbury. He believes the Chicken to be God but he says it won't change his life, or that of his three Filipino wives.
It is possible, though highly unlikely, that this is not actually a digitally edited picture or a manifestation but a mass hallucination. This theory was postulated by Dr. Brian Cowboy and has since been rejected by absolutely everyone.
Utter Bullshit
Clearly all these happenings are a little far-fetched and strange. At the Society we want to know how it will affect Joe Plainboringmaninthestreet. Unfortunately no-one had heard of the chicken photo. "What's a chicken?", "No comment" and "I don't know who you are but just get out of my car" were three of our inconclusive results.
Remember, if you see a giant bird in the sky, it might just crap on your head.
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