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As the millennium draws closer stupid behaviour is becoming increasingly prevalent; and not just among students.
Top military scientists have launched a new scheme, code-named InterClone 2000™, which aims to clone the entire cabinet many times over by 2003.
Work began in early 1996 after a team of crack commandos stole Dolly the Sheep for analysis. Initial attempts ended in horrific, though highly amusing, disasters.
At this time the security on the project was extremely tight, but in mid-96 disaster struck. Five clones of Douglas Hurd escaped and formed the Spice Girls.
Apocalyptic
When the Society received word of this scheme our first thought was 'Why?' We asked that very question to Peter Mandelson and he replied, rather unhelpfully, 'Why what?'
Fortunately, through the aid of a leaked document, we were able to ascertain that, if the Cabinet were to be killed, cloned replacements could be wheeled in to avert any cases of Post Government Death Syndrome.
In the short term, however, the clones will be used to make the politicians seem more human. This impossible task was originally licensed off to Jim Henson's Creature Shop. Unfortunately they all came back singing Country and Western songs about the alphabet.
Apologetic
The project suffered major setbacks in May 1997 because the Cabinet changed. Suddenly they had a warehouse full of unskilled workers. In an effort to reclaim lost profits they hired them out an extras agency and can sometimes be seen cleaning windows in low-budget porn flicks.
Work began immediately on the new ministers, and within months a trial run was possible.
A Tony Blair was sent to an official function to give a dinner speech. At this time intelligent conversation was not implemented, but this was not seen as a major problem. The general opinion was that people wouldn't notice. There were still a few bugs to iron out, however, because the pre-recorded speech jammed halfway through, causing the same joke to be repeated thirty-five times. It says something for the amount of drink consumed because the diners laughed uproariously every time.
Epileptic
After months, and many embarrassing faux pas later, a fully-functioning Tony Blair successfully conducted the Northern Ireland peace talks, even taking time out to play golf with the president. And you thought that Tony was a natural golfer! As we gaze, bleary-eyed, into the future we can be safe in the knowledge that no matter how many times Saddam nukes us we will always have someone to complain to.
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