|
After months of relentless pressure from various pressure groups a change in the law concerning euthanasia.
Under the new system anyone believed to be irredeemably senile or disabled beyond all reasonable hope can be shot at dawn.
Antiquated
This news will come as a great relief to many families who will at last be able to unburden themselves of crippled or demented relatives.
One such case is that of Bernard Jones (pictured) who has been surgically attached to his crutches. The family complain that they have to pay, on average, £10 a year in Ronsil costs.
As one of the first to be killed, Bernard will have to drink himself into a drunken stupor or pump himself full of barbiturates because the law specifies that only junkies and alcoholics can be slaughtered.
Shot Full Of Wholes
Charities such as Help The Aged have claimed that killing the senile is murder but they have been told, in a firm and authoritarian voice, that the minds of these people is a jumbled up mess of war memories and cricket statistics from 1964.
The situation was in danger, last night, of becoming another Pro-Lifer - Pro-Abortion style guerrilla war. However, fears we laid aside after a bomb destroyed the headquarters of all interested parties. The IRA, PLO and CSA have all claimed responsibility, though sources indicate that it was the Child Support Agency's work.
Lost Agenda
The main proponents of the reforms, unfortunately, were not hurt and continue to spar with each other.
However much you feel affected by this just remember: If you're getting old dye your hair black, wear Bermuda shorts and shout insane things at people like 'Word!'.
|
|
