|
After a particularly quiet day in Westminster the whole city was shocked as Jack Straw gate crashed the Six O'clock News to publicise his new scheme. He read out his five directives before being bundled off the show by burly security guards.
The new moves will, amongst other things, pave the way for lower taxes, increased job security and cleaner public lavatories. Some human rights activists have complained but were soon shut up when threatened with unemployment.
Shoot Me Bitch
One group of people who did have a valid point were National Heritage who say that the scheme will destroy typical English values such as the 'Throwing Things at Drunk on Public Transport' and 'Laughing at People With No Homes'. These past times have now been removed from National Heritage's Bumper Book of Things To Do.
Don't be disappointed if you don't think you can cope without these things because there're still plenty of worthwhile stuff left, such as 'Killings Germans', 'Killing Gays' and 'Killings Each Other'.
Learn My Peoples' Ways
But the real crunch of the matter is whether the wishy-washy PM will let the Bill through parliament. One of the more sensitive areas is the proposal that all unemployed people will wear a small badge shaped like a giant pointing hand with the caption 'It's you!'. The reason for the controversy is that the badges will be yellow, and hence clash with the grungy colours of the unemployed's faces.
Tony Blair is expected to shunt the Bill through parliament via the cloisters so as to avoid any unnecessary interruptions of the 'Free The Weatherfield One' campaigns.
Add Infinight Um…
Some MPs have openly called for a rethink on the proposals, even some from Labour, but they seem to have disappeared over the last few days, and a series of unidentifiably destroyed bodies have been found floating in the Thames. But who're we to draw conclusions from that?
|
|
