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A survey published yesterday detailed an alarming rise in the National Average of Gambling Wagers, this survey has been conducted annually since 1983.
The new figures show that since 1994 (National Lottery's first year) the average bet per person has risen from 29p to £3.87. The critics of the National Lottery say this is so because small times betters often go on to 'hard bets', they say this accounts for the rise because people become acclimatised to the gambling 'scene' and need bigger bets to fuel their addiction.
Pervasive
Leading industrial experts, whose names cannot be revealed for legal reasons until their trial for revealing trade secrets is over, have informed us that betting machines only pay out money to people they like. This strange term is used to cover the tests the machine performs on hopefuls to decide whether or not they are attractive enough to win.
Confidential reports have come into our honest hands reporting that reputable London Casinos have been accepting gamblers' wives and children as payment for debts. Also, less well known betting shops have been known to take bets on seemingly innocent subjects, thus polluting them for the enjoyment of other, less mean-spirited, souls. Some of these include predicting the next child to fall from the playground roundabout, how many OAP's are going to write to the local paper and which Ford model will next lend its name to a pornographic magazine.
Psychiatric
Although most people don't consider themselves addicted to gambling it has been proven that 3 in 7 people suffer from a syndrome known as Naturally Addictive Personalities, these people have a subconscious need for potentially harmful pastimes or sometimes even substances. Like drugs. One man who has had therapy to overcome this problem after betting £10 with his mate that he could overcome his drinking problem only to become addicted to gambling.
Public Backlash
Angry villages stormed a race track in protest of the betting. They broke into the ground and slaughtered seventeen horses to make sure that they would be noticed by the press.
One villager was interview. "I am very angry. People become… Er… I am very angry."
But more to the point is the savagery that took place when animal rights activists stormed the course and launched an animated assault on the other protestors in a pitched battle in the car park.
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