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Dr. Sven Ødelbuegen, Swedish of origin, joyfully put forward his theory papers to the government today, requesting a grant to continue research into his "incredible discovery". The bio-physicist happily explained that, after many years of hard labour, he has perfected the state of 'inodability'.
Dr. Ødelbuegen's odyssey of scientific revelation started in 1992 when he and his lab partner Dr. Huubålweidie were investigating the pigments in human skin. Believing he had created a technique that could bleach these pigments, a method involving the use of the highly volatile element Joliotium, Dr. Ødelbuegen tested it on his partner. He recalls clearly his surprise when, before his eyes, Dr. Huubålweidie started disappearing.
Senseless
"It was quite remarkable," the doctor muses. "Amid much screaming and howling I clearly saw my partner's body vanish completely as a line of searing purple flame passed over it. I thought I'd discovered invisibility. It was only after intense studying and vain attempts to find his invisible self that I concluded Dr. Huubålweidie had actually really burnt up."
However, despite this minor upset, Dr. Ødelbuegen continued his work on bleaching process, which he dubbed 'The Ødelbuegen Technique'. Progress was slow; Joliotium is not easy to experiment with, as it only exists for three seconds. Eventually, though, the good doctor tamed The Ødelbuegen Technique so that it only affects dead cells and sweat - the parts of our body that produce our smell. Applying The Technique to himself he was ecstatic to find that he had become completely smell-less.
Romantic
"It's a fantastic leap for science. I am completely odourless! I can't be smelt… at all! Isn't that unbelievable?"
"Is that all it does?"
"Well, yes… Um…"
Dr. Ødelbuegen will hear whether his application for a grant will be accepted next Tuesday. He is currently being pre-emptively sued by several major deodorant companies.
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