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Yes, that's right, not 'red' or 'head' (of Microsoft) or anything but actually dead. Here are the facts as the Society has them.
The multi-billionaire computer nerd with dodgy dress sense was assassinated as he disembarked from his private jet "Microlear" at JFK airport. CNN cameras, which most fortuitously just happened to be passing through the restricted admittance zone, caught the whole event on camera. Gates fell off the staircase in a comic clip that has been reserved for It'll Be Alright On The Night 23. One of his head advisers Tim Weissman was also hit in the attack. As they both lay on the ground and paramedics arrived, alas too late, Bill's last words were reported to be: "Tim, live . . . live for Windows 98".
Byte Me
There are several theories about the motives of the unknown assassin. One popular idea is the Inside Corporate Mutiny theory - that some Microsoft subordinate shot Bill so that shares would plummet whilst he retired and sold his to make a princely profit. Since everyone on the board of directors at Microsoft owns substantial shares they have all been taken into custody. No-one has been found guilty though they're all being detained "in the interest of the social skills of the American Nation". This does still leave the question of Microsoft stocks dragging the market down, which might get some stockbrokers worried. Said a spokesman for Wall Street: " 'Worried' isn't the word. 'So scared we can hardly keep from pissing ourselves' is nearer the mark".
Legal Insanity
One theory that has received much hype over the Internet is the Hacker Conspiracy theory. Several 'rebel' organisations of hackers, such as the "Black Circuit Brotherhood", the "Cyber-Assassins" and the "Super-Highwaymen" have all claimed to be responsible for Bill Gates' murder as a "strike against corporate oppression, dude".
A memo left on the FBI database by one such loser says, "Yeah man! He's dead, man! Computers rule! Hackers rule! Whooo!" However current historians point out that, for a hacker to assassinate Bill Gates, they would be required to leave their computers for several minutes. This is highly unlikely. Several arrests have nevertheless been made, but all suspects have withered when exposed to sunlight.
The Great God Bill
Some devout 'Microsofties' go on proclaiming Bill's goodness, even though Windows '95 is blatantly worse than 3.1. They believe that Gates isn't dead, that he has merely 'crashed' and that, if we just leave him in a cool place for a few hours and then reboot him, he'll be fine.
Mmm, yeah
Dystopian Society exclusive! Unofficial footage given to us in supreme confidence reveals that Bill Gates was actually shot by an irate customer of Microsoft who couldn't get Windows '95 to install. A lone figure in the crowd yelling "Not compatible with Macs, you bastard!" just before the shot rings out seems to support this.
Oh, and some philanthropist bloke died too, but nobody cares.
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