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A nation's grief was changed in a flash to anger and resentment of a judicial system. The nation in question; the US, the judicial system, Britain's.
The cause of this outrage was the acquitting of Hank Borzworski from his charge of quadruple infanticide. Originally found guilty and sentenced to fifteen years inside with no parole for ten years, he was freed after an unprecedented move by Judge Miller Von Smallenhausen, the noted EU human rights specialist, in which he announced over the internet that he had reduced the sentence to a 50p fine and no pocket money for a month.
"They know I did it, but the British people have judged me. I stand by their decision, I don't get pocket money anyway." This statement was issued by Mr. Borzworski through his solicitor after the verdict.
Silly Bastards
This strange turn of events, not normally associated with the hard-nosed British criminal system, came about after the case was televised. Due to British law this was only shown on US cable channels, which then sold highlights back to the BBC.
The viewing public keenly watched these edited highlights and soon formed the decision that Hank was innocent despite the evidence to the contrary.
Prosecuting barrister, Mitchell Y. McDeer QC, was outraged at the U-turn, "Just because Sun readers watching edited portions believe that he is innocent, they are wrong. I have sat through the whole damn case. Compulsive viewing, it ain't.
"I have seen the video from a CCT camera which clearly shows Hank bludgeon a small child to death. I know it was him because he moons at the camera, and his spotted backside matches this perfectly."
Yankee Doodle Dandy
The case has been condemned by many countries, particularly the Father of Justice; America. The US government has issued a statement to the effect that "We believe that the man should go down. To paraphrase something said in conjunction with the OJ Simpson double murder trial, 'Hank Borzworski Did It.'" The case has also shocked the American people who, in stark contrast to the British public, are convinced of his guilt and are out for blood. Already there has been 42 murder attempts, all failed dismally, including one to float Hank Borzworski into the upper atmosphere where he "would be out of harm's way", failed to get off the ground.
Promotion
Dystopian Society, ever at the forefront of investigative journalism, has instigated a new campaign. You can signal your support for Hank Borzworski's acquittal by wearing a yellow looped ribbon, available for £5.00 on 0891 666 666. Alternatively, you can signal your eternal hate for British justice and carbon monoxide poison yourself by taking a hosepipe from your exhaust into your car.
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