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After the shocking death of Bill Gates last week cries for justice have echoed around America. 'Who was this foul demon who took away one so powerful, yet so kind. He who would give us free internet browsers is dead.' However there have been some who shout yet louder. The moral guardians of the right have declared that they will be using everything in their upper-middle class power to create the State of Billdom.
The new region would start out on an island in the South Pacific before relocating to larger premises currently called Luxembourg. When the necessary infrastructure is in place there will be a further move to South Dakota, which will then assume the name of Billdom. This would have the knock on effect that North Dakota would be renamed 'The One Next To Billdom'.
Celebration
The mass grieving and public displays of emotional incontinence parallel last years 'Diana epidemic', which incurred the wrath of many television viewers across England and the rest of the UK. People have been seen openly crying in the streets. "He was a great man… I bought a new joystick last month and installed it under Windows 95, it ran straight away, I was so impressed." June Mills was not the only person who was impressed by Microsoft's quality product range. The well specified Works 95 package provided many old people with hours of fun. Helen Daniels, Australia, said "Typing was great fun. I'm a bit slow and decrepit so the speed wasn't a problem. I liked the way it treats you like a small, and extremely stupid, child. You see, I'm a bit senile."
Other people were less kind: "The programs were shit." This rather sad, and probably misinformed, opinion came from my frustrated neighbour. He believes Bill Gates was the devil, and that Christ came to kill him. Sometimes he even claims to have been the killer… mind you, they've taken him to an institution now.
Senti-Mentality™
Other people, inevitably, have jumped onto the already overloaded bandwagon to sing his praises and launch a cash-in product. The Marketing Director of a large networking company had been releasing defamatory statements like a bad case of the squits but he now will be selling a 'Multimedia Experience of Bill Gates Himself ( featuring actual recorded sound stolen from Encarta ). Genuine sentimentality or just pure hypocrisy?
This sad, and sorry, week has not yet ended and rumours are beginning to fly around. Was Bill Gates the Second Coming? Did he die to save our souls? Was he really a man? We can never know. ( Well, we could exhume his body for the last one… no, that's a bit sick. )
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