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The small, and oft overlooked, principality of Monaco was the site of one of the most monumentous declarations in the twentieth century. The retributional war will be fought to regain honour lost after France tested its first nuclear weapons in Monte Carlo around 1954.
The ruler-in-capacitated, Prince Rainier issued the following statement via telegram as part of some strange Gallic joke, which we don't get. "On the day of March 1954 STOP The Nation of France did reduce honour becoming unto the Smaller Nation of Monaco STOP They shall recoup just and swift retribution for said acts by virtue of the ubiquitous nuclear warhead STOP They have already been delivered via UPS STOP And will be there on the next working day STOP"
Vicious Malshaven Fools
At the last official notification in 1967 the Army of Monaco consisted of six Regulars and a Donkey (plus a cart on Sundays). Though a fair representation of the approximate size of the army the donkey may have become full time. Yesterday France was defiant, saying that Monaco represents no threat. The story today, however, far different. A series of three unidentified packages have arrived via UPS this morning, and subsequently have been given to bomb disposal experts to prod until they explode.
Humour Me
The rest of the world's reaction to the declaration is typical, splitting into two groups: Those that support Monaco and those that don't care. Not one single country has admitted supporting France, such is their image after South Pacific testing a few years ago. The United States of America, however, has said that it may let France use its sex offenders as cannon fodder if all out war is declared. Others, such as Britain, Germany and Australia, are expected to follow the US line. The Dutch, however, have said that if their going free, they'll have some.
Kiss It
Tomorrow we are expecting Prince Rainier to symbolically wipe his arse on the French Tricolore as a gesture of his goodwill.
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