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Joystick jockeys the world over swapped their Internet connections for shell suits yesterday; gathering outside Harrods in eager anticipation of the launch of IBM's latest software revelation.
The 'Virtual Girlfriend - 2000' (RRP £44.99) is the latest effort by a major software house to minimise the amount of time users need to spend away from their machines while attempting to give them a (virtual) social life.
The finished game features digitised images of real girls: from Melinda Messenger (for the seasoned gamer) through to Maureen from Driving School (for the more insecure), and a range of difficulty levels, affecting how funny the girls find your jokes, what they think of your dress sense, and whether they fancy your mates.
Scoring
Points are gained by choosing appropriate remarks, invitations out, jokes or gifts from a pull-down menu... but skill is needed not to sound like a (virtual) creep. The action is set over nine levels, starting Outside The School Gates and ending In The Bedroom, all complete with suitable end-of-level bosses: the Night-club, for example, sees you doing battle with Some Big Bloke Who Wants Your Bird, while desperately trying not to get your glasses broken. Game ends when she realises you're a jerk and dumps you - although, in time-honoured video game tradition, you get three lives.
Internet groups gave the story a cautiously welcome reception last night, although many expressed reservations. 'A significant proportion of our members', remarked Kenneth Digweed of the Devon & Cornwall Chat Group (digweed.com), 'cannot even persuade the Virtual Girlfriends to go out with them at all, despite paying nearly £45 for the software - when they discover that their friends have succeeded, the virtual pressure to conform will be incredible and could produce harmful side effects. In any case, the complete absence of weapons or power-ups and the sluggish controls will surely reduce this whole 'girls' business to a minority activity among PC gamers.'
Digweed
The whole issue of personal relationships, therefore, is clearly still a computing hot potato; but with 250,000 copies sold in just 36 hours IBM will feel, with some justification, that they have cracked the market. 'The possibilities for expansion are endless.' enthused Douglas O'Candlewick, a senior director. 'Those who master 'Virtual Girlfriend' will be treated to the 'next generation' of 3D games later this year, modelling your entire career and social life in real-time - by the end of the year we hope to have a massive Internet site set up where hundreds of thousands of gamers can live out their virtual lives simultaneously. Imagine that - a world full of realistic-looking people, all working, marrying, and dying around you. All within a year. Unbelievable, huh?'
Quite. And at just £3 an hour, it beats group therapy hands down.
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