1. The Quest: The plot sucks... it's a cheesy fighting movie. The acting really sucks. What do you expect from a movie that's written, directed, and starring Jean-Claude Van Damme?

2. The Super Mario Brothers Movie: Bowser is played by a guy. I think he wears some really bad makeup, but I'm not sure. Luigi is played by John Leguizamo. Mario's full name, according to this movie, is "Mario Mario". Luigi's full name is "Luigi Mario". How bad can you get?

3. Prehysteria! 3: Pygmy dinosaurs help save a guy's putt-putt from going out of business. Yes, you read that correctly. And I'm not lying. The movie also features a girl who acts Scottish because she likes golf, and she also likes the Bay City Rollers. S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night! The only thing that makes this movie laughable are the references to other movies, such as "Apocalypse Now" ("I love the smell of astroturf in the morning... it smells like victory"), "Marathon Man" ("Is it safe?"), and "JFK" ("back.. and to the left. Back.. and to the left. Back.. and to the left"). Of course, this movie's target audience will have no clue about these rip-offs.

4. The Mod Squad: Some sort of "Mod Squad" tries to stop the corrupt police from killing some guy and getting illegal drugs, or something like that. I wasn't really paying attention. If you see this, you'll know why. You can read my review if you want.

5. "Manos" The Hands of Fate: Vacationers run into an evil cult that sacrifices human hands. The director/producer/screenwriter, Hal P. Warren, actually thought he could make a sequel to this. Hal P. Warren is a plumber by profession. This is the first (and last) movie that he ever made. Oh, and by the way, the "monster" in this movie (actually a guy with really big knees) committed suicide after working on this film.

6. Teenage Catgirls in Heat: An icon of the Egyptian Cat god causes cats to turn into naked women who act like cats. A man must stop them before they men get them pregnant and give birth to The Great Litter. The guy who directed this, Scott Perry, has had VERY minor roles in four movies before. The first movie that he acted in came out in 1966. The last movie that he acted in came out in 1983. Teenage Catgirls came out in 1997. Great career, huh?

7. Stewardess School: Two girls get kicked out of pilot school and decide to become stewardesses. This blockbuster cost $8 million to make, and grossed a total of $100,000 in the U.S. The director/writer/songwriter, Ken Blancato, has never worked on another movie.

8. Killer Klowns From Outer Space: It's about clowns who come from outer space and attack their victims with clownish weapons, then imprison them in cotton candy cocoons. This movie scared the crap out of me when I was a little kid... but, now I see that it's REALLY lame. Killer Klowns made a whopping $42,000 in the box office. I just hope this movie was SUPPOSED to be bad.

9. Jack Frost: When the truck carrying serial killer Jack Frost crashes into a truck with some genetic-altering acid, Frost is turned into a killer snowman. Enough said.

10. Uncle Sam: The corpse of a soldier killed during the Gulf War rises from the dead and kills unpatriotic Americans. As with Jack Frost and Killer Klowns, I just hope that the people who made this weren't that serious about it.

12. Godzilla: The '98 version. Ok, Godzilla is created by nukes, and "he/she/it" attacks New York. The chick in this movie is soooo bad, she is a terrible actress, and makes it suck more than it does allready. The only reason anyone should even consider watching this movei is because Mathew Broderick and Hank Azaria (Homer Simpson) are in it.

13. The Grapes of Wrath: First of all, I hated the book. But the movie makes the book look GOOD! The movie strays from the path Stienbeck oh-so horribly laid for the Joads to travel on. Examples: They visit places out-of-order, 2 important characters are left out, one character disapears for no reason, and finally, the end of the book is left out of the movie, and I'm talking a good 50 pages or so. I am baffled as to how this made the top 100 films and top 100 books of all time.

14. House 4: This movie is about a house. This house is "haunted", alright. Now there are too many bad parts to tell you about, so I will tell of one vividly HORRID parts. Here goes: Two guys were in the basement of THE HOUSE. "Man A" was afraid of bugs, where "Man B" was afraid of snakes, still with me...good, this next part may be hard to follow. THE HOUSE made "A" think "B" was a huge bug dressed like a man, and THE HOUSE also made "B" think "A" was a giant snake, also dressed as a man. "A" starts screaming "BUG! BUG!" And "B" starts screaming "SNAKE! SNAKE!". They then shoot eachother till they are both dead. Get this...one of the bullets falls on the floor and lands in a pool of gasoline. The bullet is so "hot" (?) that it starts a fire and burns the house down (?)!

15. Poison Ivy 3: The New Seduction: Alright, this is one of those movies that is on HBO late at night. I saw it while at a speech meet out of town, my friends and I decided to watch it to see how bad it was. Its about this girl named Ivy who comes home to visit her child-hood friend. She seduces her friends dad and boy-friend, and gets her friend drunk, or something. Any-hoo, it ends up that this girl is NOT Ivy and it is Ivy's sister, an Ivy is in fact dead, or something.

16. Lady in a Cage: Now I have been told that this movie is in fact "good" and was a "hit" in it's time (the 40's or so), but I cannot agree. It is about an old woman who is in her elevator during a power outage. Two male robbers and their "bitch" rob her house, kill all of her friends, and mentally torture her. She ends up escaping, and the bad guy chases after her. She ends up stabbing him in the eyes, and the effects are horrible, he then runs out into traffic and gets his head run over by a car. They do not show the aftermath of thsi tragic event.

17. Maximum Overdrive: Some trucks get possesed, or taken over by aliens, I dunno. Emilio Esteves and some other people are inside a gas station being circled by these trucks. They win, or something. It was writted by Stephen King. I lost all respect for him.

18. It's Alive 3: Island of the Alive: the previous two Alive movies must first be expained: some product causes people to have killer mutant babies. Which leads us to It's Alive 3, all the killer mutant babies are shipped off to an island, and somehow people end up on this little island. It sucks. I once read a review that said this movie was symbolic of cancer, and how people want to ship cancer patients off to an island, or was it AIDS?

19. The Gate: Ok, this was THE WORST movie I have ever seen, and I have seen hundreds of movies. It actually stars a young Steven Dorff. Anyway, a kid digs a hole in his backyard, and it opend teh gateway to hell. This one scene, the guy accidentally kills his dog, and they bury it in this hole, and somehow the demons see this as an invitation to come to earth. The kid's friend somehow has this demonic bible tht tells him how to deal with these things...the demons kill his friend..his sister's friends..and implant an eye in his hand. His dead friend somehow end up in his father's gun case, and the friend attacks him, and he kills his friend. In the end the gateway is sealed, his sister and him live happi-frickin-ly ever after. It may not sound that bad, but trust me, it is awful.

20. Campfire Tales: This "joint" or this "flick" was about four teenagers who get into a car accident, and go start a fire and tell scary stories. The stories are not scary, and they are just the usual stories you heard as a kid, ie-the hand scraping on the roof, the ribbon keeping the girls head on, people can lick too, etc. Plus the little side-story of the lost teens is horribly awful. In one scene the kiddies stop to take a "piss break" and one guy asks the other guy if he has "hair on his balls yet". To make this even worse, in the end we find out the kids have been dead the entire time, they were killed in the crash without knowing it.

21. Sometimes They Come Back...Again: This is the thtilling sequel to "Sometimes They Come Back", which I have never seen. It is about a guy who, back in the 50's tried to ritualistically kill his girlfriend, and were thrwarted by a the little brother of teh girlfriend. Now he is back, and wants to try it again, on the little (now grown up) brother's neice. But this time him and his two chums are actually demons, but somehow they get thwarted once again by the same dude.

22. Haloween III: Season of the Witch: Awite, this is the third "sequel" to Haloween. I was expecting a chilling epic of Mike Meyers, trying to kill Jaime Lee once again but was sadly let down. It is about an evil toy-maker who is a witch, and is making haloween masks that will kill all the kids wearing them (which is basically everyone). To make this bad movie worse, there is a countdown everyday before Haloween that the evil-mask-man puts on tv that sings a song, teling how many days untill Haloween. It goes: dedodedodedodedodedodedodedodedodedodedo..eight more days till haloween, haloween, haloween, eight more days till halowee, dedodedodedodedodedodedodedo....etc.

23. Reptilicus: This movei is about some people drilling that find a giant dinosaur tail preserved in ice. They send it to a lab. They find out that the animal it belonged to had the ability to regrow its body from the tail...ya know, completly oppisite the lizards now..argh.

24. Ticks: This horribly awful movie stars Seth Green (Scot Evil from Ausin Powers). It is about Ticks that are mutated, and are fricking HUGE! They attack some people.

If you have any doubts or suggestion I ENCOURAGE that you e-mail me- loserbaby@juno.com AND PLEASE VISIT THE kaZtneR&tRoZt filmz site!