Jokes

Katy's Page

Joke Database

Here are a few jokes I've received and kept over the years.

Most of them are ones I found amusing.

Some of them are filthy, so if you get easily offended... Well... Maybe you shouldn't be here.

UPDATE

I'm going to gradually add my jokes as one big list under categories. As the list grows, well, you'll find out.

If you can find a better way for me to display these jokes PLEASE contact me!

Funny

AN ELEVATOR STORY

A boy and his father visiting from a third world country were at a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father "What is this Father?". The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!" While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled in between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch ten circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a voluptuous 24 year old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."

ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES

Hi, this is John's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions.

Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.

You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.

ENERGISER OBITUARY

It is with great remorse that I inform you all of the sad news of something that happened to someone very dear to us all. Last night, at approximately 8:42 pm, the Energizer Bunny, after going, and going, and going for so long, unfortunately passed away. Upon completion of the autopsy early this morning, the chief medical examiner reported the cause of death as acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation.. Apparently, someone had put Mr. Bunny's batteries in backwards and he kept coming, and coming, and coming....