How often do you use the restroom?

Every 15 minutes.

Only during commercials.

Once a day, if I get around to it.

Never, I don't believe in it. Everything in my body is precious, and I want to keep it.

How close do you sit to the television?

As close as possible, I don't want to miss a thing.

Wherever the couch is.

I don't watch t.v., it rots your brain, and ever since Melrose Place was canceled, there's nothing good on anyway.

Where do you hurt?

Nowhere, I was just bored and thought I would fill out this form.

Neck up.

Waist to the neck.

Genital area. so hurry up, this is serious!

Legs and/or feet.

Pinky toe on the left foot only, and sometimes my right earlobe.

How does it hurt?

A sharp stabbing pain, as if I am being stabbed by a pair of scissors.

A dull throbbing pain, like when I sat through the Love Boat marathon.

An itchy pain, like ants are roaming over me, like when I wear the homemade sweater from Aunt Julie.

A roaming pain, that hurts in the part of the body I happen to be thinking about at the time.

How long have you been experiencing these problems?

My whole life, I just didn't want to complain and sound like a whiner.

The past year and a half, ever since seeing the English Patient.

Just this summer, since the reruns started.

A week or less.

Within the last hour, when I arrived at Stat's website.

What is your shoe size?

Really small, almost bound.

Normal.

Huge, I special order my shoes.

Are you currently waiting for an ambulance to arrive?

Yes, and it's taking forever.

No, I called a cab, it's not that serious.

No, I thought I would drive myself and save a few bucks.

No, it's not that bad yet, I'm going to see what Stat recommends.

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