progress3

Progress of Another Pilgrim

THEN February, 1978 Friday and Sunday The Seeker: My Dear Big Sister, How shall I contain myself? An endless stream of thoughts passes through my mind, impressibly dancing and leaping before my eyes, each one holding hands with the next. 'Round and 'round again, with subtle changes in their garments of meaning, each more glorious and of deeper hue than the one before. I cry, "Stop!", but they will not. It is too much; I cannot take it all in. They compel expression which I cannot give. I think I shall explode, yet I know I cannot. This incredible, inexpressible, intolerable mixture of joy, anguish, sorrow, worship, intense hunger and thirst, and love for my Lord, my God, my All-And-In-All - ah, it is rightly called travail! Now I understand the meaning of sorrow in childbirth. It is not a punishment that God inflicted; it is the curse that man chose. God has always set before man life and death, blessing and cursing; always He has pleaded that he choose Life. But man has continually committed abomination in the Temple of the Holy Spirit. He has ceased the sacrifices of a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart. He has forsaken the Fountain of Living Waters and set up for himself in the Holy of Holies, the idol of self - indeed, the abomination that makes desolate. And so redemption must come through travail. Redemption was conceived in a virgin by the Holy Spirit, He was born through travail; and through the travail of His soul has become Redemption to the human race and given birth to His spiritual offspring. This mystery of the Incarnation, of "God with us" and "Christ in us", that God should indeed dwell with man on the earth and seek union with Him - "I in Thee, they also one in Us, I in them, Thou in Me" - indeed, it is a mystery that can only be understood by revelation from God Himself! This week my thoughts have been turned from my yearning for deliverance from the flesh to a consuming desire for delivery of the "man child", the Christ that is being formed in me. I am as a woman in the final stage of labor [the speaker is a nurse and experienced in birth deliveries]. With such a one there is no idle playfulness, and little talk. She is acutely aware of details and activity around her. Yet she is strangely detached and isolated from them as all her desire and attention are concentrated on the one thing that matters - the bringing forth of the child. Others stand by to help, but she is alone in her travail. She works, either in cooperation with, or in struggling against (due to fear or lack of understanding) the mighty compelling force of life within her; yet she is but the servant of that force. The contractions now run into each other. The pain is almost intolerable, yet in some mysterious way is almost obliterated - perhaps superseded - by the great, overwhelming urge to give birth to the child. There is a characteristic strong groan often heard in delivery rooms when a birth is imminent which always receives the immediate attention of experienced personnel. I feel that groan within me, though I cannot give it adequate utterance. How perfectly the familiar picture of travail in the natural expresses what I feel in the spiritual! How beautiful beyond words is God's great plan, and the revelation of it in shadows and in reality! What an awesome drama! Oh, such incomprehensible love, that God allows man the choice that cost Him such untold agony in travail to bring forth and manifest His sons of glory! Hallelujah! The man child shall not be devoured by the dragon! He is conceived by the Holy Spirit, brought forth by the power of God, and shall also live by the very Life of God! I feel compelled to write you this, F. - perhaps because I know you travail also that Christ be formed in me. "To perfect" in Scripture bears both a destructive and constructive connotation. The greatest (but not the only!) result of last Wednesday's class for me was to divert my attention from the negative of dying to the positive of new Life. That sounds so simple, but, oh, it is so much! The simplicity of our Lord is so deep! Oh, how I love Him! How I adore Him! My Breath, my Sunshine, my All-in-All! Join me in worship of our Beloved! Love, B. P.S. I've reserved this for several days, deliberating within whether to send it. Tonight I've shared deeply with another of our dear sisters. She brought up the subject of giving birth before I had a chance to spit out the words. And my wee P. [son], snuggling in bed with me this morning as I read Daily Light and paused over something to pray, asked, "Were you talking to God?" and then, "Mommy, is Jesus in your tummy?" Out of the mouths of babes...! So tonight I feel it confirmed in my spirit to share this with you - for whatever He will do with it. Just one last thought: there is One Who is with me in all, and though other husbands cannot understand a wife's travail, my Beloved has been through more than I can ever know. He does understand, and He will hold my hand through the birth of this man child, the product of our union. Praise His Holy Name!!!! B. February, 1978 Sunday The Seeker: My Dear Sister, So much He has shown me that I cannot write, but again I must share thoughts that so fit with what I wrote you before. And again, this comes from my Lord and I give it back to Him. In obstetrics, we use a term which has come to mind with repeated insistence, but I didn't see where it fit before. We say a woman is "complete" when the cervix is fully dilated, opened for the child to pass out of the uterus, into the birth canal. It marks the beginning of the third stage of labor - the actual delivery. The latter part of the second stage is called the "transition". It is then that the uncontrollable shaking begins, there is often retching, and especially that tremendous desire to "push". However, we frequently have to tell a patient not to push yet, as pushing before dilation is complete may cause swelling of the edge of the cervix and actually delay and complicate the delivery. That is perhaps the most difficult point of labor - to have that overwhelming pressure and urge, yet be ordered to do nothing, to relax. Spiritually, one is "complete" when there is a union of one's will with His. A union of the will of my spirit with His took place at "conception", but there has been a hindrance to perfect union by the will of the flesh. What is so painful and difficult in the "transition" stage is the confinement (another good OB term), the total inability to do something about all this force of life. The flesh (way of death) seeks to escape being consumed (swallowed up in victory) by doing. It is the submission, the resting, the ceasing from works, that is so hard; the terrible confinement of responding to others in the midst of this agony; of sitting still when there is such a writhing and retching inside. The agony of crucifixion, and then "come unto me...take my yoke, learn of me...and you shall find rest...." The rest of God (Hebrews 4), which we must labor to enter into through faith, belief. The sabbath of the Lord - not doing my own ways, nor finding my own pleasures, nor speaking my own words (Isaiah 58:13 - oh! I see what follows and am reminded of Deut. 32:9ff - but can't go there yet!) And now I see a different picture. It is the battlefield of II Chron.20, so familiar to me. There is a battle raging within me - a great company. I know not what to do - no confidence in the flesh, but my sufficiency is of God. I will believe, and be established. The battle is the Lord's; I have nothing to do with it - I am free to praise the Lord! That death - I have no part of it. The sentence passed upon the flesh when I chose Life. I have renounced it, yes, it has become a stench to my nose as well as His. How clearly I see now what I thought I saw before. This which is new - it is the old story of salvation told in utter simplicity! Yes, the battle is still raging, but let it continue until I see all the beauty of His grace and mercy and power and love. What does it matter how long? It actually is finished, and death is swallowed up in victory! The sting is gone, and in its place praise, thanks, worship - so inadequate! How very precious to fellowship with Him in suffering! And past the grave, resurrection Life - I shall know Him as this, too, in this life on earth! Translation! The man child delivered and caught up to God! Oh, it is too much. He has come to me to make His abode! Who may abide the day of His coming? Who shall stand? Love. B. [present day note from the Seeker to the Singer]: "F., I have just attached, I think, something written 3/17 and a note to me from you. I am sure you [also] called me after the travail letters, but remember only that the exposure of my soul that had seemed such a great risk, was treated with respect, and covered with love...your note is a fitting response to all three (the travail letters and this)": March 17, 1978 The Seeker: Psa. 102. Yes, I suffer. Yes, I see God’s indignation and wrath. “By reason of the voice of my groaning, my bones cleave to my skin.": Yes! But His indignation and wrath are not against me; rather against my flesh, and I am in agreement with Him. Hallelujah! I count it all joy, for truly, He is my salvation, and I see Him delivering me from that which I also abhor. The flesh cannot please God; His Spirit strives against it. Neither have I any confidence in it. To be free to worship Him, to be in Him as He is in the Father, and the Father in Him, and He in me—that is His purpose! My mouth is enlarged over mine enemy, because I rejoice in His salvation! There is a death in me, yes, but also a birth. It is the spiritual manchild, the Christ that is formed in me, the image of Jesus, brought to birth by death. It is the spiritual child, my spirit, no longer confined in the womb under the rule of the flesh, but brought forth to live by the Spirit of God, by His Life, in resurrection power. This child is he that doeth the will of God, he that shall abide forever. This child shall grow and wax strong in spirit, filled with wisdom. The grace of God is upon him. He is born not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God! And, like Jesus, he, too, shall learn obedience by the things that he suffers. B. THE NOTE The Singer: Dearest B., Just finished reading again the “letters” God gave you and my heartstrings were touched anew by His tender, loving Hand. I guess, more than anything else, I'm jotting this note to encourage you in the travail. You truly are treading the Path...no need to stop nor (it is Divinely impossible) can you. I believe you have already chosen. God has given you such insights, it is breathtaking. Yes, stay still as He leads, call or write as He leads. His Grace is sufficient! Loving Him and you, F. P.S. Yes, there is Life anew within you. I touch it!