Progress of Another Pilgrim
June 21, 1978
The Seeker:
Ah, the mercy of God!
I have been drowning in great waters (Ps. 107:23). Out of the depths
I called to Him, and He heard my voice, and reminded me again of His promises
of redemption from all iniquity (Ps. 130). He was there all the time,
waiting, that He might be gracious unto me. Without spiritual understanding
of my helplessness, I was staggering through unbelief – the one thing He
has told me will limit my journey into Him. And I was unable to receive
the gift of righteousness and abundance of grace. Again, He has called
me to return and rest. By disabling me, He has enabled me to take
fresh hold of His strength. “Whoso is wise, and will observe these
things, even they shall understand the lovingkindness of the Lord.”
I see now – no, He
never shrank from the cross. His soul was troubled, yes, but He never
drew back, because He saw the joy that was set before Him. It is
that perspective that swallows up death in victory. I do not want
to be an enemy of the Cross… I will seek the perspective of suffering
that discerns between the fellowship of His sufferings and the cry of the
flesh, for it is a key to knowing Him (Life eternal!) and understanding
His ways. I will embrace my sufferings in fellowship with Him.
What about the sufferings
of Christ? Do they include living a sinless life in a sinful world?
The hunger of Love that desires to give what is so often rejected because
of blindness, unbelief, prideful independence, and contentment with “playing
in the marketplace”, missing all of Reality beyond? Bearing the burdens
of others? The restraint of “wearing the veil” and being misunderstood?
Loneliness? He learned obedience by the things that He suffered.
So, too, as He shares with me His thoughts and feelings, I gain understanding
of His will and learn obedience myself.
The “harness” is on
again, but it is not grievous and burdensome, but rather a great privilege,
for I am learning of Him, and He gives me rest. “With tenderness
never known before, He makes His will my own” [from a song]. I am
proving that His will is good and acceptable (to me, too!) and perfect.
To know spiritual principles with the mind is not enough; they must be
spiritually apprehended. Not until I have left the light of natural
understanding and gone into the darkness with Him, where He becomes
my Light, can the eyes of my understanding be enlightened to see the mysteries
of God Himself. I will cherish this darkness! I must be bold
to let go of all but the blood of Jesus to pass through the veil.
This requires singleness of vision, wakening of the ear morning by morning,
and willingness to respond only to Him. I step into the Light by
holding fast the profession of my faith without wavering. The assault
against my faith is violent in the darkness, because the powers of darkness
are there, too, and the flesh is weak. But I walk with One Who is
already Victor, against Whom there is no power, for all power is given
unto Him. I walk with Him, and by His Life. It is no longer
I, but I in Him, and He in me. As He is, so am I in this world –
therefore in it, but not of it.
“And I will give thee
the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that thou
mayest know that I, the Lord, which call thee by thy name, am the God of
Israel…” (Is. 45). “The secret things belong unto the Lord our God,
but those which are revealed belong unto us…” (Deut. 29:29).
Through my time with
you [the Singer], He has lifted and enlarged my vision, challenged my hope,
and strengthened my faith. I seek a pure heart to replace my
deceitfully wicked one; He has promised a new heart. I seek singleness
of vision to see Him only. We are caring for a young robin, and I
have observed how its head remains still even while its body is moved.
It must be because its eye is focused. I would be like that!
I seek that singleness of vision, to see only Him. When the phone
rang while I was with you, I dreaded the interruption of the intensity
of our conversation. But you gave no indication of even having heard
that phone ring! What an example of unresponsiveness to all else,
and obedience to Him! I will listen for His Voice, not responding
to doubts and condemnation, and trusting Him to keep me from error.
He takes me into the
depths that I may have a deeper understanding of my helplessness, a greater
comprehension of His glory. When I thus see my relationship to my
Creator, and realize that His great Love woos me to also be His bride and
share His Life intimately – ah, no praise is enough…! Then, with
joyful abandon, I cast down at His feet my thoughts and plans, my hopes
and expectations, my pleasures and desires. I have been willing for
Him to take them; now I give them with joy. And now there is rest
indeed, because now I wait for His initiative. Not for anything would
I knowingly stir myself up nor allow myself to be stirred other than by
Him.
This is not a one-time
lesson, but rather a way from faith to faith, grace to grace, glory to
glory, and strength to strength. When I see His Glory, then can I
with patience wait for it, for I would not hurry the Hand of God, lest
I lose something and it cause me to stumble later on. This is a contentment
with my present level of maturity, for maturing is a process of growth.
If He is content with His workmanship thus far, so shall I be. Nor
would I expect of myself that which He does not. The implications
of this are deep, to a restoration of that which the worms and locusts
ate in my childhood. It affects all my human relationships.
And where does this
way lead? To perfection – in this life? We have the Sadducees
in our day, too, who do not believe in the resurrection. This philosophy
of denying resurrection in this life, as well as the pharisaical philosophy
of works and righteousness of self, have, in fact, raised the fundamental
question in my mind by which God has drawn me to seek Him, and my double-mindedness
toward it has been the basic cause of inner conflict and unrest in my associations
with other Christians. What, then, is the meaning of His death, and
what is the meaning of His life? What, indeed, is the meaning of
salvation, and what is His plan of redemption? I will never forget
the question [by the Singer], “WHO SAYS?” It pierced me through
and rings in my ears yet! It was perhaps the most profound and penetrating
challenge He set before me that day. And its application is universal.
Where, indeed, does the
Lord God indicate that anything less than perfection is what He desires
for His own, even in this life? How can anything less give glory
to Perfect Holiness? Unthinkable! Is it impossible for Him
to claim now what He has already won? No! the limitation cannot be
in Him! Why, then, should I limit Him with my unbelief? No,
let it not be! Rather, let me throw myself upon Him with my helpless
cry – “Lord, I believe! Help Thou my unbelief!”
“This is the will of God,
even your sanctification” (I Thes. 4:3). Surely He is not pleased
with a half-done job! No wonder He commanded the children of Israel
to completely destroy their enemies. He casts them out from before
me, but He also says, “Destroy them!” The battle is His, and yet
we are to “labor to enter in”. “… the God of peace shall bruise Satan
under your feet shortly” (Rom. 16:20). “And they overcame Him by
the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony.” They overcame
him – partially? “God hath called us unto holiness, Who hath also
given unto us His Holy Spirit (I Thes. 4:7, 8). “Walk worthy of God
Who hath called you unto His kingdom and glory (I Thes. 2:12). “And
the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and
toward all men, even as we do toward you, to the end that He may stablish
your hearts unblameable in holiness toward God, even our Father, at the
coming of our Lord Jesus Christ with His saints” (I Thes. 3:12, 13).
“And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole
spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our
Lord Jesus Christ” (I Thes. 5:23). “Faithful is He that calleth you,
Who also will do it.” Hallelujah!
Hallelujah! What a
freedom to have that settled! Yet perfection itself is not my goal.
My hope is not in where He will take me, nor what He will
do with me (or rather, what I understand He will do), but my hope is in
Him! My goal is not what I will accomplish, nor even what
He will accomplish, but Him! In all my seeking, I must never
forget that He is the Prize! But to know Him, I must be –
or rather, be made – perfect!
Characteristic of the difference
between how He worked in me before my experience of God’s Glory last spring
and what He is doing now is something He said to me a couple weeks ago.
For three weeks after that experience, I was constantly carried by His
power while He gave me new vision of His Glory and the responsibility of
bearing His Image, showed me the purpose of this valley where He would
take me, exposed me to the dangers of the enemy and the flesh, required
that I count the cost, and then asked if I was willing to follow on.
Even my pulse rate, usually 60, was almost continuously sustained at around
100, and I felt as if my chest would explode. His Presence was so
intense I thought I would not survive, and could not have endured it except
for His grace—and I knew it. I certainly understand the veil as a
token of God’s mercy! I have been attending “night school” for instruction
and getting my practical experience during the day. On one particular
morning, feeling exhausted, I said, “Lord, I know that I can trust You
to take care of my family today.” “Yes, He answered quickly, but
can you trust Me to enable you to care for them?” And I saw
– what He has done for me and in me before, He now wants to do through
me. Not I, but Christ...!
Sometimes there is so much
I desire to share – but then the love of Christ constrains me to seek His
Mind, and I don’t know what I desire until He reveals His will, for that
is truly what I want. As I gathered these thoughts today, I know
they were for you, and I began to check my motive, because I would not
send it unless I believe it to be of His initiative. I knew He wanted
me to write this today. I cannot write unless He gives me expression.
I also know that I am free to never even speak to you again, much less
write, should He so desire. As I questioned, He reminded me of firstfruits.
Whether it be the expression of them, or the thoughts themselves, this
is, in a sense, a firstfruit. It is what has grown in my garden,
but it is His fruit, and I offer it to Him in recognition that all I have
has been given by Him. I send it to you because the firstfruits are
the privilege and right of the priests of the temple, and He has anointed
you an intercessor for me. Blessed be the Lord God, the God of Israel,
Who only doeth wondrous things; and blessed be His Glorious Name forever;
and let the whole earth be filled with His Glory.
Amen and amen!
B.
