After going into a state of depression, a good friend lent me some of her books written by Ayn Rand. After reading some of the essays Ayn wrote, things started getting clear. I always felt the way she did about the things she wrote about, but could not figure out how to put them into the proper relationship with my life. I started thinking about what she said about selfishness, and self-interest. I had always seen selfishness as evil and giving everything I had to the ones I loved as being a virtue. That left nothing for me and therefore I felt bad about my self, if I had nothing left I must be worthless, a failure.

Seeing selfishness as a virtue changed the way I looked at life. Instead of sacrificing everything I had to my children, I would give to them so that I could enjoy their company, even cooking a big dinner for them, just so I could sit and watch them eat it, was a great pleasure, therefore I was giving to them, for myself. When I had to work extra hours to put one of my children in a private school,(not neglecting the other two, but the school only had one opening, as soon as there are more my other two children will go also), although she to is benefiting from this, it is mostly for me because I don't like public schools(outlined in a previous essay), and I want my children to get the best education my money can buy. When I go to work, I don't go for the good of my employer, I go for myself so that I may have, and do more. To day everything I do, I do for myself, if I help a stranger in need its because it makes me feel good about myself. I will no longer sacrifice my self to anyone for anything, I will no longer sacrifice my children to anyone(i.e.public schools)for anything. If it can't be done out of selfishness I will not do it.