Bev 'n Trixie Interface
Let's put that laundry aside, grab a cup of Earl Grey (loose-leaf, of course), and eavesdrop
on Bev 'n Trixie as they discuss
Gardening, Surgery
BEV: Hello, Trix! I loved the last letter you sent me when I was away on holiday!
TRIXIE: Well, Bev, I was rather rushed, so I'm afraid a handwritten letter was out of
the question. I had to type with one hand because I was using the other to spin wool yarn for a
hand-loomed carpet, made from wool from my merino sheep, which keep my back acreage of Kentucky
Bluegrass clipped.
BEV: How nice. I've found that alpaca is much finer for rugs, though. So you didn't
use your Gutenberg press?
TRIXIE: Actually, I was so busy that I just dragged out the old Underwood, after I
repaired it and replaced several discontinued parts, which I found after combing seven antique
shops. And what have you been up to this week? Got any inspiration for me?
BEV: Well, first I tied little bows on all my sunflowers, and then I baked bread out
of the organically grown wheat I just harvested and milled from my expansive fields in back, which
are irrigated with water from my artesian well. Then I performed an appendectomy on myself using
a scalpel I made from flint, by candlelight, from the beeswax candles I made with the wax from my
own beehive.
TRIXIE: My, Bev, you've been the busy bee yourself! However, it couldn't have been as
complicated as my gall bladder operation.
BEV: Actually, Trix, it went quite smoothly (I pioneered a new out-patient procedure)
and recovered in time to document my post-operative findings for the New England Journal of
Medicine. I also scrubbed with homemade soap and sutured the incision with silk thread from my
silkworm farm. Did I mention that the homemade soap was created with the fat drippings from my
own cattle, which were corn-fed from my own corn? And that was just Monday. Today, besides
pruning the rhodies, I've been spreading compost from my compost heap on the rose garden.
TRIXIE: Didn't it catch on fire last week?
BEV: The rose garden?
TRIXIE: No, the compost heap.
BEV: Oh, that. It's that lazy Ferdinand; he hasn't been turning the compost properly.
I have to keep reminding him to Be Very Careful about always maintaining my heap at an even
160 degrees throughout. After all, the thermometer is in there for a reason.
TRIXIE: Oh, I agree. And there are so many good uses for thermometers. But you have
to admit, your Ferdinand is almost as well-muscled as my Pablo, and that's a Good Thing.
Of course, my Pablo, being the EXPERT, says the compost heap should never exceed 160 degrees, even
though it's been as high as 175 with no problems, if he would just water it down once in awhile.
I'll show that hirsute hidalgo where to put his thermometer! Why, I taught that man everything he
knows! I had quite a challenge myself developing my hybrids--no thanks to him--and I've been
gene-splicing and cloning my begonias using the electron microscope I built from a kit from M.I.T.
Hah! When I was at M.I.T., they called me the Luther Burbank of Pasadena. Too bad about the leaf
spot on your roses, though. At least your hydrangeas were able to escape that--they're almost as
spectacular as mine are this year. Next year, you might try a more alkaline soil for blue blossoms.
BEV: Oh, I certainly will, Trix; I'll be sure to mix some lime in the next time I whip up a batch
of my famous home-made potting soil. But you haven't done too badly yourself this year; your
evening primroses were a close contender in this year's Garden Club competition. I also noticed
your beautiful hand-made bird house condominiums as I was driving by your place last week,
which reminded me that mine could use a touch-up, too. There's nothing like a fresh coat of paint,
as we well know.
TRIXIE: Well, Bev, I'll have to let you get back to your composting. My banty hen,
Sadie, has just laid my breakfast egg. She's been feeling under the weather so it's a bit late.
BEV: I should say! It's already 10:00 a.m.! Well, TTFN, Trix!
TRIXIE: Ciao, Bev!
But wait! There's more!
Next: Bev 'n Trixie go Potty over Painting
Painting
TRIXIE: Hi, Bev! What's on your list this week?
BEV: Oh, Trixie, I'm exhausted! I was up all night poring over paint chips for the
bedroom, dining room, and living room and trying out different effects. Then I had to look them over
in the daylight this morning.
TRIXIE: And how is that going?
BEV: Well, I've done the bedroom, but I'm having second thoughts and I may have to
re-do. I finally settled on Decolletage for the walls, Poke Berry for the trim, and Temptress
for the ceiling. But I just don't know about the Poke Berry; it's a tad too green. Maybe
Australian Morning would be more subtle. I'm thinking cool, I'm thinking green, I'm thinking
fresh--you know, a fresh, cool, green look to offset the blush tones.
TRIXIE: How about Yellow Fetish for the trim, and you could sponge the Decolletage
with a splash of Sorghum?
BEV: That sounds intriguing. Now, for the living room, I can't decide between Dune
Dust or Desert Drift.
TRIXIE: How about Crouton or Melba Toast? That's a nice compromise between the two.
You could marbleize that with a dab of Chutney or Sweet Basil. Of course, there's always Morocco
Desert, Aladdin's Lamp or Sultan Sand. Then you could go with Jewel of the Nile for the trim.
BEV: Hmm. Yes, or In the Bush. And the dining room--I forgot about the dining room.
TRIXIE: With your color scheme, I might go with Café au Lait or Light Toast with a Nut
Topping trim. That would brighten up those drab winter afternoons, and that's a Good Thing.
BEV: Ooh, I'm getting hungry. This project is going to wreak havoc on my diet.
And what about the ceiling?
TRIXIE: Well, you could rag-roll that in a Praline base with a Slivered Pecan glaze.
BEV: I don't know. I'm sort of partial to Honey Butter.
TRIXIE: Honey Butter??!! That's too much like Yosemite. Try Homemade Biscuits instead.
BEV: Yum. You've got me salivating now, girlfriend! Come to think of it, I guess
Homemade Biscuits would work, but I'm still kind of drawn to Lonesome Dove. But I suppose you're
right, as always. And then I was going to paint that antique sideboard in a contrasting color.
TRIXIE: Well, there's always Spinach Salad, Cactus Shade, or Crisp Khaki. Meteorite
could work, but it might be too dark.
BEV: Good idea, Trix! Well, I think we've just about covered all the food groups with
that one. And I did the master bath in Himalaya, Shogun, and Persian Dance with a Pawnee accent.
TRIXIE: How ethnic! I love it. You might try Shagbark on the trim for that
aboriginal look.
BEV: Now, there's a thought. And I'm planning on either Aloof or Down Feathers in
the guest room with Nimbus on the ceiling. Then I'll be done with that project for the time being.
And how about you, Trix? I hear you've just about finished with your house.
TRIXIE: Yes, I did that last week. Of course, I chose an all-Martha line because her
colors coordinate so well. Her paints are divine and creamy-smooth.
BEV: And they have that lovely fresh scent.
TRIXIE: And that's always a Good Thing. Let's see--I couldn't decide between Pongee
or Ursa Major for the bedroom, so I mixed them both together. Then I went with Winter Surf on the
ceiling. In the kitchen, I used Tortilla and color-washed the cabinets in Twine.
BEV: But I'm not sure those are complementary colors on Martha's palette.
TRIXIE: Oh, what does SHE know? Anyway, for the dining room, I chose Light Cocoa for
the walls and Buckwheat for the ceiling. In the living room, I used Travertine on the ceiling,
and--was it Stone or Scone?--on the walls.
BEV: Sounds delicious, but I thought you had your heart set on Tumbleweed?
TRIXIE: Actually, Bev, I think it was Adobe, but I found it a tad drab.
BEV: Well, it certainly sounds as if you have all your ducks in a row as far as
painting goes.
TRIXIE: If it's one thing I know, it's paint. And I only go with the best.
BEV: I know, I know. I wish I would have listened to you and gone with Martha's
Vineyard in the rec-room.
TRIXIE: That isn't Martha's.
BEV: Isn't Martha's what?
TRIXIE: That color. That's not in Martha's line. It may SAY Martha's Vineyard, but
that's not one of her colors. You have that confused with something else, well, like Martha's
Vineyard. I advised you to go with Corkscrew Willow, one of my favorite Martha colors.
BEV: Oh. Well, it was probably one of those cheap bargain brand knock-offs or
something I was thinking about. Or maybe it was because I spent the summer at my Martha's Vineyard
cottage.
TRIXIE: That must be it. Hey, Bev! You'll have to do the cottage next.
Autumn Clematis would be sensational in the great room, with Muslin in the bath.
BEV: Good God. Now there's another project.
TRIXIE: I'll let you get back to your buckets and brushes now! I have to retrofit my
foundation for the Big One. Later!
BEV: Good luck, Trix! Bye!
Stay tuned for the continuing saga, folks! There's more to come in future issues.
In the weeks and months ahead, Bev 'n Trixie will tackle many projects, including
Cooking, Sewing, and Pets 'n Things.
Copyright © The Year 1998 by Bev 'n Trixie
I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you, but I've been busy with my pumpkins and squash preparing for
the harvest festival, which will be held at my estate this year as usual. I see you used your own
stationery made from the pulp of magazine and newspaper clippings. But you didn't use your lovely
fountain pen with the ink I made you from blueberries and beet juice.