"One can never consent to creep
when one feels an impulse to soar."
-Helen Keller
i came home from work to find Sir lying sleepily on my bed. i loved it. 'Course the sight of Him stirs my blood at any given moment. In fact, even thinking about Him gets me a bit heated. Hmmmmm....
Okay, back on topic. He had driven down to get me, so that we could attend a dinner and play party together. i hurried to get ready, deciding, upon His advise, to get changed later, into the clothing i was to wear to the party. We had a very pleasant drive together and arrived at the restaurant exactly on time. Just before ordering, Sir changed into His leathers, which definitely affected my concentration. When we were finished eating i went to the lady's room to change as well. Much to my dismay i realized i had brought everything with me, the waist-cincher, lacey bra, stockings, shoes, but not my thong! Now, public play and pushing my limits therein is a relatively new thing for me. i am only just beginning to try getting comfortable with my breasts exposed. The idea of my genitalia bared was nearly paralyzing. When i whispered the dilemma in Sir's ears, He didn't seem nearly as dismayed as i was however. i distinctly remember a glint of amusement in His eye.
Lucky for me i had the idea that perhaps someone else might have brought along a spare pair. After all, i usually try to have an extra pair of stockings with me, in case of runs. So my reasoning was perhaps others think like me. And i was proven correct, feeling a huge amount of relief as one of the girls there assured me she had indeed brought along extras.
i am beginning to notice a difference when i go to these events because people are starting to know me, and are saying hello. i feel very welcomed and that is a nice thing to be. And i am actually trying to contribute in conversations, even if only listening and saying brief things. But i am much, much better than i was several months ago, when all i could think of was finding a corner to lurk in. However, Sir also pushed a limit of mine this particular night, and it has taken a bit to digest how it felt.
i have not had the desire, or the nerve i suppose, to expose my breasts in public. i struggle with the idea that they are too small, too saggy, too whatever, and i know i am not supposed to be indulging in these thoughts. Often i would use the excuse that i am too old, but in truth, even when they were younger and perkier, i still kept them hidden. i am not sure exactly why i came to be like this, because i will admit in my deeper, more intimate thoughts i find it a bit provocative to be exposing them. i am very brave in my imagination :)
This night however, Sir decided to unfasten my bra and push it out of the way, while we were scening. For many, this would just be a matter of course, but for me it was a major step. As i struggled with the awareness of being bared yet being caught up in the intensity of the scene, i found myself drifting to the "space" that He creates for me. And then my naked breasts weren't important at all. When He was finished, He dressed me with His leather vest and i liked the idea of that; the offer of a bit of modesty as i became aware of my surroundings again. Yet once aware, i still struggled, and He chastised me for slouching, in an attempt to cover myself more. Then He had me go to the bar and get drinks, and i think that was probably the most difficult moment of all.
Perhaps there is more to learn here though, than just the idea of baring oneself in public. i found the discipline within myself to obey Him, and i got the drinks. i accepted His pushing of my limit because i wanted to, not just because He wanted me too. And now that the limit is somewhat behind me, although admittedly not completely gone but at least attempted at ... it encourages me to keep trying. It also pleases Him.
i felt i was being tested, by Him, and by myself. And i feel like i passed. i think this pleases us both :)