Knowing is not enough; we must apply.
Willing is not enough; we must do.
-Goethe
i was allowed to attend my first "fet" night recently, and i was so very nervous. This was different from a play party in that the atmosphere is more like a bar. i found it difficult to focus my attention at work, watching the hands of the clock drift slowly by. But finally it was time to leave and i dashed home as quickly as i could, to get ready. i picked up a girlfriend who was attending as well, and we headed to the "big city". It was also her first visit, and i am not sure which of us was more excited. i do know our energy level was quite high. We were dressed alike in sleeveless black dresses, heels and stockings. i also wore the gift of a brocade waist cincher that made me feel absolutely elegant.
The most memorable part of the night, for me, was dancing with Sir. The look in His eyes. i think there was a part of Him that had acknowledged my comment about how i dance like a "stripper", but not really understanding what i meant. And how i loved rubbing up against Him. Sir has a way of making all the people that are around us simply not exist for me. i am able to go to that safe place He gives to me, and i feel secure enough to do and be whatever He wishes. Months ago i would have hesitated to be dancing at all, even with my dress on, and certainly never without it. Perhaps this is another one of the ways i have changed, and should be added to a task i am working on for Him, of describing these changes. i do know, years ago, before i stopped dancing, i had to have a bit of alcohol before being brave enough to go on a dance floor at all.
There seems to be a wanton soul simmering just beneath the calm facade that is me, and Sir reaches inside and pull her out. i am always overwhelmed afterwards, wondering where that woman came from. He has introduced me into public scening and i cannot find the words to describe how it feels to please Him. Small snippets of being cuffed to the spreader bar that night drift through my mind. It feels like a huge, huge swelling inside of me.. that bursts, wrapping me in a warmth that i never want to leave. Always it seems so brief, and yet i know i must have been there for some time. But i lose all sense of reality... so i am never very sure.
Sir had instructed me to serve a drink to an acquaintance of His, which involved crossing the span of the rather large room, asking the Dom His beverage of choice, then getting and serving it to Him. i know i could not have done this months ago. Now, although still nervous, i was able to find a calm place in my thoughts, and carry out Sir's request. i think this is a positive change for me, and i was very pleased with myself once i had completed the task.
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And here i am again, a few weeks later, having attended another fet night.. and my mind is full, brimming. It has effectively guided my thoughts away from the first night.. and on to the second.
i shall return when my feet return to the earth again :)