yesterday: previous posts ...

tomorrow: future musings ...

me: this is actually my webpage, which will need to be worked on as well, especially since i am making life-changes

email: yes, please :)

energy level going at warp speed ... i know exactly what i need to slow me down ... i imagine Master probably knows as well *g*

     i get to enjoy solitude in the office today. my replacement called in sick; actually she called me at my girlfriend's house early, early this morning. She said she thought she had the flu or something, while speaking loudly enough to project her voice over the sounds of music. Coming from the tv or a radio? i don't know. Maybe all that racket makes her feel better. Right. As i listen to the clock ticking slowly, i can feel my anxiety rising as i contemplate the possibility that this woman might change her mind and decide she doesn't want this job after all. Down panic, down!

     Enough. Finished. Put the thoughts away janine. Heh! And it is easy enough to visualize the stern look Master would be giving me right now anyway.

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    And now it is later in the day. i've done some work, called Master, and gone out for a salad, glad for a break outside. One disadvantage of being in a windowless office is not being able to enjoy the sunshine. i like things light and bright and airy feeling. Once i become more comfortable in the "big city", know my way around a bit and start looking for work, i hope i can get something near enough to walk to, or at least have a window to gaze out of during the day.

    i think Master encourages me to maintain this journal so that He can keep a barometer on my moods.

    And it is becoming pretty obvious, even to me, that my restlessness is beginning to build. i feel so displaced here. i know, i know. i have whined about this before. But i have closed so many doors now, that being here just feels wrong. i have lots of ideas and plans in mind, that i am now looking forward to doing once i am settled. i want to get started on them already! Minor things, like doing some of the craft-like activities i used to do years ago. And newer ideas, such as learning to ride a bicycle around the city. That ought to be interesting! And even overcoming my nervousness about finding employment. Maybe it is time to try out something new in that area.

    Maybe i am just feeling a whole lot braver than i was yesterday. But that is a good and positive thing, right?

    Right?

    Zinggg. my energy level is peaking i think. my normally complacent type-b personality is feeling the pressure of inactivity. Back to pacing and counting minutes till i at least get to leave the office.

... shadoe

December 8/99