yesterday: previous posts ...

tomorrow: future musings ...

me: this is actually my webpage, which will need to be worked on as well, especially since i am making life-changes

email: yes, please :)

who invented snow anyway??? *shiver*

     i am finding the time at work passing very slowly now. In order for the new girl to learn, i have to step back and let her do the work "hands on", which means i am mostly watching, guiding and advising. Several times she has gotten upset with me when i have not given her an answer to a problem directly, but had her follow a process to discovering the solution herself. i point her in the direction, then let her walk there by herself.

     And as i am describing this right now, i am chuckling as i realize i am applying the same methods Master used with me over the past year. Which means not only is the new girl learning; so am i. i am getting a sense of what Master most likely has felt teaching me. When i started my journey, i used to ask Him; "what do You get from this?" Now i am beginning to understand.

     It really is rewarding to see the look of understanding and her pleasure in doing so, expressed in her eyes. In some ways it reminds me of when the Dom Son and Domme Daughter were babies and discovering all their "firsts". Even now i can recall the sound of Dom Son's laughter when He took His first steps. And the pleased smile on Domme Daughter's face when she discovered hitting big brother over the head with Her bottle was a great way to make him back off!

     Why is it that as we become adults, some of us seem to lose the ability to move forward, to continue learning and revel in the opportunities to do so? Is it because we lose a bit of our imagination as we are prodded into the mainstream of "mature" responsibilities? "Stop being silly," i remember my mother saying often, as i would drift off in my mind to another place and time. Perhaps that is one reason why i like the fog so much. i could indulge in my fantasies without anyone else seeing me, even as i entered my teens.

    How much better i feel now, knowing that it is okay to indulge in my dreaminess once in awhile. And to be able to learn whatever i choose to study, instead of only that which will help me be adult, or put money in my pocket. Even if i am only studying me, then i am learning. And because i have had the freedom to do so, it is easier to move on to other things, instead of me, without feeling like there was something i was supposed to do, and not knowing what it is.

... shadoe

November 30/99