Guns Can Be Useful
Last night I over-heard my brother (the uncle of the boy) giving my nephew a general lecture. Not only that, but my brother doesnt know how to hold back or summarize. A five minute conversation in his mind is actually 5 hours in real time, and for him thats the norm. So you could imagine what kind of hell my nephew was going through. Seeing no signs that this would end, I decide to rescue the kid. I politley intervene and decide to make my brother aware that sometimes less is more.I explained that the boy, just like everyone else, respects him and therefor doesnt interrupt or say whats on his mind. However he shouldnt take that respect for granted. Also my brother tends to view my nephew's father, our other brother who was never there for his children, as a low-life. And with this perception, he dared to compare my nephew to him! Personally, I knew he had crossed the line and I'd be damned if I allowed him to get away with that. So I told him about his self and he then gets pissed off and starts arguing me, making a remark about me being a female needing to learn my place and jesturing as if he could put me there by threatening my life. Of course, I found this statement to be pathetically incongruous, so I essentially told him that only an insecure man would feel threatened by a strong female and that I wouldnt give him the satisfation of supposing I were his rival. Truth be told, he is in no condition worthy of being my nemesis. We engaged in quarrel for some time and when it was finally over, he comes back and shows both my nephew and I a sheet of notebook paper with my name on his "Shit List"...Sama Bin Laden and Saddam Housein taking second and third place. *sigh* Just another day in the life...

Knives Are Pretty
Suddenly I feel alone...very alone.I dont usually have the feeling of longing for my exboyfriend to be around, not even when we were together. And I hated how I felt when I thought about him not being there when I really needed him.I felt like....I dont know....horrible.A kind of horrible I had never experianced.The kind that makes you want to end it all and take a few people with you before you do.Infact, I think the urge of wanting to kill people was simply my inner will trying to stay strong.Otherwise, I would have given up completely. Im not a very emotional person but if I were, I dont think I'd be able to handle this. I dont think most would.Its a rather nauseating feeling and if I didnt know any better, I'd say I were physically sick. On the bright side, I have to say, Im really quite appriciative that everything's happening before I go away to school, that way I can chalk this all up before hand and go there with a clear mind.I cant say Im looking forward to having to start over, but all in all, I cant complain.I suppose its better to show up empty handed than to show up carrying luggage that's just weighing me down.

Just In Case
So Im talking to one of my boys and he tells me he thinks he might be in love with me.I told him that if he really were, he wouldnt have to question it. When I was in love with a guy, I not only knew it, but I was actually proud to tell people.There was no doubt in my mind that it was truth.When asked if I were in love,in all its complicity...the answer was simply yes.We talked for a while and when it was time to let each other go, he said good-night and I said good-bye.He hates when I say that because he knows my reasoning.I said, just in case I should pass-away.He said well if we're saying things for the sake of "just in case" then Will you marry me? I said, are you serious? He said yes. I said well if this were truly the end, then what would be the point? He said, to inform you that I wanted to. (Smile)

Just Chill'in
Yesterday my sister and I went out and didnt get back till 5 in the morning.Through out the whole time I was joking around and she laughed so hard she almost pissed on herself! We dont hang out often but when we do I make sure she has a good time.I know she's going through alot so whenever possible I try my best to get her to sincerely laugh, hopefully non-stop .We ended up paying a visit to my other sister and also to her best friend.We stayed up all night talking and bull-shitting...them drinking coffee,me with my alcohol...it was great.When we finally got home,I chose to stay up a bit later than eveyone else to work on some poetry.I didnt get to sleep till about 7. Over-all I had a nice time and maybe soon we'll do it again one day.

What a Night
Last night I hung out with my nephew.It was his 15th birthday and I was glad to be there.He's really growing up and I truly love watching his progression.Also, one my ex's was there.He ended up getting him dog-tags with his name, adress, and a message inscribed.I thought that was so thoughtful.I have to say, I was proud to see him taking a part of my nephew's life, but I did feel abit akward because we do still have feelings for one another. Not only was he my first boyfriend but he was my first love as well.I found myself trying to overlook the fact that he was there because I wanted to stay focused on the reason I came at all.I ended up staying the night...we indulged in talk about comics and partook in the playing of video games.Overall I had a nice time and more importantly my nephew did too.

He's got some nerve
So one of my guy friends called me up and asked to hang out.I ended up turning him down because he's been trying to get with me for the longest and I just broke up with my boyfriend less than a month ago and he knows this.So we're talkling on the phone and he wouldnt just drop it especially since I gave him no explanation as to why.He kept at it and I thought to myself that it wasnt fair to treat him this way because of my suspisions.So I eventually gave in.The night went very well.We hung out with a few other people and got a couple of drinks.He's not big on drinking so he didnt consume that much alcohol,however he did somke a blunt and was feel'in nice.He decides he was ready to go and Im thinking he was going to drop me off.Instead we end up pulling up to his house.There was a dinner prepared that he served and we had cheese cake afterwards.I go to the bathroom and when I come back out...oh my goodness,My boy really thought we were going to do something...had his dick out and the whole nine!Well need-less to say, I got myself out of that situation and had him drive me home.See, my whole thing is, thats my dog and I dont do shit like that uness I were to sincerely think we could have something.Also, If I purposely didnt get with him after all the years that I've known him, I highly doubt I'll change my mind in one night.And correct me if Im wrong, but doesnt the guy usually try to get the girl wasted in order to get laid...not himself! I mean damn, if I wasnt looking at him while he was sober I sure as hell wouldnt look at him while he's intoxicated. *go figure*

Fuck'in roaches !!!!!
I know this may sound a bit out of wack, but I saw a pregnant roach today and a few out of the ordinary thoughts came to mind.Something along the lines of me being able to relate to being a female.Not only that but I didnt want to be the one to destroy a life that was in the process of creating one.Then I wondered why I would get so pissed whenever I would see one.No compassion, just instinct to kill it.I suppose its because a roach will not only welcome its self but after having gotten knocked up once, the female roach continues to have babies for the rest of its life!So now you have the whole damn family!!! I know this may make me look sick...but I actually caught myself ALMOST having compassion for these creatures.But then I worked out the logic and said to myself...if a few 10 million people came in through your window, started eating your food, shitting on your belongings, and having babies in your house to do the exact same thing... how would you feel? What about when youre trying to eat and you look up at the ceiling only to find a roach lining its self up, aiming, to drop onto your plate? How about having to make sure to sleep with your mouth closed to make sure one doesnt crawl in? People think about this. Imagine waking up with an unfamilar anatomy in your aperture...not only is it not your spouse, but its not even human and it has its genitals in your mouth! Is that f*cking sick or what?! Yeah, that whole feeling sympathetic thing, went straight to hell! *Smash*

A New Begining
Today is the first day that I havent talked to anyone from my past. Within the past month, I've gotten rid all of my so-called friends and I intend to keep it that way.I admit that I had a blast in the presence of their company and I'll definitely miss them but they've simply done way too much to me to be rewarded with my friendship.It seems kind of out there to just drop them all but the fact of the matter is, they all correspond with each other.I dont mean to put down their unique characteristics but if you hang out with one, you might as well be hanging out with them all. One thing I cant stand is that they never held themselves accountable for their actions and their very keen on pointing the finger.Not only did I get rid all of my freinds, but my boyfriend of 2 years had to go as well.Apparently he had the same problem and what makes matters worse is that anytime I would suggest that he were lying to me he would chalk it up as paranoia.Its funny how later, the truth came out and all of a sudden he became the paraniod one...wondering what course of action I would take.But I didnt feel he was man enough for me, so rather than confront both him and the girl he cheated on me with...I completely left him alone.Instead I decided not to put up with all that drama, cut the non-sense, and let them all go.