Blond Breast Stroke Competition
A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."


A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?", asked the Dr. "You have to help me, I hurt all over", she said. "All over? Be a little more specific". said the Dr. The woman touched her right knee with her index finger & yelled. "ouch, that hurts". Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "That hurts,too". Then she touched her right earlobe,"That even hurts" she cried. The Dr. looked at her thoughtfully for a moment & asked, "Are you a natural blonde?" "Why, yes," she said. "I thought so," said the doctor, "You have a broken finger" Ouch!


A Blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about all his employees well being, asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?" To which the blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." The boss feeling very sorry at this point explains to the young girl. "Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy just take the day off to relax and rest." She very calmly states, "No.. I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual... "If you need anything just let me know." A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on her. He looks out his office and sees her crying hysterically. He rushes out to her asking, "What's so bad now? Are you going to be ok? What's wrong?" She breaks down in tears, "I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that *her* mom died too!!"


A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.  "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"  The blonde nodded... "Ill tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor." No, from skipping."


SHE WAS SO BLONDE...
...she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her   mind.
...she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK".
...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
...she thought a quarterback was a refund.
...if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.
...they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
...under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".
...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
...at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here".. she put "Capricorn".
...she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
...it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
...if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
...when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
...when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport   Left" she turned around and went home.


A blond woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks, "What is that?" The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos." The blond then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." So she buys one. The next day, she brings it to work with her. Her boss, also a blond, asks, "What is that shiny object?" She replies "It's a thermos." He asks, "What does it do?" She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." He then asks, "What do you have in there?" "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."


Blond: "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?"
2nd Person: "A little. What's wrong?"
Blond: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened."
 2nd Person: How did you load the sheet?"
Blond: "It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient would open it and read it."

I recently saw a distraught young blond lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote door unlocker-now I can't get into my car. Do you think they [pointing to a distant convenience store] would have a battery for this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy,'" she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries - it's a long walk."

My friend went into his car insurance office to tell them to change his address from Texas to Vermont, because he was moveing to there in the morning. The blond who was at the desk asked where Vermont was. As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, "Look, I'm not stupid or anything, but what state is it in?"

Several years ago we had an blond who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to another secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," she told her. With that, the blond took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver was a blond and had set the cruise control, then went back to make a sandwich.

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered was a blond, she said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?"



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