Miss Bea was in her 80's and much admired for her sweetness
and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one
afternoon early in the Spring and she welcomed him into her
Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she
prepared a little tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the minister noticed a
cut glass bowl setting on top of it, filled with water. In
the water floated, of all things, a condom.
Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity;
surely Miss Bea had flipped! But he certainly couldn't
mention the strange sight in her parlor.
When she returned with tea and cookies they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl and
its strange floater, but soon it got the best of him, and
he could resist no longer. "Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder
if you would tell me about this." Pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful! I was walking
down town last fall and I found this little package. It
said to put it on your organ and keep it wet, and it would
prevent disease. And you know, I think it is working, I
haven't had a cold all winter!"
A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "take his jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."
The next day, the old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is clean and empty. The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left and still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and nothing. Heck, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing again." The doctor was shocked, "You asked your NEIGHBOR!?!"
The old man replied,"Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the dumb jar open!"
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