Check your marching band purity level

THE MARCHING BAND PURITY TEST

This is the definitive marching band/drum corps purity test. Check all boxes for which the answer is "yes".
Note that band and drum corps are interchangeable organizations throughout, except for the first 2 questions.
The "submit" button is at the bottom of the page. I recommend scrolling down to make certain the whole page loaded, because if you don't get that button, there's little point in takin the test.
ALL TECHNICALITIES COUNT

The Colorguard Purity Test is BACK.
If you're looking for it, click here.

I really don't know if this will ever get updated...we'll see. I don't want to make any promises I can't keep. Keep in mind that this is written largely with a HIGH SCHOOL band in mind (I'd say 98% of the stuff on this test happened to me or someone I knew in high school). Have fun.

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Jasmine Elizabeth Wahlberg, caretaker of the MB/DC and CG purity tests.
Kyle Patrick Anderson, co-author of the Marching Band/Drum Corps Purity Test.

to T2T which inspired me to test my purity, to Kyle, who is always my inspiration and 'my little drummer boy,' and to the KHS Wolfpack and Knights, and most recently, to the IUP Legend Band Trumpet Line, for without whom I'd be daisy white pure -- Jasmine (Mirnen, Jazz, Jazz Band, Dominatrix, Princess Leroy, Feminazi, S&M, Sweet Tits, Tad B. Natties)

General Band/Corps Questions

Have you ever been in marching band?
Have you ever been in drum corps?
Have you been in the marching band for longer than a year?
--Longer than five?
Were you made a lackey in your rookie year?
Have you ever been drum major?
Have you ever wanted to be drum major?
--Do you like it because of the power?
--Because of the whistle and the gloves?
Does it turn you on when someone twirls a mace?
Does it turn you on when YOU twirl a mace? :)
When you were a rookie, did you worship the seniors? (As you SHOULD indeed!)
Do you believe in seniority?
--Have you used it to get your uniform first?
--Food first?
--To the bathroom first?
--Choice of music played on the bus?
The Band Bus
Have you ever completely trashed a band bus?
--Have you ever been forced to clean such a bus? (ohh rookies...)
Shouted obscenities at the bus driver for the wrong choice of music/lack of volume/hot/cold/etc.?
Have you ever gone overnight on a band bus?
--Over multiple nights?
--Ever had to sleep on gym floors/somewhere at a different school? (I don't know where else but a gym you'd put a whole band to sleep in a school, but...)
Ever had reading light races? (both sides of the bus race to turn on/off overhead lights in linear succession from back of bus to front and back again, whoever gets it done first wins)?
Ever lost something out the window of a band bus?
Do you start cheers on band buses?
--Do people follow you when you do?
Does the whole bus belt out songs played on the radio? (i.e. Yellow Submarine)
--Does the bus belt out other songs (as a tradition, when leaving a place, or to make fun of people, or whatever)spontaneously, and a capella?
Do you take more silly pictures on the band bus than you do on the actual band trips? (Mother says: I thought you guys went to Busch Gardens? All I see are sleepy people on a bus!)
Ever gotten all the way to a game/show/parade without your uniform?
--Instrument?
Been on band trips out of state?
--Out of the country?
Has there ever been any drinking on the band bus? (This hopefully doesn't happen in your *high school* band...)
--Underage drinking?
--Sexual activity?
--Sexual activity because of the drinking?
--Homosexual activity?
--Obscene games?
--"Equipment" contests? (I'm not talking about tubas to piccolos here. ;)
Have you ever watched movies on the band bus?
--Been forced (or not forced, whatever:) to watch porn on the bus?
Had nasty stories read to you on the bus?
Ever had a 'rookie interview?' (Where the vets call you to them and ask you horribly personal questions) Or something equally horrible done to you on the bus by the veterans?
Ever fallen asleep on a band bus and had people do things to you?
Performances and Experiences (the "Oh, Shit" section)
Have you ever marched more than one instrument in the same season?
--The same show?
Ever drum majored and played in the same show?
Have you ever had a solo in a show/parade?
--Multiple solos?
--In the same show/parade?
Ever done two or more parades in the same day?
--Two or more shows in the same day?
--One parade/show in 2 different groups?
Has your band ever been on TV?
Have you ever missed major life events for band camp/practice? (i.e. weddings, funerals, finals)
Ever ignored your significant other for band?
--Brought your significant other into the band?
--Met your significant other in the band?
Are all your friends in the band?
Brought friends into the band?
--Had them stay there?
Have you gone through more than one band director?
--More than five?
--More than ten?
Do you refer to your band director by their first name?
--In front of them?
--And s/he doesn't care?
Do you refer to them as mom/dad, or some other odd nickname? (for example: Captain Twinkie, Mr. T, Propecia/Baldy, F, the Fish Misser, Doc)
--Does it scare your parents when you refer to said director as mom/dad/weird nickname?
Have you ever had to run laps/do pushups/etc. for being late?
--Swearing?
--Being out of step?
Have you been accused of rookie abuse?
--Admitted to it?
--Thrive on it?
Do you refer to an 8hr day camp as "not long enough?"
--A "light workout?"
Have you ever attended extra rehearsals scheduled before band actually started?
--After band actually ended?
--Voluntarily participated in non-mandatory rehearsals?
Have you ever had tan/burn lines associated with your instrument? (i.e., harness marks, burned tops of forearms from playing a trumpet, burned right elbow from playing picc?)
Did you select your college on the basis of how good their marching band is?
Have you ever marched a song with more than 10 drill sets in it?
--20?
--30?
Did you ever name sequences of drill sets? (Moustache Sequence/'I...had your father'/Square of Death)
Have you ever marched pictures that could be interpreted as pornographic?
--Were they meant to be?
Have you ever had to do a potentially life threatening/impossible move in a show? (As in a saxophone mesh with the quads, leading to an immediate pass through the rifles...or having to go 4 to 5..backwards..at a diagonal)
Have you ever had to march at a tempo over 200? (IUP is marching a 240 in this year's show...for a very short time. :) And, as I have been reminded, high-stepping bands do this regularly, which brings me to...
Have you ever been in a high-stepping band?
Have you ever had to march a wheel turn, line match, slide, crabwalk, or a company front?
--Do you have any idea what those things are? *wink*
Have you ever marched the same show multiple years?
When someone mentions a word from a title of last season's song repertoire, do you have the song in your head for the rest of the day?
Do you consider your version of songs better than the original?
Do you live/die for the sound of the Dr. Beat?
Are your favorite shoes your marching shoes?
Do you have a preference between Drillmasters or Dinkles?
Do you know what Drillmasters and Dinkles even are? :)
Is your favorite outfit your uniform?
Do you know who the Concord Blue Devils are?
--Phantom Regiment?
--Do you know about/actively participate in their rivalry?
--Grey Knights/Allegheny Nightstorm?(worth 2; if you do, you're a psycho.)
--General Butler Vagabonds?
--Empire Statesmen?
Do you own any marching band/drum corps cd's?
Are you heard playing on any marching band/drum corps cd's?
Have you ever listened to an ajudication tape and known the judge was referring specifically to you?
--For being too loud?
--Taken it as a personal affront?
Have you named your instrument?
--Severely damaged your instrument during a game/parade/show?
--Did you cry?
--Dropped your instrument during a perfomance?
--Had your instrument freeze up during a performance?
--Bathed with your instrument (for the purpose of cleaning)?
--Bathed with your instrument..for..any other purpose?? (You don't get points for this, that's just gross.)
Ever lost a slide/mouthpiece/tuba bits/ligature/lyre/music/etc on the field?
Ever had a 'mouthpiece solo?' (your mouthpiece pops out on a horns up/down)
Do you obsessively polish your instrument every free second you get? (or, Is your name Ryan Geer?)
Ever marched colorguard?
Have you ever played in the rain?
--On a woodwind?
--On an electrical instrument (in the pit)?
--Ever marched in mud so bad that you fell or missed drill marks completely?
Have you ever played in the pit?
--On something besides a percussion instrument?
--Because you were injured?
Have you ever played while sick?
--While injured?
Passed out while playing or directing?
Has your band ever had an "accident" (like, the bleachers collapsed underneath it, or the bus wrecked, or something else horrible)?
Have you ever been called a band geek/nerd/fag?
--Did you thank them for calling you such?
--Do you consider yourself one?
--Do you think it's a good thing?
Have you ever had to explain what a part of your uniform does/how to put it on to a non-band person?
Have you ever been called a prima donna because of band?
Are you a legend in your band? (meaning are you respected by OTHERS...)
Do you wish to be a legend in your band?
Is your band a Legend? (The IUP Marching Band...The Legend Lives On.)
Are you part of a scream team/jazz band/winter drumline/winter guard?
--Pep band (mb for basketball games/wrestling/whatever)?
Have you ever written drill?
--Arranged show music?
Have you ever done an instrument swap?
--For an entire song?
--For an entire game?
Have you ever been a section leader?
Has your section ever had a theme song?
--Was it dirty?
--Was it clean before and you changed the lyrics so it was dirty?
Has your section ever given you a nasty nickname?
Does your section have any bizzarre traditions? (like sheep sex or shots of Southern Comfort)
Do you ever make up different words to the cheerleaders' cheers?
Are they dirty? (Free point, there really isn't much doubt here, is there? ;)
Ever played a Disney show?
--A show consisting of songs that had nothing to do with eachother?
--A different theme show?
Ever had to scream or do a scatter drill for effect?
Did you ENJOY IT?! ;)
Do you have last year's show in your head right now?
--Are you thinking of moves/notes that would've made it better?
For woodwinds: Have you ever switched to a brass instrument just so you could join drum corps? For brasswinds: Have you ever forced a woodwind friend to play a brasswind just so you could have someone to join a drum corps with?
Can you correctly complete this phrase? "This one time at band camp, I stuck a flute..." (My band only has piccolos, not flutes, but...)
Are you for some reason absurdly proud that they put that in the movie?
Band in Daily Life
Have you ever e-mailed the Band Purity Test webmistress with more questions for the test? ;)
Do you spend a good deal of your time making up band-related webpages?
During concert season, do you miss your uniform and your show/stand music?
Do you roll-step through the cafeteria to avoid spilling your food?
Do you march in step with your friends?
Are the heels on all your shoes that are broken in naturally rolled?
Do you try to dress every line you're in?
Do you think people who have never been in band are deprived?
Do you have more than 2 nicknames?
Do you find it difficult to impossible to imagine life without marching band?
Inter-Band Relations
Have you ever plotted the destruction of the other band?
--Actually gone through with it?
--Pondered if you could concentrate hard enough to have the other team's drumline spontaneously combust?
--Tried it?
--Had it work?
Ever gone over to the other side to meet the other band?
--...and had to be escorted back for your behavior?
Have you ever been insulted by the other band?
--...and gone over to their band and hosed them with superior music?
Do you search for friends in the other band at every game?
--Do you actually have friends in the other band?
Have you ever been in a band or corps competition?
--Have you ever had a love note/band-a-gram sent to your band?
--Enough that it held up the whole show for more than five minutes?
Do you get excited when a band executes a particularly impressive drill/song?
--Do you get *really* excited? >:) (Two stalls, right Kyle(s)?)
The Post-Band Days, or Section Switching, or Went Off to College, or Moved Away *Sigh*
Do you get so excited watching your old high school marching band that you shout/chant along with the cadence/march in step with them as they march?
Do you miss your old section because your new one just "isn't the same?"
Do you brag about your old high school band to your new band friends?
Do you still wear your old band jacket because you love it so much/you think it looks cool?
Do you go back to your school and help out with band camp, just so you could be around the band again?
And finally...
Do you talk about things around "normal" people, get funny looks, and say, "It's a band thing"?
Have you ever spent hours talking with friends over the politics of your band or corps, or how to save it (KHS and Knights members will understand this fully.)?
Have you ever ended a show just seconds under the gun, and it broke your heart?
Has a song you've played in marching band ever moved you so much that you cried while you were playing it? (Ladies and gentlemen, Amazing Grace...)
Do you know what it is to have band respect, band honor, band faithfulness?
Did you learn everything you need to know about life from band?
Do you "love band" (for Kane, try saying it in a West Virginian accent, a la Shawn Hofmann)?

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I would like it very much if you would mail me YOUR results! How pure/impure are you? Tell me about your band experiences!

Mail me here. I will do my best to sift out the REAL mail from the junk because this is my old e-mail addy...hopefully soon I'll find another. Can anyone suggest to me a cool free e-mail? I'm damn tired of Hotmail and metallica.com isn't free anymore (the bastards).

Now you can post your scores for the viewing and comparing of others...have fun!
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I implore you to also mail me if you can think of any other good questions that should go on here. I've tried to be as objective as possible, trying not to put too many things that are particular to my experiences on here (But you all know it's really hard not to include the private jokes, at least a little...). Please, I'd like if you'd also contact me if there is a problem with this page (include browser name and version).