OUR GREATEST SECRET WEAPON...
Take all American women who are within five years of menopause...
Train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer
with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna.
Drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do
what comes naturally.
Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery
shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble.
We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future.
We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already.
And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to
share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning.
We have nothing to lose.
We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit
diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound.
We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at
We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or
Finding bin Laden in some cave will be NO problem.
Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government?
Oh, please ...
we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years...
Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they
hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources.
We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it...
With or without the
Let us go and fight.
The Taliban hates women.
Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken