Sean Lowe... Friend or Foe

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Sean Lowe... Friend or Foe

Sean Lowe... is he really the great guy he's cracked up to be?

Sean Lowe is pictured above, seated on his dark throne of power

Sean Lowe. Former resident of Gahanna Ohio and the United States of America. A self proclaimed considerate, kind, and honest young man... but can we really trust him? Local authorities say no, we cannot. "Sean Lowe may seem to be a great guy, but once you get to know him, he's kindof a jerk," says awesome movie actor Harrison Ford. "One time, we were playing golf, and he just started wailing on this caddie for looking at him funny. The kid ended up in the hospital for 3 months. I dunno, I guess he just blows up. Alot." Recently, Lowe has gone from harassing young teenagers to world domination. His deep rooted desires to send his army of meercat soldiers all over the earth may have spawned from his constant jealousy and envy of one-time-friend CJ Chapman. "CJ was talking about how great world peace would be and Sean just blew his lid. He started screaming about how he wanted to take over the world and force all of humanity into slavery, just to spite CJ," said an anonymous nudist. "Man... Sean can really be an ass." After this incident, Sean began training an army of meercat warriors using the talented Nathan Lane as a translater. "The reason I selected Nathan as my interpreter is because of his experience with well known meercat Timon from the Lion King. Although I am half meercat and have ascended the dark throne of the meercat people, I still cant undertsand their squeeky and oft times adorable language. I shouldnt have spent all that time taking Spanish." said Lowe at a recent news conference after invading Kenya. Lane reportedly is unhappy being shackled and carried around in a cage, but is helpless to protest Lowe's will.

Sean is pictured in full battle armor outside his hidden stronghold

Sean's Secret Confessions

Sean Lowe, commander and chief of meercats everywhere, recently conceded that he is a habitual liar, cleptomaniac, and part time prostitute. "I admit it," Lowe said at a recent press conference after being injected with truth syrum. "I cant stop lying. I lie about everything, and make websites mocking people who really dont way 300 lbs. Im a sorry excuse for a half meercat half man." Lowe then went on to say that he steals from the elderly and gas stations. He also admited that numerous times, when short of cash, he whored himself to those same elderly peoples and gas stations attendents he stole from.

Recent Findings Suggest Sean Lowe's Website Rave Reviews Were An Elaborate Hoax

Sean Lowe, a convicted lunatic with uncontrollable rage and owner/creater of the very popular S-Zsone and Sean Lowe's Website, has been charged with misleading and decieving web browsers with false reviews of famous magazines and newspapers. Reportedly, Lowe hired a man, who turned himself in to authorities earlier this month, to write these reviews for his site to give it the credibility and praise his site lacked. Upon further inspection, Virgil Ellington, a factory worker at the Gorton's Fishstick Factory in upstate Connecticut, said that indeed, many of the reviews seemed to make little to no sense, and parts were not even applicable to the web pages. The anonymous man who wrote the reviews has said only this about Sean Lowe. "Sean Lowe used me! He told me he loved me! He told me we had something special! But I caught that good for nothing bastard red handed with his little green slut of a boyfriend! I don't regret confessing to authorities as long as Sean gets what he deserves!" Kermit the Frog was unavailable for comment on these allegations.

Lowe (third from the left) is seen with friends and family during an interview with Lester Banks

Sean Lowe after repeated steroid use and because he has nothing better to do for the past 9 months

An AIM Conversation between Sean Lowe and Kim Jong Il, the leader of North Korea

SeanTheConquerer: Hey KJ!

MastaJong2000: Hey buddy! Hows it goin?

SeanTheConquerer: Not bad, you?

MastaJong2000: Pretty good actually. What have you been up to? Hows college?

SeanTheConquerer: not bad

MastaJong2000: Cool. Hey, actually, Im taking an online survey, wanna take it?

SeanTheConquerer: Sure, go ahead and ask away.

MastaJong2000: Okay, whats your major?

SeanTheConquerer: Evil

MastaJong2000: Evil? Excellent. Good luck with that. What's your favorite hobby?

SeanTheConquerer: Eating babies

MastaJong2000: Wow. Okay... Do you have a pet?

SeanTheConquerer: Yes

MastaJong2000: What kind of pet is it?

SeanTheConquerer: A shark

MastaJong2000: Sorry, I don't think that's a kind of pet.

SeanTheConquerer: It is, a hammerhead shark

MastaJong2000: That's it. It says here the celebrity you should date is... Johnny Depp!

SeanTheConquerer: Oh man! He is sooooo cute!

MastaJong2000: What do you wanna do now?

SeanTheConquerer: Just talk

MastaJong2000: lol! Whatever, Sean!

SeanTheConquerer: I am going to take over the world

MastaJong2000: Tell me more.

SeanTheConquerer: I am starting with Africa

MastaJong2000: Starting with Africa? How does it feel to be starting with Africa?

SeanTheConquerer: good, I guess. I mean I would rather have started with like Europe

MastaJong2000: That right?

SeanTheConquerer: yup

MastaJong2000: Why is that?

SeanTheConquerer: Less third world countries, wealthier. Lots of reasons. Are you married?

MastaJong2000: Are you kidding? Who am I going to marry? LMAO

SeanTheConquerer: Hey... I was just wondering if you knew anyone I could kidnap and hold for a ransom

MastaJong2000: Hmm... I don't know.

SeanTheConquerer: Oh. Okay

MastaJong2000: K.

SeanTheConquerer: Ever eat tai food?

MastaJong2000: What's it like to do that?

SeanTheConquerer: good, not as good as eating babies, but good

MastaJong2000: What do you mean, good not as good as eating babies but good?

SeanTheConquerer: I mean I would rather eat a baby

MastaJong2000: Why would you rather eat a baby?

SeanTheConquerer: They just taste better

MastaJong2000: Whatever...

SeanTheConquerer: My role model is Benito Mussolini

MastaJong2000: No kidding, huh?

SeanTheConquerer: Yeah, he's a great guy

MastaJong2000: I suppose he's a groovy guy.

SeanTheConquerer: Oh yeah! You don't know the half of it

MastaJong2000: That's just fascinating.

SeanTheConquerer: Right now I am about to host a tournament of the world's greatest free style fighters on my private island. Like the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Only to the death

MastaJong2000: Free what?

SeanTheConquerer: free style, that means any style

SeanTheConquerer: Like kick boxing and kung fu and karate and just whatever

MastaJong2000: I did not know that.

SeanTheConquerer: It gets pretty crazy

MastaJong2000: I can imagine

SeanTheConquerer: Oh yeah. It's wild. You should come sometime

MastaJong2000: Is that so?

SeanTheConquerer: Yeah... my generals are calling me. I am late for a meeting. We're invading Russia soon

MastaJong2000: Amazing.

SeanTheConquerer: Try and hijack some nukes

MastaJong2000: I find its easier to try and grow your own.

SeanTheConquerer: talk to ya later

MastaJong2000: Bye Sean, it was good chatting with you.

SeanTheConquerer: Good talkin to you too Kimbo!

Sean Lowe's Domain is Growing

Sean Lowe's stranglehold over the continent of Africa is growing. His armies of well trained meercats spread from deep in South Africa, a region native to most meercats, to nearly the entire continent as well as regions in Europe, South America, the Middle East, Asia, and the Western United States. President Bush recently admited that Lowe tricked him into giving up the states of California and Alaska for a piece of twine and two half eaten hot pockets. Lowe apparently will not stop until he has taken over the world.

Lowe's Control of Africa in 2003 (in red)

Lowe's current control over the world (in red)

Sean Lowe looks over his domain

SEAN LOWE JOINS BEN AFFLECK IN CREATING NEW AXIS ALLIANCE AND SUPER-MEGA-ULTRA-DEATHRAY!

Sean Lowe, self procclaimed "Hitler Reborn" has joined Ben Affleck, the antichrist, in creating a new alliance of unspeakable power. This terrible twosome have begun not only to build a new Axis in immitation of Lowe's role model Adolf Hitler, but have also begun work on an all powerful weapon of unspeakable destruction. According to highly acclaimed novelist and ninja warrior Drew "The Sickly Cougar" Tisdale Lowe is nearing completion of this project. "I've heard all he needs are some empty beer cans and he'll be finished," Tisdale said, while performing Tai Chi atop a slender pole. "That maniac," he added. Ben Affleck has also been hard at working, hoping to destroy the public's minds with another horrible movie with Jennfer Lopez. "That is freakin scary," said Tisdale, echoing the views of millions. All we can do now, is pray.

Sean and Ben go shopping

Sean is really not that bad of a guy, you just need to get to know him. He's actually a very calm and composed young man, and has never imprisoned Nathan Lane or taken over meercats or Kenya. He has also apologized for the golfing incident with Mr. Ford