My mother had a saying when I was just a girl,

She said, 'Eat all your crusts up, and then your hair will curl.'

I never thought my mother would tell a lie to me,

But I grew up with hair that's straight, and totally curl free!

She always said to make sure that I washed behind my ears,

They must have been my cleanest bits throughout my growing years!

My other bits weren't made to get scrubbed every single day,

But if the rest of me smelt awful, then the boys would stay away!

My curfew time was half past ten, I couldn't stay out late,

The men thought I was henpecked, so it ruined every date.

Yet Dave was told (because he had a spare Y chromosome)

If you're not in bed by half past ten, give up and head for home!