REHABILITATION

Aunt Minnie came down to Pollen Bend to help Maw cope while Paw was away. The last time she was here, she’d proved to be a good sport about Paw’s moonshining, and was a great cook to boot. Not that Maw didn’t know her way around a kitchen, but Aunt Minnie knew a lot of tricks that she wasn’t about to share with anyone, so Jeb and I looked forward to some rare treats. Maw makes biscuits that you’d die for, but Aunt Minnie’s are so light and airy, they could damn near float right off the plate. And her red-eye gravy was so good she had to make double the quantity to cope with the demand.

She left Jeb and I to keep an eye on Mindy Lou that morning while she and Maw went to visit Paw in the county lockup. Deputy Deakin had him locked up because Paw stuck a shotgun up his nose when the Deputy got religion and banned moonshine from our town. He arrested Paw there and then, and hauled him away in the old police car, first time Paw had ever been in a car. He stuck him in a cell next to Josh Fitch, who was drunk as a skunk and hopefully drying out. He said he wasn’t going to let Paw out until he apologised for endangering his life. Paw retorted that he wasn’t going to apologise until Don came to his senses and released the confiscated stills back into the custody of their rightful, if illegal owners. Then he reminded the Deputy that it was gone 7 o’clock and he hadn’t had his dinner yet, and did Don plan to starve him? Deputy Deakin grumbled, but he knew he had to feed Paw even though he felt like shooting him. Paw asked how long did he expect to keep an honest citizen away from the bosom of his family, and Deputy Deakin told him that his family were well rid of him for a few weeks or months, depending on how soon Paw came to his senses.

A Mexican standoff was how Maw described it, and when Jeb asked me what that meant, I told him that when two Mexicans had a difference of opinion, they’d stand back from each other with their guns, but too far away from each other to be able to shoot straight. That way nobody got hurt, but nobody could win either. Jeb scoffed and told me I was talking through somebody’s sombrero, and went and asked Maw. Maw told him that my answer was the best he was going to get, “And now stop pestering me while I’m making dinner.”

While we waited for Maw and Aunt Minnie to get back from town, Jeb and I hung around the porch so we could hear if Mindy Lou woke up. I amused myself pretending to be Paw, sitting in his old chair and swigging water out of an old moonshine jug. Jeb went along with the joke for a time, but when he’d had enough of me telling him to git out there and do his chores, he threatened to shout out loud and wake up Mindy Lou, and that would teach me!

We played I Spy to pass the time, but as neither of us could spell worth a damn, we had to give that up. I had to tell Jeb that an oak tree didn’t start with an N, and how was I supposed to guess creek when we couldn’t even see it from the porch?

It was a relief when we saw the cloud of dust kicked up by Sam that told us Maw was almost home. Jeb ran towards the wagon, then suddenly stopped and turned to call to me.

“Jake, there are three people in the wagon. Hey, it’s Paw. He’s home.”

“Can’t be. Paw wouldn’t apologise.”

But it was, and the row that his homecoming caused woke Mindy Lou up quicker than Paw could lift a jug.

“Paw, did you apologise?”

“Paw, did you get your still back?”

“Paw, are you home for good?”

“Boys, let your Paw at least get down off the wagon,” protested Maw. “We’ll tell you after your Paw’s had a good strong mug of tea.”

We sat around the kitchen table eating cornbread and blueberry jelly while Paw enjoyed what he said was the best mug of tea he’d had since the Deputy arrested him. “Don makes tea and coffee that even old Sam wouldn’t drink.”

I couldn’t stand it any longer. “Paw, why did he let you out after only five days? Did you say sorry for sticking your gun up his nose?”

Paw swallowed the last of his tea and mutely held his mug out to Aunt Minnie for a refill. Maw sat rocking baby Mindy Lou, who’d stopped screaming as soon as Maw picked her up.

“You’d be proud of your old man, boys,” he said with a grin. “Nope, I never regretted what I did, and won’t ever say I do. Old Matt Clanton, the County Sheriff, made him turn me loose. You know old Clanton, reckons he’s descended from Ike Clanton, one of the gang that had the shootout in Tombstone at the OK Corral. Says his ancestors came down here to get away from the shame. Anyways, he saw Maw and your Aunt Minnie turning up to visit me, and asked Don what was going on. Well, when Don told him the whole sorry story, he got madder than a jar full of hornets.

“First off he said that Don couldn’t keep me in jail just for threatening him. Then he said what in the Sam Hill did he think he was doing, turning Pollen Bend dry? He said that if we couldn’t make moonshine then we would get up to something worse, and he preferred the Devil he knew rather than try to figure out what folks is up to now. And did he plan to shut down the saloon bar next? Then he said that a Deputy with religion was a Goddamned menace to a community, so if he didn’t want to get a new job, he’d better get un-saved right now!

“Well, Don tried to argue that he was following the law, and Clanton told him that keeping order was more important than the law, and if he locked up everybody who disagreed with him, then the county would need to build so many new jails that it would run out of money before Thanksgiving. Then would you believe it, old Clanton made Don apologise to ME. He finished up by telling Don to go home and not go back to work until he showed up with a hangover.”

That’s when Maw started yelling at us, because the howls of laughter woke Mindy Lou, who’d only just got back to sleep. She ordered Jeb, me and our jailbird father to get the hell out of the house until things quietened down a bit. We all trooped outside and Paw dropped into his usual seat on the porch. Reaching down, he picked up his jug and took a big swallow. He spluttered, then yelled, “What in the name of the four and twenty virgins is this?”

“Sorry, Paw. It’s water, Paw. It won’t happen again, Paw.”

“I’ll kill you, you little varmints,” he roared, and picking up his hat, threw it at me. Next came his jug, which missed my ear by about half an inch. When he picked up his shotgun, Jeb and I turned tail and skedaddled around the side of the house. Well, he’d gone without his moonshine for five days, and he was even madder about a mouthful of water than he was at Deputy Don. As I said to Jeb later, you can’t expect a hills farmer to drink water after he’s just come out of jail. It took some creative footwork to keep out of Paw’s way for the rest of the day, but by nightfall Paw had lowered the level in the jug enough to mellow. Things were back to normal.

A couple of days later, Deputy Deakin showed up late in the afternoon, looking the worse for wear.

“I’ve come to apologise for locking you up,” he said shamefacedly to Paw. “I hope you can forgive me for being such a horse’s patootie. Sheriff Clanton finally let me off the hook when he saw me drunk outside the saloon. I can’t afford to lose my pension at my time of life, so I had to come to my senses quick. Anyhow, I don’t think I was properly saved, else I wouldn’t have enjoyed getting drunk on the town’s money. Well, I figure that since the Sheriff ordered me to get drunk it was a legitimate expense. Next time them Holy Rollers turn up here, I’ll run ‘em out of town. Pass the jug, Rudy!”