|
Ellie posted the envelope and turned from the mailbox. "Come on you two," she commanded. "Coffee, and it's
on me."
"How much this time?" asked Manuela, sympathetically
"$250 down the drain, literally," snorted Ellie. "He spends all his weekends out in the mountains, hunting
with your husbands, so I have to pay tradesmen to do what he should be doing. This time it's the plumber. Last month it
was the electrician."
"It's the same with me,"chimed in Lynette. "I'm thinking of taking a course at night school to learn home
maintenance. I told Jerry, hoping it might shock him into doing something useful for a change. He told me not to be so silly,
of course he'll do those odd jobs, just as soon as the open season on deer hunting closes."
Manuela sniffed. "There's another five weeks to go, then another fortnight and the bear hunting season stars. How
long does a tap have to leak before he'll put himself out to do something about it?"
"And he'll spend those two weekends going over his camping equipment, cleaning his guns and buying new bullets,"
said Ellie as they found a free table in the café and seated themselves. "Just like mine."
Ellie ordered their coffees from the hovering waitress, and flatly rejected her companions' offers to pay their share.
"He costs me enough in tradesmen's bills, so the least he can do is treat my best friends to a coffee."
"It's not all bad. At least we can get some peace and quiet, and we can get out together without them making a song
and dance about it," offered Manuela, craning her neck to get a better view of the young man three tables away.
"But I'm tired of taking the kids to their games and going alone to see a movie. And the nights can be very long
when I'm alone in my bedroom, and candlelit dinners for one just don't cut it!" wailed Ellie.
"There must be some way of keeping them at home on weekends," said Lynette.
"Hah! These are men we're talking about. If it weren't hunting, it would be golf! If you ask me, we';d be better
off single"
"Manuela! There's no need to be negative about things. If the Government would make hunting illegal, it would make
a lot of hunting widows very happy. Don't forget, they don't camp out on a golf course, so even being a golfing widow would
be an improvement."
"You sound like you want your husbands home whether or not they'd save you a fortune on plumber's bills! If it wasn't
for that, I wouldn't care if he cleared off every weekend, as long as he kept my freezer stocked with venison and wild duck."
Lynette looked thoughtful. "At least while Jerry's off shooting up the local wildlife, he's not dating his receptionist
every chance he gets. If he'd fix the doors and windows first, he could spend every weekend up in the mountains for all I'd
care."
"Girls, girls!" protested Ellie. "Am I the only one who wants her old man at home just for his own sake,
and not just for keeping up with the maintenance on the house? Even if Andy's snoring does keep me awake half the night,
I'm used to it."
"Aw, come on honey, cut the crap! It hasn't escaped our notice that you've been having more than lessons from your
tennis coach. Admit it, we're all in the same boat. Husbands who clear off every weekend and leave us to pay for household
maintenance! Marriages that are held together by habit and a few lines on a piece of paper! If divorces weren't so expensive,
we'd all three of us be free of our mighty hunters, so let's all stop pretending!"
There ensued a thoughtful silence while they sipped their coffees and avoided looking at each other.
Eventually Lynette cleared her throat. Leaning closer to the other two, she whispered confidentially, "We just have
to get rid of them some other way then."
Ellie looked alarmed. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, why not drop your kids at their Grandparents' house next weekend, and let's all get together at your place
for dinner and a few drinks, and plan some foolproof way of ensuring that they all have kinda fatal accidents?"
"Fatal? You're suggesting murder!" exclaimed Ellie in alarm.
"Keep your voice down!" hissed Manuela. "Anyway, we'd be doing the local wildlife a good turn. We could
think about poison, faulty brakes, a hunting accident"
"Oh my God!" breathed Lynette. Do you realise, you've just declared open season on our good for nothing husbands!"
The three friends dissolved into helpless laughter as their fantasies fell apart. The good-looking man sitting alone
three tables away thought what a happy sight they made, three delectable, desirable dolls, with such well developed senses
of humour. Their husbands must be so proud of them, the lucky bastards!
© Sandy Parkinson November 2007. Word count 825
|
