I wish I could go back in time to a day when life was great,
To when my body worked properly, and I never put on weight.
At five feet one, and eight stone two, I was the perfect size
But now I show the consequence of fish and chips and pies.

I used to be a skinny cow, with a waist size twenty-two.
I rarely found a dress to fit, so separates had to do.
But when I started having kids my metabolic rate went mad,
I still can't find a dress to fit, but nowadays that's sad!

If Jenny Craig could make things right, I'd see her in a flash,
But she couldn't shrink my skin to fit, so I'll just save my cash,
'Cos all that extra skin would sag from all the weight I'd shed,
I'd have to pull it into a bunch and tie it on top of my head.

But look at what's inside of me, a sprightly teenage kid
Who lurks within, reminding me of all the things I did
When I was young and agile, and eight stone two wet through,
And my mirror used to love me before my reflection grew.

So now you know my dearest wish, to go back to the days
Of jiving to a rocking band, while boys would stand and gaze
At pencil skirts that emphasised my slim yet shapely hips,
Before the days of chocolate cake and fish and bloody chips!

Sandy Parkinson May 2002